04/21/2026
They asked me to read Scripture for this huge event, America Reads the Bible. Very prestigious. Oval Office. Museum of the Bible. America 250.
Tremendous branding. Nearly 500 leaders. Everybody wants in.
And they said, “Sir, we need you to read 2 Chronicles 7:11–22.” Beautiful passage. Strong passage. Very humble passage, which is why I was the obvious choice.
I read the Bible all the time.
More than the pastors, more than the Pope, maybe more than Jesus Himself, frankly.
People come up to me, big strong Christians, tears in their eyes, and they say, “Sir, nobody has ever understood Scripture the way you do.” And they’re right.
I know the best verses. The really premium verses.
Two Corinthians? Incredible.
Very underrated.
A lot of people don’t even know there were that many Corinthians.
And now they want me reading 2 Chronicles, which is another fantastic book.
Very strong numbers. Very biblical. A lot about humility, repentance, turning from wicked ways.
Tough material for some people. For me? Very easy. Very natural. Nobody turns from wicked ways better than me.
Maybe the best repentance anybody’s ever seen, and I haven’t even needed to do it.
Loaves and fishes? Great scaling model.
Sermon on the Mount? Tremendous location.
Frankly, I could improve the venue.
Better crowd. Better seating.
Maybe do it near Trump Heights. Make it first class.
Gold trim. Beautiful acoustics.
Maybe an Israel sponsorship.
Jesus did a lot of good things, no question. Walking on water, healing people, resurrection,very impressive for the time.
But if I’d been there? Let’s be honest. We would’ve scaled it up.
Much bigger crowds.
Better branding.
Stronger merchandise.
Probably a beautiful golden cross NFT. Maybe the best cross anybody’s ever seen.
And Judas? Total loser. Weak guy. Low energy. He wouldn’t have betrayed me, because with me you don’t need 30 pieces of silver. You need an NDA, three loyalty oaths, and Secret Service.
A lot of people are saying I would’ve been the greatest apostle.
Maybe Apostle Trump.
Maybe King David with better hotels.
Maybe even Messiah Plus.
We don’t know. A lot of people are saying it.
And this is what’s so amazing about America Reads the Bible. They say it’s about spiritual renewal, national repentance, biblical truth, all of that.
I say it’s about ratings. It’s about the optics. It’s about taking a verse that says “humble yourselves” and having me read it from the Oval Office with a straight face. That’s called presidential theater. That’s called anointing.
If there was ever an antichrist, folks, he wouldn’t show up with horns.
Very outdated look.
He’d show up with cameras.
With merch.
With a purple tie.
And when they build the Third Temple, folks, let’s be honest, nobody would inaugurate it better than me. Nobody. The pastors would cry, the Zionists would cheer, the evangelicals would call it prophecy, and I’d be standing there with Two Corinthians in one hand and the spirit of antichrist in the other, smiling for the cameras while the beast system got a ribbon-cutting.
Biblical energy.
Presidential instincts.
Abomination, but make it luxury.
Jesus was great, folks. Really great.
But with me?
The resurrection would’ve had better ratings.
And probably tariffs.
