06/09/2026
WEEKEND REFLECTION #47: THE MEN CHILDREN ARE WATCHING
A late Father’s Day reflection because I was busy enjoying the company of two of the good men I wanted to write about. A pretty fair excuse, I think.
Father’s Day can be complicated for some. Joy, grief, gratitude, disappointment. All of it can sit at the same table, occasionally passing the potatoes.
It has also made me think about the men who shape children’s lives. Not just fathers. There are men who show up in classrooms, kitchens, sports halls, waiting rooms and the general background of childhood. Some get cards. Some get a mug. Some get absolutely nothing except the knowledge that a child felt safer because they were there.
Children notice things.
They notice how a man behaves when he’s frustrated, especially when the printer stops working or somebody has used the last clean towel. They notice how he speaks to women when he thinks nobody important is listening. They notice whether he can apologise without adding the word “but” and then delivering a small legal defence.
They notice whether he can show affection without immediately making a joke to escape it. Whether he can hear no without turning it into a courtroom drama. Whether he asks for help or behaves as though needing anything from anyone is a personal insult.
They notice what happens when a man has power. Does he use it to make people feel safe, or smaller? Does he make room? Does he speak up when another man crosses a line, or does he suddenly become fascinated by a cloud?
There are a couple of men, strangers, on the edges of my life at the moment who are not being especially great. They’re close enough to be unsettling, but not close enough for me to want to give them a starring role in this post. I won’t turn it into a whole story here. It has simply made the good ones stand out more sharply.
The decent ones don’t need to dominate every room. They don’t confuse volume with wisdom or confidence with being correct about absolutely everything. They can be kind without making a documentary about it. They understand that strength is not the same thing as intimidation, and that being able to say “I was wrong” does not cause the sky to fall.
Boys need to see that masculinity can include tenderness, uncertainty, patience, a proper apology, changing your mind and asking for help. It can also include cleaning the kitchen without waiting for someone to notice and award you a medal, although apparently this remains a controversial position in some households.
Girls are watching too. They’re learning what respect feels like, what they should expect from men, and whether their voices are welcome or merely tolerated until somebody more important wants to speak.
I’ve been lucky to have good men and mentors in my life.
My dad is wise, funny, balanced and endlessly supportive. He’s someone I can turn to for a sensible view of the world, usually with enough humour to stop any of us taking ourselves too seriously. This is useful because families are very good at taking themselves too seriously.
My husband is creative, kind and supportive. He’s a wonderful dad, raising great kids at home and helping raise more of them in his classroom. He helps young people feel understood, discover what they can do and become a little more themselves, which is no small thing in a world that often seems determined to make every young person into an “influencer” lest you be deemed as failing at life.
Some of the men who influence children were never parents at all. They are the people who offer encouragement, perspective, patience or a safe place to land for a while. Sometimes they say exactly the right thing. Sometimes they just keep showing up, which may be less glamorous but is generally more useful.
Some men grow up with wonderful examples. Others have to build their idea of manhood from the scraps of what they wished they’d received. I have enormous respect for the men who recognise a harmful pattern and decide it ends with them. That kind of change is rarely dramatic. It is usually made up of small choices, repeated until they become a different inheritance.
So today I’m grateful for my dad, for my husband and for the good men quietly showing children what masculinity can look like.
They may never call themselves role models.
Children are taking notes anyway.
Here’s the card I bought for my Dad, i think it looks a bit like us. And after making sure the kids didn’t forget their dad today, in perfect irony, I of course left it on the kitchen bench. Oh well an excuse to celebrate Father’s Day 2.0 soon
