14/07/2025
I really really hate to have to ask for this again, am prett much completely out of money yet again and have a long way to go to make it through this month.
If anyone can spare a few more dollars to help me get through this nightmare it will be a massive help to getting this straightened out. I'm so far behind from where I thought I'd be by now it has me frustrated, scared, and full of anxiety.
I apologize if I scared anyone with that post yesterday, it's continuing to be a hellacious experience dealing with the emotions, the constant set backs, the heat and exhaustion, not sleeping more than an hour and the PTSD is a real thing I thought would just be another aspect to deal with but it does have a way of taking control when you least expect it, that's for sure... The mental fog and the pain of having to adapt to all of this physically from a wheelchair is definitely the worst part though and it wears me out quickly. It's a challenge and time consuming even managing to move things around and I'm very stubborn about trying to do it all myself, like an idiot.
So if I can get through this month somehow I think I'll be OK, I've lowered the threshold required to survive financially by a huge margin but I'm out of money, out of options and out of patience at this point... Starting to feel backed into a corner again honestly.
A whole lot of what I had planned or set up magically fell thru when the time came, suddenly wasn't available to me anymore, and chalk it up to full moon madness or whatever but there's been so much going sideways between it all I can't even believe half of it. I feel like I'm in a surreal nightmare world like the final destination movies. Let's see... I fell off the front porch and on to my head moving things, had a minor vehicle accident thanks to debris in the road on I-95 in the middle of the night, might have broken few toes dropping something heavy, heat exhaustion every single day making me puke my brains out, my legs cramping at night keeping me up when I do fall asleep between nightmares... it's been unreal. I'm going to have to write a book on all of this so nobody ever has to go thru it all ever again.
You have all helped so much already and I cannot stand asking for more but it's the only way I'm getting through this. I pretty much lost everything and now I'll be rebuilding from scratch moving forwards. Which is fine. I have the basics just no money for fuel, food, emergencies of which I've already had a major one... It just feels like it's never ending and now everything is so ridiculously expensive I don't know how anyone survived in this economy. I still have so much to set up and no money to do it.
I have a safe place to stay and a way to get around, but now out of money for fuel to do it, to stay cool, or for an internet setup which I still have to figure that out too. For a while it's just going to be my cheap cell phone unless I can get enough money together for a starlink, T-Mobile hotspot or something. Whatever is cheapest but reliable. I will have to get that all of that straight before I can return to a normal presence on the page it looks like.
I know you all want me back to normal and it's the only thing keeping me going day to day. That's really what the post was about yesterday. I'm not thinking about ending things or anything like that, apologies if it came off that way. I'm just soo beat down exhausted, so tired of dealing with people who promise the world and then try to take advantage of my situation. Such is life I guess. You make a call in the morning to find out the days plans and get told it's all cancelled and "good luck", it's hard to swallow.
So yeah, it's not been going well at all, but I'm adapting to survive and I'll get thru this one way or another - I don't care about creature comforts I just want to be able to get back to running this page and continuing to grow it, and get this insane nightmare behind me once and for all so I can return to my normal self and the things I love, like running this page and helping everyone with their storm anxiety and understanding the weather.
I wouldn't have made it this far without every single one of you pushing me to keep going. If you can spare a few bucks it'll help me out in a huge way and get me back to normal on the page faster as I still have so much to figure out when it comes to managing the page moving forwards, internet access, and somehow getting back to Livestreaming again but that seems like a lofty goal at this point.
To all my , thank you for being a part of this ride. It's been an incredible experience and the good you all have done for me far outweighs the bad, and while things will be shifting soon, there's excitement for the new adventures ahead.
I will turn this into a positive, beneficial outcome for everyone somehow, some way.
Major life change is never easy, its always scary, but ultimately necessary. I must remember to trust in God and my own ability.
Hey at least it's making me work my swiss cheese legs harder than ever before, maybe I'll regain more usage from them...
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