Nar-Anon Family Group Danville

Nar-Anon Family Group Danville Nar-Anon is for those of you who have a loved one or friend who suffers with the Disease of Addiction and are looking for support.
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05/10/2020

Danville Nar-anon is meeting every Monday night at 7:30pm Pacific time via Zoom. If you would like to join the meeting please private message us here for meeting info. We will be having a Guest Speaker on May 18th that you will not want to miss sharing his Recovery Experience and Hope.

04/27/2020
04/26/2020

It's important to practice good self-compassion to help you feel calmer. Feeling calmer doesn't mean you don't care about the situation your addicted love one and family is facing; it just means you'll be better prepared to handle it.

04/23/2020
April 19In recovery, acceptance of the validity of imperfection has been an important idea for me. I think in some ways ...
04/19/2020
A Year of Days – A year of daily posts from a man in recovery

April 19

In recovery, acceptance of the validity of imperfection has been an important idea for me. I think in some ways an addictive life is a great example of the insanity of a desire to only find value in an absolute outcome while being trapped in a very rigid belief system. I spent years of wasted effort painfully and unsuccessfully trying to recapture some idealized notion of perfection that didn't exist. My life seemed framed by futile efforts that could never be fully achieved, like trying to recreate just the right buzz or finding the total relief of some illusory peace and escape. Sex was another way of trying to reach this elusive goal of perfect satisfaction that I was somehow entitled to or would be measured by. Sometimes there were intense moments of contentment but they were always fleeting and in hindsight always vaguely false and inadequate. In recovery the goals and targets for my life, my morals and values, help guide me on a path where progress and outcomes aren't measured in absolutes. Seeking spiritual progress not perfection reminds me that the value, the goal, is to walk the path—not wear a halo while winning a gold medal and despising any lesser result. The work of the twelve steps helps me understand the role of humility with respect to my expectations of myself and others. The idea of holding everyone to perfect standards is a delusional fantasy that my addictive mind uses to stymie my recovery. Of course that fact is that none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes every day. Pursuit of a goal that can never be perfectly attained is a great example of the virtue of living “the good life.” In some ways, claiming perfection as the only true value makes life impossible and perhaps, like cynicism, is merely the refuge of the lazy. Seeking perfection as the only result of value is the perfect way to ensure no one, myself or others, will ever be “good enough”—so why bother at all? Often it is the choice of the best path, not a perfect one that I must make in my day. Clearly the meaning and purpose in my life is found in the art of the actions I take each day and how those choices reflect my morals and values.

Learn more at - bit.ly/2kCOFo8
Help others by sharing this post & 'like' the 'A Year of Days' page, set to 'see first' in your news feed so you don't miss a post!

A Year of Days – A book about recovery from addiction. Greetings! The book, A Year of Days, is the result of many years of working with others in recovery. A book about recovery from addiction, it began as a series of basic text messages within a small group of people here in the Northwest. The bo...

04/18/2020

Unfortunately, when it comes to addiction and substance use disorders, just as with other health conditions, there are no guarantees for the perfect treatment, and it can be difficult to access quality care. Addiction is a manageable but chronic disease, just like diabetes or asthma. Because it is a chronic, relapsing disease, treatment should not be approached as a way to “cure” your loved one. It is a first step in helping your love one learn how to manage his or her addiction.

04/17/2020

Our addicted love ones might initiate change talk while under the influence. While all change talk is productive, we must be sure to follow up on the conversation when they are able to really listen and engage.

04/15/2020

The Nar-anon Danville Family Group is still meeting every Monday night at 7:30pm via Zoom. If you wish to join us please feel free to message us here to get the Meeting ID and Password to enter.

This Monday April 20th we will have a Recovering Addict speaker who will be sharing his experience, strength and hope with love ones of addicts. Hope you can join us.

04/15/2020

If you're obsessing about your situation, try not to blame yourself for thinking negative thoughts. Try to acknowledge the emotions and accept them -- even if you're not yet ready to accept the reality that's causing them.

04/08/2020

If you feel that your addicted love one seems somewhat motivated to change, listen for any expressions of unfulfilled dreams or wishing a certain goal could be accomplished, however small. This is a great opportunity to earnestly ask your addicted love one what's getting in the way of making things better, and how to make a game plan to change it.

04/04/2020

Starting Monday, April 6th at 7:30pm Danville Naranon will be holding our weekly meeting via ZOOM Conferencing. If you are currently a friend or family member of an addicted love one join us starting this Monday and each Monday thereafter until the shelter in place has been lifted. Private message us here with your email and first name to be added to meeting. Then watch for an email for your acceptance and meeting info.

See you on Monday 7:30pm sharp!

03/28/2020

Sometimes it takes more than one try to go through treatment and get to recovery. Keep reminding your addicted love one how proud you are of them for pursuing professional help and exploring all of their options.

03/17/2020

Monday Danville Nar-anon Meetings are on hold until April 6th at this time due to Coronavirus lockdown. Watch for updates as we get closer to date. Please be safe. Feel free to PM here if you are in need of support. We can get you connected with a sponsor for support anytime.

03/11/2020

"Sometimes NOT mentioning drugs or addiction-related topics all day long can be a welcome and pleasant reward to both you and your addicted love one. Also, a big hug, a smile or an 'I love you' can go a long way."

03/05/2020

It's important to practice good self-compassion to help you feel calmer. Feeling calmer doesn't mean you don't care about the situation your addicted love one and family are facing; it just means you'll be better prepared to handle it.

03/02/2020

If you're having negative feelings, try to name what they are. For example, fear is often experienced as a gnawing sensation in the belly, while grief might be experienced as a lump in the throat. It sounds silly, but it can help.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=3657197091021031&id=102099916530784
02/29/2020

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=3657197091021031&id=102099916530784

“I grew up pretty well honestly. I didn’t have bad parents—a little ‘helicoptery’ maybe, but doing the best they could. I was just a bad kid. I don’t even remember a lot of my teenage years. I was always popping pills. Just a ‘f**k you, parents’ kind of thing. When I wasn’t alone in my room, I was picking fights with them. I hurt my mother the most because she cared the most. Dad cared. But Mom really cared. Throwing me out wasn’t easy for her. But one night I had a really bad Xanax high. I blacked out. Messed up the house. They won’t even tell me exactly what I did-- but it must have been violent. Because the cops came. The court put an order of protection against me. The last thing I said to my parents in the courtroom was: ‘I never want to see or hear from you again.’ Then a few months later I called and begged to come home. But it was too late. My dad just kept saying: ‘I can’t.’ There were long pauses. And hesitation. But he stuck to it. It’s been eighteen months now. I got clean. Mainly because I’ve been living in a shelter on Staten Island, and I just didn’t have the access. Right now I’m trying to get into a longer term shelter. Trying to find a job. NY State has some scholarships that I’m looking at. Dad’s coming to pick me up in an hour. They’ve invited me home for Thanksgiving. I’m scared sh*tless. It’s the first time I’ve been home in over a year, and I’m spending three days with them. I’m just hoping it’s like a normal Thanksgiving-- before I was a sh*t.”

02/28/2020

Just thinking about this thought this morning.

As people begin to use substances we put up our walls of defense. We don’t like who they are when they are using (and for good reason most of the time). We protect ourselves by detaching and disconnecting. But when we do that it becomes exponential. The more we put up walls, the more they “feel” those walls and the more emotional pain they are in. It’s a cycle.

Before I go on, I am not saying this to invalidate your pain or to justify their using and their behaviors. I am also not implying that we shouldn’t have boundaries with our person. BUT as I have worked with the homeless and with countless families I have seen this to be true. I have seen REMARKABLE transformation. And none of this costs you anything.

Often, in our perrson’s mind, NO ONE likes them, no one wants to be around them, everyone has disdain for them. And again, sometimes for very very good reason. BUT what if...

What if today you smiled at your person instead of frowned.
What if today you touched them gently instead of keeping them at a distance.
What if today you leaned IN to them instead of put them off or kept them at a distance.
What if today you spoke with a gentle tone instead of with harshness.
What if today instead of telling your person that you can’t be around them if they don’t change, you simply expressed how grateful you were to be their mom, dad, spouse, brother, sister or child.

What if you just did even ONE of those things today.

What if...

What if you just treated them as if they were a human being, deserving of love, just as they are, and not as they “should” be. Because none of us are as we should be.

02/21/2020

What is one good thing your addicted love one did in the last few days? Noticing and commenting on any small, positive changes increases the likelihood that your addicted love one will keep it up, and move closer to being more motivated to change behaviors.

Take a moment and read if you can.
02/19/2020

Take a moment and read if you can.

02/12/2020

STOP the Stigma

Many diseases start as an individual choice. Lifestyle choices happen. Those behaviors, if not changed, become a disease and it may take longer than addiction to kill you, but ultimately may be the reason you die. Smoking can cause lung disease, excessive sugar intake can cause Type II diabetes, obesity can cause heart disease, high sodium diets can cause high blood pressure/stroke, the list goes on. Just like the stigma that once surrounded cancer, the stigma surrounding addiction has to change. The language and communication about people with substance use disorders has to change.
Here is the technical part, so please focus as it's important and the first step to understanding. Because there are a lot of words, I'm going to break this down:
A moderate to severe substance use disorder is what we call addiction.
Addiction is defined as a chronic, relapsing disorder characterized by compulsive drug seeking, continued use despite harmful consequences, and long-lasting changes in the brain.
It is considered both a complex brain disorder and a mental illness.
Addiction is the most severe form of a full spectrum of substance use disorders, and is a medical illness caused by repeated misuse of a substance or substances.
Mild substance use disorder is what you may know as college binge drinking or other harmful behaviors that are dangerous, but not full on compulsions like an addiction.
Words matter and can have a huge impact in regard to mental health. There are many stigmatizing words and phrases used in relation to addiction that need to be replaced with less detrimental words. These are words that I've used in the past and I am trying to change in my vocabulary.
Here are some suggested changes: instead of "addict" use "person with substance use disorder." Instead of "clean" use "abstinent or not actively using." Instead of "former addict" use "person in recovery/long term recovery."
Using first-person language isn't about being sensitive, polite or politically correct. It's about changing the isolation and the feeling of being an outcast so those people who need it may seek out the care they need. It's about saving lives.

02/12/2020
If this isn't a message from above as I looked across the room just contemplating that cup of hot tea and I reached for ...
02/09/2020

If this isn't a message from above as I looked across the room just contemplating that cup of hot tea and I reached for the Splenda and this is the message I got. Wow!

Plant A Seed
02/06/2020

Plant A Seed

Yes Real Simple to do list for Love Ones of Addicts!
02/05/2020

Yes Real Simple to do list for Love Ones of Addicts!

As parents we are hardwired to want to help our children. Being the parent of an addict is the most desperate, hopeless,...
02/02/2020
Find a Meeting — Nar-Anon Family Groups

As parents we are hardwired to want to help our children. Being the parent of an addict is the most desperate, hopeless, and helpless feeling ever. You become willing to do almost anything to lessen the pain and manage the problems caused by the addiction.

But if you enable your child, you shield them from experiencing the full impact and consequences of their behavior. Without boundaries, it’s easy to become as sick as your addict. It’s so important that you take care of yourselves.

I know that most of you are in a very painful season of your lives and I just wanted to suggest that you check out some in person support groups, you may find them helpful! I’ve posted the links below for Nar-Anon and Al-Anon.

https://www.nar-anon.org/find-a-meeting
https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/

Search the map below for meetings around you. We suggest using your zip code, or your city name and state (i.e., Torrance, CA).

Lean on!!!
01/31/2020

Lean on!!!

01/29/2020
Just a reminder!
01/29/2020

Just a reminder!

01/26/2020

In loving an addict

THINK
Is it THOUGHTFUL
Is it HONEST
Is it in my best INTEREST
Is it NECESSARY
Is it KIND???

01/26/2020

"It is so normal to blame yourself sometimes. We all do that. But nothing you did or didn't do made your child's decisions for them. Your child needs to understand they are responsible for themselves. If they sense you are blaming yourself, they won't want to take responsibility for themselves. You aren't helping your child by putting blame on yourself. You are a good parent."

Address

Danville Grange, 743 Diablo Road
Danville, CA
94526

Opening Hours

Monday 19:30 - 21:00

Telephone

(925) 260-4565

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"Don't let the noise of others' opinions and actions get in your way of doing what you know is right to get your child the help they deserve."