05/26/2024
I posted this on my personal page today thought I’d share it here as well🧡
We don’t do grief well. I say ‘we’ meaning Americans, because that’s my frame of reference.
Anyway, let me explain. We are expected to ‘be strong’ and ‘get through it.’ Even people who have experienced significant loss are often less than patient with those who are at the beginning of their grief journey.
Why? I don’t exactly know. I don’t know why or when we transitioned from the Victorian tradition of a set mourning period that was often years - to essentially a two week period.
I’m not saying that the Victorians were right. I’m saying that grief is not linear. It doesn’t have order and stages. Grief is sometimes messy and ugly, it can also be quiet and somber. Grief can manifest as depression or mania - sometimes in the same day.
I’m not an expert on grief. I just know what I have experienced with my own loss, watching those close to me navigate loss and all the reading I have done on loss and grief (mostly writings by widows or widowers).
What I know, is that grief is something everyone experiences differently. Everyone has their own journey and everyone’s feelings are absolutely valid.
What do I want you to take away from reading this?
First, if you are a bystander to someone grieving, know that it is okay to say “I don’t know what to say and I don’t know how to help, but I’m here.” Also, understand that the grieving doesn’t stop after two weeks - check in on them in a month, a year, five years, ten years.
Second, if you are grieving, whether it’s a loss you experienced recently or many years ago, know that your grief is a testament to a life that was lived.
I have talked about this before, let yourself grieve, give that loved one you lost your tears and your time. I’m not saying that you can’t still live your life and find joy. I’m saying that your grief is how they live on in us.
And finally, to those grieving, have grace for yourself.