The Secure Start Podcast

02/06/2026

29/05/2026

Looking forward to delivering refresh training in my Connected Classrooms Programme to local trainers in Donegal, Ireland, in an hour's time.

Schools often have difficulty understanding and responding therapeutically to the behaviour of children and young people who have experienced developmental trauma. The Connected Classrooms programme aims to assist schools with responding therapeutically to these children, including their behaviours and other expressions of unmet need.

28/05/2026

"Behaviour that is not understood yet"

27/05/2026

Last evening I recorded a thoroughly enjoyable and important conversation with Mary-anne Hodd on The Secure Start Podcast. One issue that had our focus was the language that is used to describe behaviours exhibited by children and young people recovering from early adversity and trauma, and which are vairously referred to as "troubled", "complex" "unwanted" "bad", "challenging", and "of concern". A little chastened, I came up with the following: "Behaviour that is not yet understood".

Imagine what would happen if we replaced all pejorative labels with this simple statement - Behaviour that is not yet understood. What do you think might happen?

Looking forward to releasing the full episode in the coming weeks.

13/05/2026

One of the most important ideas I think we still underestimate in trauma and social care is this:

If harm was cumulative…

then healing probably needs to be cumulative too.

Many children living with trauma were not harmed by one single event.

They were shaped by repeated experiences over time:

* repeated unpredictability,
* repeated fear,
* repeated emotional unavailability,
* repeated rejection,
* repeated inconsistency,
* repeated shame,
* repeated dysregulation,
* repeated relational rupture.

Significant moments.

Repeated consistently.

And over time, nervous systems adapted.

This is why I sometimes worry when we unconsciously frame healing as though it will occur primarily through:

* one intervention,
* one assessment,
* one program,
* one therapeutic insight,
* or one breakthrough conversation.

Because cumulative harm rarely develops in a single moment.

It develops relationally.

And I think healing often develops relationally too.

Through:

* repeated safety,
* repeated calm,
* repeated curiosity,
* repeated emotional availability,
* repeated repair,
* repeated attunement,
* repeated predictable caregiving.

Not perfectly.

But consistently enough for trust to slowly become believable.

This is one of the core ideas behind **AURA by Secure Start** and **Secure Start Classroom AURA**.

The apps were intentionally designed to be simple daily reflective practices — helping carers, professionals, and teachers repeatedly return to four relational principles:

Accessible.
Understanding.
Responsive.
Attuned.

Not because one reflective moment changes everything.

But because repeated relational orientation changes relationships over time.

And relationships change nervous systems.

Children do not simply need isolated therapeutic moments.

They need adults who return — again and again — to predictable, emotionally safe ways of relating.

That is cumulative healing.

And I genuinely believe it matters more than many systems fully appreciate.

09/05/2026

Children Don’t Need Perfect Adults. They Need Predictable Care

The Most Important Thing Traumatised Children Need Is Not What Most Systems Prioritise Across my career in out-of-home care, education, and therapeutic practice, I have become increasingly convinced of something uncomfortable: We consistently underestimate the impact of inconsistency on children. Not just major inconsistency. Daily inconsistency. Relational inconsistency. The subtle but relentless experience of never quite knowing: who this adult will be today,...

The Most Important Thing Traumatised Children Need Is Not What Most Systems Prioritise Across my career in out-of-home care, education, and therapeutic practice, I have become increasingly convince…

07/05/2026

For years, I have sat in rooms where adults asked:
“Why is this child still struggling?”
What I often wanted to ask instead was:
“How many different caregiving systems has this child had to adapt to this year alone?”
Different homes.
Different workers.
Different rules.
Different emotional responses.
Different expectations.
Different versions of “care.”
Across my career interacting with children who could not be safely cared for at home, and adult stakeholders in their lives, I became increasingly convinced that inconsistency is not just a logistical problem.
For many children with relational trauma, inconsistency is what is holding them back from meaningful recovery.
And sometimes — despite our best intentions — even therapeutic systems can accidentally reinforce it.
That idea stayed with me long enough that I have eventually built something.
Not another complex therapeutic framework.
Not another assessment tool.
Something simpler.
A small daily app called AURA (and a partner app for teachers).
The AURA apps are built around four caregiving principles that decades of attachment research already tells us matter most:
Accessibility.
Understanding.
Responsiveness.
Attunement.
The app asks users (caregivers and teachers) to pause briefly each day and reflect:
Was I available today?
Did I try to understand beneath behaviour?
Did I respond to what the child truly needed?
Did this child experience me as emotionally connected?
That’s it.
No scores.
No judgment.
No cloud tracking.
No surveillance.
Just a gentle daily practice of relational consistency.
Because healing rarely happens through isolated “therapeutic moments.”
It happens in repeated experiences of safe, predictable care.
Small moments.
Repeated consistently.
That’s often how attachment security is built.
After an enormous amount of work, setbacks, debugging, app reviews, rejected builds, timezone issues, and learning things I never expected to learn about software development…
The AURA apps are now live on iPhone and in closed testing for Android.
And honestly, I hope they contribute — even in some very small way — to helping children experience care that feels more predictable, more relational, and more safe.
If you work in child protection, foster care, kinship care, residential care, education, or therapeutic support, I’d genuinely value your thoughts.

Search for "AURA by Secure Start" and "Secure Start Classroom AURA" in the app store.

23/04/2026

The 4 Simple Habits that Change a Child’s Behaviour (Without Punishment)

(Professionals - support for your work with parents to maintain a therapeutic care environment for children and young people recovering from a tough start to life.) The AURA by Secure Start App supports daily reflection and attention to four key aspects of caregiving and relating that support a positive approach to life and relationships among children and young people recovering from a tough start to life....

(Professionals – support for your work with parents to maintain a therapeutic care environment for children and young people recovering from a tough start to life.)The AURA by Secure Start Ap…

23/04/2026

The 4 Simple Habits that Change a Child’s Behaviour (Without Punishment)

The AURA by Secure Start App supports daily reflection and attention to four key aspects of caregiving and relating that support a positive approach to life and relationships among children and young people recovering from a tough start to life.

Accessible: Supports beliefs that you are there for the child, and that they are worthy of your attention and care. Provides relief from anxiety, especially over how to get their needs met. And so much more! Check in proactively at least once a day more than you are already doing.

Understanding: Supports experience that you get it. You can be trusted and relied upon. They are worthy. Reduces anxiety. Supports new learning that the child's experience is understood in your works (and actions, and expressed emotions). And so much more! If you know the answer to the question, don't ask. Say the answer. Say what you see.

Responsive: Supports the child's experience that you understand their needs and can be trusted and relied upon. Reduces anxiety. Supports positive ideas of self-worth and adequacy. Respond proactively to requests you would normally respond to, before the child asks. Also supports experience of your awesomeness! And so much more!

Attuned: Supports experiences of emotional connection that are foundational for emotional development, regulation, awareness of others, and regulation in consideration of the experience of others. Supports feelings of being heard and understood. Supports feelings of self-worth. Also supports experiences of your awesomeness. And so much more! Play a five minute game of their choice with them. Allow yourself to mirror their experience of the game. Return regularly to calm.

Remember this quote: I looked and I was seen, so I exist.*

Common denominators from the above AURA approach:

Attachment: Positive beliefs about self, others, and world. A functional approach to life and relationships.

Arousal: Reduces anxiety and behaviours of concern associated with the fight/flight/freeze respons (incl. controlling, aggressive, destructive, running, hiding, zoning out/not listening).

Accessibility (to needs provision): Functional new learning that you can be relied on for needs provision without obsessing over you and/or their needs.

Get the app here:
Apple App Store: https://apps.apple.com/.../aura-by-secure-start/id6758535562

Google Play Store: Coming soon.

*Attribution: Donald Winnicott

13/04/2026

FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS, THE CLASSROOM AURA APP CAN BE DOWNLOADED FROM THE APPLE APP STORE FOR FREE.

Whether you work in education, or are using the AURA by Secure Start app at home and want to see what aligned care in our child's school might look like, this is strictly for a limited time (normal cost AUD$5.00).

The AURA Apps aim to support consistent reparative caregiving behaviour through daily reminders and reflections.

If you are using either app, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Follow the link in the first comment to download the Classroom AURA app for free.