Mawson Lakes City Council

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Mawson Lakes City Council All your news, updates and public service information for the Mawson Lakes Area

01/02/2023

ATTENTION RESIDENTS ⚠️
Due to the recent cholera outbreak all drinking water will he shut off from 2/02-25/02. Residents are advised to pick up bottled sprite, and adrenochrome from the library/town mosque. Apologies for the inconvenience
-rog

01/01/2022

Happy new years from the municipal staff at Mawson Lakes, we have had numerous body parts returned to our lost and found, some with severe firework damage. If you are or think you are missing a limb/appendage(s) please see our lost and found opposite Jim's hydroponics.
-Reg

We were once a free and enlightened people, able to live harmoniously with the diverse flora and fauna native to this gr...
15/10/2021

We were once a free and enlightened people, able to live harmoniously with the diverse flora and fauna native to this great land, weaving the threads of history as we saw fit. Then along came the brutal colonialism so favoured by the City of Salisbury and their councillors, looking down at us from their ivory towers. They promised us apartment complexes. 'Trickle down economy' they said. Well you all know how that turned out.

In light of a recent post by a certain shady councillor who will remain unnamed, we, the faithful representatives of the City of Mawson Lakes and all those who dwell within it, are formally declaring sovereignty from the crushing oppression of the City of Salisbury. We are your humble servants, looking to peacefully return to the simple days of old.

-Arn

Spiritual childeren of the great prophet sir Douglas Mawson, we have great news! After spending this time battling onsla...
15/10/2021

Spiritual childeren of the great prophet sir Douglas Mawson, we have great news! After spending this time battling onslaughts of leichtenstinian cyber attacks we have retaken this page and are thrilled to announce that Mawsonism is now reckognised as the official religion of the greater mawson lakes council. Any and all complaints can be sent to the department of prison and labour located on the 14th floor of the unfinished apartment block
-reg

14/01/2020

Update: council workers will be making visits in the coming weeks to Hoover your grass, removing all the oxygen in your lawn to reduce the likelihood of bushfires on your property.

Stay cool everyone

-Rob

20/12/2019

Here at Mawson Lakes we take the war on homelessness seriously! That is why we have funded a new initiative whereby we will be installing paramilitary style death squads around the Mawson Lakes area to whom we will be arming with carbine rifles and mustard gas to eradicate homelessness once and for all!

Applicants must have a strong sense of punctuality and work ethic but a sense of humour is essential! We look forward to creating our team!

Please note; serbians not allowed
-Reg

20/12/2019

Attention citizens, a friendly reminder that it is perfectly fine within the council of Mawson Lakes to have a small bonfire with some friends today, do not fall for communist “GlObAl WaRmInG” propaganda!! Our great council fully supports the starting of small fires in resistance to these radical cultural marxists!!

Regards, Harold.

01/12/2019

A reminder that the council Quiz Night will be held tomorrow night at 4:30pm in Harold’s shed, as unfortunately the town hall is booked out for Monogolian New Year. Prizes include a $20 bakers delight voucher, a bottle of moscato and a signed photo of his Highness Prince Andrew.

All welcome - Roz

21/11/2019

Marvellous news citizens! The fight for true equality in our council has finally come to an end! From this day forth all those high and mighty “Ambulance Drivers” will have to obey the road laws just as any other man or woman would. We are happy to remove the elitist scum from their pedestal and bring equality to our great council!

Regards, Harold.

Reminder to our single dad's on this very hot day, please leave the air conditioning on when you eventually make your gr...
19/11/2019

Reminder to our single dad's on this very hot day, please leave the air conditioning on when you eventually make your great migration to the pub for a few "chandies" Your kids will appreciate it while they sit playing modern warfare 2 on a broken tv screen wondering what's for dinner.
Regards- reg

16/11/2019

This post serves as a public service announcement to make residents aware that starting in 2020 we will be beginning a course on the blessings and good nature of Allah in all local primary schools. The course will cover an array of topics including but not limited too; good muslim values, sharia law and why Post Malone fans don’t get to go to heaven.

- Regards, Harold.

Who is your favorite Mawson lakes resident and why is it boris? Please say nice things only Reg
15/11/2019

Who is your favorite Mawson lakes resident and why is it boris? Please say nice things only
Reg

07/11/2019

One of our elderly residents reported 'feeling ill' last night while stood next to a street lamp. He believes this was caused by 'deadly electric magnetic rays' emitted by said lamp. For this reason all street lamp globes will be replaced with bundles of glow sticks, to be changed weekly. Please email us any colour preferences.

-Arn

06/11/2019

The use of vowels is now outlawed on punishment of being forced to watch Dave Hughes stand up comedy for 18 months straight.

Rgrds, hrld.

05/11/2019

HOW DO I OPEN A PDF-reg

03/11/2019

To the man who was on his phone playing temple run 2 during my daughters flute recital, you will be sent to work in a Siberian salt mine for the rest of your days! Shame upon your bloodline!
- Regards, Harold

Greetings citizens! We would proudly like to announce that Scientology is now the official religion of Mawson Lakes! Sta...
30/10/2019

Greetings citizens! We would proudly like to announce that Scientology is now the official religion of Mawson Lakes! Starting from the first of November (1/11/19) an additional 400$ per month will be collected in rates. This money will be used to fund a super church as an extension to the Mawson Place shopping mall. Inside this church we will have finger painting and jigsaw related activities.
Praise be to prophet Hubbard!
-Reg

27/10/2019

Please be aware that on Monday the official 'Mawson Lakes Big Bang Theory Marathon' will begin! The community will come together to watch all 279 episodes over a period of 5 days, 19 hours and 30 minutes to enjoy every second of comedic gold it has to offer! Exuberant amounts of co***ne, adderall and a sausage sizzle will be provided with a gold coin entry fee to raise money for victims of the great emu attack at the Mawson Lakes central shopping centre of 2017. See you all tomorrow glorious citizens!

-Regards, Harold.

25/10/2019

Update:
We would like to graciously announce that we have received a generous budget package form the kind people at the People's Republic of China. This money will be used to fund a new water park in our central lake and is expected to be up and running by 2025!

On an unrelated note: our school curriculum will be slightly changed and from now forwards we will have a no tolerance policy on the mentioning of Tianaman Square as nothing of note happened there.
Thanks - Reg

Please be sure to greet Cameron the Condom who will be at our seminar for sexual education for kids between the age of 4...
24/10/2019

Please be sure to greet Cameron the Condom who will be at our seminar for sexual education for kids between the age of 4 and
7!

Cameron will be at Mawson central between the hours of 2 and 4 am Sunday morning offering advice and demonstrations for your children!

Entry will be 5 dollars or an item of equal or greater value, Signed Korn memorabilia not accepted!

Cheers - Reg

24/10/2019

Let it be known that between the hours of 5 and 7 pm, $300 dollar fines will be issued to individuals caught spreading Bosnian propaganda, this also applies to any individuals who spread false allegations about my desire for feet, this is false!!!

Thank you all, Harold.

23/10/2019

HOW DO I TURN CAPS LOCK OFF
-REG

23/10/2019

Public service announcement;

Watching Rove’s standup comedy is now punishable by having your water supply cut off, permanently. Their is a 3 strike policy, HE IS A HACK!

Regards, Harold.

21/10/2019

We have had recent reports of a vile individual defecating on residents wheelie bins, if this continues neighbourhood watch will become involved and you will be fined!
-Reg

21/10/2019

The Mawson Lakes City Council is proud to announce that the national anthem will be replaced with hit single ‘Truth Hurts’ by popular rapper LIZZO at all local school assemblies.

Regards, Harold.

20/10/2019

Please be reminded that entries to the annual Mawson Lakes City Council Secret Santa are closing within the next 73 minutes. Gifts strictly can not include:

- Lightbulbs

- DVD box sets of the the Netflix series: The Crown

- Oestrogen supplements

- Loose puzzle pieces of a picture of a baboon

We hope to see the whole community involved in the event!

Regards, Harold.

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