Shelby County Ky Emergency Services Emergency Management & Communications

07/29/2026

07/29/2026

🐪🚨 GOOD MORNING, SHELBY COUNTY — IT’S HUMP DAAAAAY! 🚨🐪
Wednesday, July 29, 2026

Folks…

We have made it to Wednesday.

Monday tried to kill our spirit.

Tuesday wandered around acting like Diet Monday.

But TODAY…

🐪 WE RIDE THE CAMEL OF MEDIOCRITY TOWARD THE WEEKEND.

And for once, Mother Nature appears to have looked at Shelby County and said:

“You know what… I’m gonna leave them people alone today.”

😳

We don’t trust her.

Not even a little bit.

But we’ll take it. 😂

☀️ TODAY’S WEATHER

We’re looking at a downright NICE Wednesday across our part of Kentucky.

☀️ Plenty of sunshine
🌡️ High around the mid-80s
💨 A north breeze around 5–10 mph
🌙 Mostly clear tonight with temperatures dropping into the low-to-mid 60s

NO 97° temperature.

NO humidity that makes your underwear stick to places God never intended.

NO atmosphere boiling like a pot of soup.

And NO immediate indication that the sky intends to throw furniture at us.

👏👏👏

Folks, after the weather we’ve dealt with lately…

THIS IS BASICALLY A FEDERAL HOLIDAY.

⸻

🐪 WHY DO THEY CALL IT HUMP DAY?

Because Wednesday is the “hump” in the middle of the traditional workweek.

You climbed Monday.

You survived Tuesday.

Now you’re standing on top of Wednesday looking toward Friday like Lewis and Clark spotting the Pacific Ocean.

Except Friday is still two days away…

and somebody just scheduled a meeting for Thursday afternoon.

😂😂😂

⸻

🚗 SHELBY COUNTY DRIVING FACT OF THE DAY

Scientists have discovered that a turn signal is a small lever conveniently located approximately three inches from your left hand.

Remarkably…

when activated…

IT TELLS OTHER DRIVERS WHERE YOU INTEND TO GO.

🤯

This technology is apparently still in beta testing on portions of US 60.

😂

⸻

☕ WEDNESDAY SURVIVAL TIP

If someone approaches you before 8:00 AM and says:

“Good morning! Somebody’s got a case of the Wednesdays!”

You are legally permitted to stare at them silently while continuing to drink your coffee.

This is not actual legal advice.

Shelby County Emergency Management does not have attorneys.

We have radios, generators, weather radar, and extension cords.

Lots and lots of extension cords.

⸻

🤔 TODAY’S KENTUCKY PHRASE:

“I’M FIXIN’ TO.”

This does NOT indicate a specific time.

“I’m fixin’ to mow.”

Could mean:

5 minutes.

30 minutes.

After lunch.

After this episode.

After I sit on the porch for a minute.

Or…

Saturday.

🚨 Emergency Management Translation:

“Action is anticipated; however, no reliable ETA is available.”

⸻

🐿️ USELESS FACT YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR

Squirrels can survive falls from surprisingly great heights because of their low terminal velocity.

Which means somewhere in Shelby County right now…

a squirrel is sitting on a power line staring down at us with absolutely ZERO fear.

And judging us.

Probably because we still haven’t figured out the turn-signal thing.

⸻

🚨 AND FINALLY…

If today you hear someone yell:

“WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS GOING ON OVER YONDER?!”

Please understand this is not an official emergency declaration.

It is, however, the traditional Kentucky Incident Command System.

“What in the Sam Hill?”
➡️ Something happened.

“Over yonder.”
➡️ Approximate location established.

“I reckon…”
➡️ Intelligence gathering has begun.

“Somebody better go look.”
➡️ Reconnaissance team deployed.

“Well I’ll be dadgummed.”
➡️ Situation confirmed.

😂😂😂

So enjoy this beautiful Wednesday, Shelby County!

Get outside.

Enjoy the sunshine.

Wave at your neighbors.

Use your turn signal.

Drink some water.

Check on somebody who could use a smile.

And enjoy Mother Nature behaving herself…

because this is Kentucky.

She could be fixin’ to do something. 👀😂

🐪 HAPPY HUMP DAY, SHELBY COUNTY!

Stay safe.
Stay weather aware.

And if something looks cattywampus over yonder…

we reckon we might could go take a look. 😂🚨

— Shelby County Emergency Management

07/29/2026

🚨😂 SHELBY COUNTY EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT PRESENTS:

ADVANCED KENTUCKY VOCABULARY — PART 2

⚠️ PREREQUISITE: You should already understand yonder, reckon, fixin’ to, and might could.

Today we’re moving into ADVANCED SOUTHERN COMMUNICATION.

⸻

🤬 “DADGUMMIT!”

Definition: The official Kentucky word used when something has irritated you enough to cuss…

…but there are children, your mama, or somebody from church nearby.

Examples:

Drop your socket into the engine compartment:

“DADGUMMIT!”

Stub your toe:

“DADGUMMIT!”

Get behind somebody doing 38 mph in a 55:

“DAAAAAADGUMMIT!”

🚨 Emergency Management Translation:
“Personnel are experiencing elevated frustration but remain operational.”

⸻

😴 “PLUM TUCKERED OUT”

Definition: You ain’t tired.

You’re beyond tired.

You’ve reached a level of exhaustion where sitting down becomes dangerous because there’s an excellent chance you’re staying there.

“I mowed the yard, weed-eated, cleaned the garage, washed the truck, and now I’m plum tuckered out.”

Translation:

Do not ask this individual to do another dadgum thing.

🚨 Emergency Management Translation:
“Personnel resources have been depleted. Coffee and recliner deployment recommended.”

⸻

🌊🔥 “COME H-E- Double hockey sticks OR HIGH WATER”

Definition: Whatever happens…

WE’RE DOING IT.

Rain?

Going.

Snow?

Going.

Flood?

Going.

Mother Nature releases the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse onto I-64?

Still going.

🚨 Emergency Management Translation:
“Mission objectives remain unchanged despite deteriorating conditions.”

Kentucky Dad Translation:

“I already told everybody we’re going, so get in the truck.”

⸻

🧊 “SLICKER THAN SNOT”

Definition: Extremely slippery.

Scientists have attempted to determine the precise coefficient of friction associated with “snot.”

Kentuckians required no such research.

We already know.

“That bridge is slicker than snot.”

🚨 Emergency Management Translation:
“Road conditions are hazardous.”

Kentucky Translation:

“Slow your hind end down before you end up in somebody’s field.”

⸻

🫘 “DOESN’T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF BEANS”

Definition: Something of very little importance, value, or usefulness.

“All that arguing doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.”

Nobody has established:

A.) How many beans constitute a hill.

B.) What variety of beans we’re discussing.

C.) Current market value of said bean hill.

Nevertheless…

IT AIN’T WORTH MUCH.

🚨 Emergency Management Translation:
“Information has been evaluated and determined to have approximately zero operational significance.”

Facebook Translation:

“Somebody heard something from somebody whose cousin works with somebody who knows somebody.”

⸻

🗺️ “YOU CAN’T GET THERE FROM HERE.”

Perhaps the greatest rural navigation phrase ever created.

Obviously…

YOU CAN.

But apparently not using the road you’re currently standing on.

Typical directions:

“Go down yonder about three miles.”

“Turn where the old barn USED to be.”

“Go past Johnson’s place.”

“Not Earl Johnson. Jimmy Johnson.”

“You’ll see a little road.”

“Don’t take that one.”

“Take the NEXT one.”

“If you hit the creek, you’ve gone too far.”

And eventually:

“Aw heck… you can’t get there from here.”

🚨 Emergency Management Translation:
“Primary access route unavailable. Establish alternate ingress.”

GPS Translation:

RECALCULATING…
RECALCULATING…
RECALCULATING…

Kentucky Translation:

“Follow me. I’ll show ya.”

⸻

😂 BONUS ADVANCED PHRASES

🐴 “THAT DOG WON’T HUNT.”
Translation: “Your proposed solution has been reviewed and rejected.”

🛠️ “GOOD ENOUGH FOR GOVERNMENT WORK.”
Translation: “We’re done discussing this.”

📏 “A FUR PIECE.”
Translation: Somewhere between 2 miles and Tennessee.

⚡ “QUICKER THAN GREASED LIGHTNING.”
Translation: Very fast, although nobody has successfully greased lightning.

🤏 “JUST A SMIDGE.”
Translation: A measurement known exclusively to grandmothers and people cooking without recipes.

😬 “WELL, AIN’T THAT SOMETHING.”
Translation: “I have several opinions about what I just witnessed, and none are appropriate for public release.”

👀 “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.”
Translation: Everybody within hearing distance is now legally obligated to look.

☕ “I’M NOT ONE TO GOSSIP, BUT…”
🚨 WARNING:
You are approximately 4 seconds away from receiving information about people you have never met.

⸻

🚨 FINAL EXAM — ADVANCED KENTUCKY

Translate the following:

“Dadgummit, Earl! That road over yonder is slicker than snot. I reckon we might could take the other way, but it’s a fur piece and I’m plum tuckered out. Either way we’re getting there come hell or high water.”

🚨 OFFICIAL EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT TRANSLATION:

“Primary route conditions are hazardous. An alternate route is available but will increase travel time. Personnel fatigue has been identified; however, operations will continue.”

😂 ACTUAL KENTUCKY TRANSLATION:

“EARL, GET IN THE TRUCK.”

Stay safe, Shelby County.

And remember:

If somebody says “Y’all might wanna come look at this…”

That’s not technically an emergency alert…

…but around here, it’s usually how the interesting stuff starts. 😂🚨

07/28/2026

🚨😂 THE SHELBY COUNTY EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT DICTIONARY OF KENTUCKY SPEAK 😂🚨

For newcomers to Kentucky, we realize some of our terminology may be confusing.

Therefore, in the interest of public safety, Emergency Management would like to provide the following translations:

🧭 “OVER YONDER”
Definition: A precise Kentucky unit of distance.

Could mean 40 feet.

Could mean 14 miles.

Usually accompanied by pointing.

Emergency Management Translation:
“We have an approximate location. Very approximate.”

⸻

⏰ “FIXIN’ TO”
Definition: Preparing to do something.

Example:
“I’m fixin’ to mow.”

This does NOT necessarily mean mowing will begin soon.

There could be coffee involved.

Possibly lunch.

Maybe a nap.

Emergency Management Translation:
“Action is anticipated. No reliable ETA is available.”

⸻

🤔 “MIGHT COULD”
Definition: Maybe.

But with absolutely no commitment whatsoever.

“Can you help me move Saturday?”

“I might could.”

⚠️ You currently have ZERO confirmed movers.

Emergency Management Translation:
“Resource availability remains questionable.”

⸻

🪑 “CATtywampus”
Definition: Crooked, sideways, messed up, or otherwise not where the Good Lord intended it to be.

“The shed is sitting cattywampus.”

Emergency Management Translation:
“Structural orientation has become nonstandard.”

⸻

📏 “PERT NEAR”
Definition: Almost.

“I’m pert near finished.”

Could mean 95%.

Could mean 47%.

Nobody knows.

Emergency Management Translation:
“Completion percentage cannot be independently verified.”

⸻

🤠 “I RECKON”
Definition: Yes, probably, maybe, I think so, or “I have absolutely no evidence, but I feel pretty good about it.”

Emergency Management Translation:
“Information has NOT been confirmed by the National Weather Service.”

⸻

🌾 “KNEE-HIGH TO A GRASSHOPPER”
Definition: When you were very young.

“Been coming here since I was knee-high to a grasshopper.”

Nobody knows exactly how tall this grasshopper was.

Emergency Management Translation:
“Incident occurred before reliable records were maintained.”

⸻

❤️ “BLESS YOUR HEART”
⚠️ EXTREME CAUTION ADVISED.

This phrase has multiple meanings.

It can mean:

“You poor thing.”

“You’re so sweet.”

“I feel terrible for you.”

OR…

“You are quite possibly the dumbest human being I have encountered this week.”

Determining the correct meaning requires advanced analysis of facial expression, tone, eyebrow position, and whether the speaker’s hands are on their hips.

Emergency Management Translation:
“Context required. Situation potentially hostile.” 😂

⸻

🔥 “WHAT IN BLAZES?!”
Definition: Something has exceeded the normal Kentucky threshold for foolishness.

Example:

“Is that man pulling a trampoline down US 60 with a lawn mower?”

“WHAT IN BLAZES?!”

Emergency Management Translation:
“An unusual incident has been observed.”

⸻

😈 “WHAT THE DEVIL?!”
Definition: Something strange is happening and you would like additional information immediately.

Usually spoken while squinting.

Emergency Management Translation:
“Command has requested a situation report.”

⸻

😳 “WHAT THE DICKENS?!”
Definition: You’re upset, but you were raised properly and your grandmother may still be within earshot.

Emergency Management Translation:
“Incident escalating. Profanity threshold not yet reached.”

⸻

🤠 “WHAT IN TARNATION?!”
Definition: Something has happened that makes absolutely no sense.

Example:

There’s a goat standing on your truck.

You don’t own a goat.

Your neighbor doesn’t own a goat.

Nobody knows the goat.

Yet…

There’s a goat.

On your truck.

Emergency Management Translation:
“Unidentified livestock incident. Investigation underway.” 🐐😂

⸻

🚨 “WHAT IN THE SAM HILL IS GOING ON OVER YONDER?!”

Now THIS is the big one.

It means:

Something is happening.

We don’t know what.

We’re not exactly sure where.

Somebody saw something.

Somebody else heard something.

Facebook already has 37 different versions of what happened.

And somebody’s cousin knows a guy who drove past it.

OFFICIAL SHELBY COUNTY EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT TRANSLATION:

🚨 “We don’t know yet, but somebody better go look.” 🚨

⸻

😂 BONUS KENTUCKY EMERGENCY PHRASES

🌧️ “IT’S RAINING TO BEAT THE BAND.”
Translation: “Moderate to heavy rainfall.”

🌧️ “IT’S A TOAD STRANGLER.”
Translation: “Heavy rainfall with localized flooding possible.”

🥵 “HOTTER THAN TWO SQUIRRELS IN A WOOL SOCK.”
Translation: “Heat Advisory.”

🥶 “COLDER THAN A WELL DIGGER’S BELT BUCKLE.”
Translation: “Put some clothes on before going outside.”

🚗 “HE’S DRIVING LIKE A BAT OUTTA H E Double Hockey Sticks?”
Translation: “Law enforcement has been notified.”

🌪️ “THE SKY LOOKS KINDA FUNNY.”
Translation:

⚠️ THIS ONE WE ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION TO. 😂

Because in Kentucky, “the sky looks kinda funny” can go from somebody’s grandpa standing on the porch…

to TORNADO WARNING — TAKE COVER NOW

in about six minutes.

So remember, Shelby County:

If something looks cattywampus over yonder and you reckon it might could become a problem because the sky is fixin’ to do something…

Don’t just stand on the porch yelling:

“WHAT IN THE SAM HILL?!”

Check your weather alerts.

And if it’s an actual emergency…

📞 CALL 911.

Otherwise…

We’ll pert near figure it out eventually. 😂🚨🇺🇸

Tonight we will continue with Kentucky Slang! Standby

07/28/2026

😂⛈️ GOOD MORNING, SHELBY COUNTY! ⛈️😂

Tuesday, July 28, 2026 — The “What in the Sam Hill Was THAT?” Edition

Well, folks…

WE SURVIVED MONDAY.

Technically.

Last night’s storms rolled through the region like they had three warrants, a suspended license, and absolutely NOTHING left to lose. 😂

At one point the radar looked like somebody dumped a family-size bag of Skittles across Kentucky and screamed:

“SORT THAT OUT, EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT!”

🌩️ Thunder.
⚡ Lightning.
🌧️ Rain.
💨 Wind.
📱 Phones buzzing.
☕ Coffee flowing.

And your Shelby County Emergency Management crew sitting there staring at radar like:

“I swear, if that little red blob makes ONE MORE RIGHT TURN…” 👀😂

The line was hauling southeastward last night, and we were closely watching portions of it for any signs of rotation as the winds aloft gave us enough reason to keep paying attention.

Thankfully, Shelby County came through the night in pretty good shape.

And this morning we have officially entered the Kentucky post-storm inspection phase:

Open front door.
Look left.
Look right.
Look at trampoline.

“Yep. Still ours.”

Look at neighbor’s trampoline.

“Well… that might also be ours.” 😂

⸻

☀️ TODAY: MOTHER NATURE HAS BEEN ASKED TO LEAVE THE PROPERTY

Today looks MUCH quieter.

The current NWS forecast for our area calls for mostly sunny skies, a high around 90–91°F, and northwest winds developing this afternoon. The heat index may still reach around 100°F, because Kentucky apparently believes air should be chewable.

Tonight? Mostly clear and around 65°F.

Wednesday? SUNNY AND ABOUT 86°F. 😍

WAIT.

WHAT?!

Mid-80s??

Quick! Somebody open every window in Shelby County before Mother Nature realizes she made a clerical error. 😂

Seriously, after the heat, humidity and storms we’ve dealt with lately, Wednesday is looking downright civilized.

⸻

🎨 TODAY’S COMMUNITY CALENDAR: WE HAVE OPTIONS, PEOPLE!

First up…

🎨 GOGH CRAZY ART STUDIO — KIDS SUMMER ART CLUB

Today, July 28, is one of the scheduled Summer Art Club days!

🖌️ Art
🎨 Creativity
✂️ Crafts
👧 Kids having fun

Apparently children can spend the day creating beautiful artwork while the rest of us adults continue drawing the same little square house with a chimney, two windows and a sun in the upper-left corner like we learned in 1987.

We peaked artistically in third grade.

Don’t judge us. 😂

The flyer lists 9:00 AM–3:00 PM for art and creative play.

⸻

🦎🐍 AND THEN SUNDAY… SHELBYVILLE GETS WEIRD.

NATIONWIDE EXOTIC PET EXPO
📅 Sunday, August 2
⏰ 11:00 AM–5:00 PM
📍 1513 Midland Trail, Shelbyville
🎟️ $5 admission — babies free

Lizards.

Bearded dragons.

Snakes.

Geckos.

Birds.

Rabbits.

And more.

Basically, it’s like Noah’s Ark…

except Noah got tired of goats and started making questionable Marketplace purchases.

😂😂😂

Shelby County Emergency Management would also like to remind everyone that purchasing an exotic animal is considerably different from buying a funnel cake.

You cannot get halfway home and say:

“You know what, Brenda, I really don’t think we needed the python.”

Because Brenda is already emotionally attached.

And the python’s name is Kevin.

Kevin now lives with you.

Congratulations. 🐍😂

⸻

🌱 THURSDAY: THE CHAMBER HAS A LAWNMOWER.

And apparently…

THEY’RE GIVING IT AWAY.

The Shelby County Chamber of Commerce Midday Mixer is Thursday, July 30 at Central Kentucky Landscape Supply.

⏰ 11:30 AM–1:00 PM
📍 85 Breighton Blvd.

Spend your lunch hour networking AND have a chance to win a TORO LAWNMOWER.

Now THAT is Shelby County networking.

Other counties:

“Here’s my business card.”

Shelby County:

“HERE’S A LAWNMOWER, RANDY.”

😂😂😂

Nothing says professional economic development quite like shaking hands with local business leaders at noon and driving home at 1:15 with a Toro strapped in the back of the truck.

We support this.

⸻

❤️ ALL JOKES ASIDE…

Last night is another good reminder why we ask everyone to stay weather aware.

Storms can change quickly. Have multiple ways to receive warnings, keep phones charged when storms are approaching, and never depend solely on an outdoor warning siren when you’re indoors.

And THANK YOU to everybody who follows along, shares reliable weather information and helps keep neighbors and family informed.

We watch the radar.

We watch the atmosphere.

We watch the warnings.

We watch the storms.

And occasionally…

we watch a red blob for three straight hours until we’ve developed a personal relationship with it.

“Don’t you do it, Gerald.”

🌩️ Gerald: moves east

“THAT’S RIGHT, GERALD. KEEP MOVING.”

😂😂😂

Have a fantastic Tuesday, Shelby County!

Drink some water. 💧
Enjoy the sunshine. ☀️
Support something local. ❤️
Check on your neighbors.

And remember:

If somebody offers you a free bearded dragon at Sunday’s Exotic Pet Expo…

You don’t need a bearded dragon.

You came for the bearded dragon.

You now own the bearded dragon.

His name is probably Gary. 🦎

Welcome to Shelby County.

Where the storms are dramatic, the humidity is disrespectful, the Chamber gives away lawnmowers, and apparently Gary the Bearded Dragon is moving in Sunday.

😂😂😂

— Shelby County Emergency Management