Doofy's Hazard Response

Doofy's Hazard Response I have my own little emergency service after getting the arse from the Uppaid Firemans & Firemanswomen Department Brigade & scab money using GoFundMe.

I eat a s**tload of Kwinoble Fragged Chook too with 2 cans of Coke

THIS IS NOT A DRILLIts a cereal Public Service Announcement.Your mobile phone will make big noise tomorrow. F**k knows w...
26/07/2026

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Its a cereal Public Service Announcement.

Your mobile phone will make big noise tomorrow. F**k knows what time it will happen.

Fattyboomba of Dickheadson's Hazard Response will be making announcements along with Shamus Bumswee from Wadio Wesque Emmediate CBing Ink on the walkie talkie in the broom-broom car.

Big Roads Association are preparing for CB Radio Channels 5 and 40 to be blocked by both self appointed local heroes.

The Authentic Numptese Gibberish annoucement on Ch 40 and the WWEC-21 constant whining will be broadcast on the assumed ownership of Ch 5 marking its territory like a leg lifting woofer about to p**s.

Chief Supernitendo Doofy advises he will be enjoying his regular meal of a box of Kwinoble Fragged Chook Witchpoo Wings and two cans of Coke and possibly broadcasting various burps and farts as carriers over these two numpties playing games.

Respect Mah Authoritah

6 - 2 and even. Over and out

eGreetings Viewers, Chief Supernitendo Doofy here..How are you day? I'm fine. Thanks for asking.Haven't been around much...
10/07/2026

eGreetings Viewers, Chief Supernitendo Doofy here..How are you day? I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

Haven't been around much, been on holidays on a lovely little spot called Stepsteins Island, with a certian newsreader who I'm sh****ng. Lot's of famous people here. Some interesting photos on the walls. Apparently the owner was hanging around elsewhere and not insight.

Anyway, a certian newsreader, got an post from her Bookfaces thingy from A Kwinoble Affair about a local nuisance. She who shall remain nameless said if I want a gobbie I have to post it or be on rooting rations. So here it is.....

"In stench from Kwinoble Chrmical Reactor the , this page would probably be called Fatman's Hazard Response, and honestly I'm still a little disappointed it isn't.

Once upon a time, before burst out, the Old Lady made a bet I was going to be a girl. The name had already been picked out. The bloke who was supposed to me dad bet her a lobster that I was going to be a boy.

Guess who won?

Granny-Mae did. She had 10 bucks each way.

Well... I had other plans.

As the story goes, me granny screaned, " Miss Piggy has a firehose!"

So I started playing with matches. Still do today.

Not long after I was pried out with aid the jaws of life, while the old girl was still in hospital and very much under the influence of some really good s**t, someone suggested the name Bwuce Wayne Dixonheadson.

"Me Mum's response? (My favourite word)"

"Fark....me smoo is the size of the friggin Batcave!!!!

"Unfortunately, the name didn't stick"

T"he bloke who knocked her up apparently wanted to call me "Lockwood" because he suddenly made a bolt for the door"

I"n the end, my grandad who was on the p**s, suggested "Fattyboomba" and that's the name I ended up with"

"All these years later, after being kicked out of the Kwinoble Unpaid Fireman's and Firemanswoman's Department Brigade Dickheadson's Hazard Response was born."

"F**ked Up Fact: I wasn't called anything or about a week. Everyone just said get a load of that "Fattyboomba"

"No s**t?"

"Fattybomba's Hazard Response."

"Dickheadson's Hazard Response still sounds better."

So I'm getting some tonight now...Woo Hoo!

Gotta Go.

Chief Supernitendo Doofy
Doofy's Hazard Response
Proudly sponsored by Kwinoble Palace Chinese Restaurant where the Chicken is purr-fect.

01/04/2026

"Good morning viewers, Stacey Grinspoon here reporting from A Kwinoble Affair.

"Today's feature packed story, features one mans' cosplay that became a service to the community and an advisor to not only the brain affected community of the S***y of Kwinoble from the constant toxic haze from fumes from the condemned refinery plant — that made the lead poisoning of children in The Croweaters and Serial Killers State look rainbow after a summers rain — also to the Big Roads Authority, the WA Constabulary and the Paid and Unpaid Firemans and Firemanswomen Department Brigade.

Gweg Dickheadson, a local consumer of Kwinoble Fragged Chook that decided his talent was utilised elsewhere after retiring from his illustrious career as arse-on-ist to become a community saviour. He formed 'Dickheadson's Hazard Response' and broke no laws according to his Bookfaces legal advisor.

"After, extensive training and experience with fire un-prevention and traffic cones, he gained recognition on this International Day.

"Gweg has produced his latest promotional video that showcases his unnatural abilities that made John Friedrich look a Pink Wiggle.

"We asked our resident Hazard Response Service consultant Chief Supernitendo Doofy of Doofy's Hazard Response to view the promotion view before it goes to air today before noon.

"Now crossing over to you Chief Supernitendo Doofy"

"Thank you Stacey, your boobage is top class today"

"You are most welcome Chief Supernitendo, what are your views on this blanent attempt not self promotion?"

"Stacey, After watching it, my professional opinion is that the Fattyboomba is fu**ed in the head"

Is there any more you would like to add Chief Supernitendo?

"Yeah, Show it before lunchtime so I don't chuck up up my box of Witchypoo Wings and 2 cans of Coke from the first time ya showed me. I want to keep my lunch in my guts not all over my shirt today and 2 hours on the s**tter, like the last time. Thank f**k i still had 700 rolls of arsewipe left over from COVID"

"Thank you Chief Supernitendo Doofy"

"Respect Mah Authoritah Stacey"

"Now we cross over to the promtional video. This has been Stacey Grinspoon from Channel 8 A Kwinoble Affair reporting live with Chief Supernitendo Doofy, now back to the studio...."

08/01/2026

BREAKING NEWS OBEASTIE STEALS FIRE ENGINE

In breaking news. An morbidly obese man has stolem a fire engine. Channel 8 goes live to our reporter Stacey Grinspoon

"Over to you Stacey live on scene'

"Thank you creepy voice over man who I don't even know. Stacey Grinspoon here. Live at the screen, where a local arsonist dressed in a uniform has stolen a fire truck and driving erratically.

"We have liive footage from one of those numbuts to get off taking photos and posting them on the Bookfaces.

"It appears that a large obese man wearing an orange vest was a the scene in outer districts of The Shirty of Kwinoble putting out traffic cones at a scrub fire

According to local cuntstabulary, he was first on scene and called it in. Here with me now is Chief Supernitendo Doofy from Doofy's Hazard Response. Can you tell us what you know so far Chief Supernitendo ?"

Thank you Stacy. What I can tell you is its f**king hot today"

"It sure is Cheif Supernitendo"

"Nice service of b***s you have there Stacey, they must be sweaty?"

"Thank you Chief Supernitendo, I got them put in for Christmas as a gift from Jimbo Packemup for giving him a gobby at the Channel 8 Christmas party"

"They might melt Stace I can numb the area for you. Ya up for a motorboat later?"

"Maybe, now back to the matter at hand Chief Supernitendo"

"I wouldn't mind getting my hands on them. What we know is that a large male approximately mid twentes, called in on the 3-Zero Emergency number. It took 2 hours for those lazy bustards at Optarse to put the call through. The 3-Zero operate couldn't understand the caller. So they called me for a 3 way link up. I thought she said th*****me and thought I got lucky"

"Then what happened Chief Supernitendo?"

"Well Stacey. It wasn't what I hoped for. I immediately recognised the dialect of Authentic Numptese Gibberish"

"F**king hell Chief Supernitendo! Then what happened?"

"I just was finishing my box of Kwinoble Fragged Chook Witchypoo Wings and on my second can of Coke and spat it up

"I realised it could be that Fattyboomba playing with matches again and alerted the nearest unit of the Kwinoble Highway Patrol to look for smoke and respond "

"Then what happened Chief Supernitendo?"

"KHP 1 loaded up extra traffic cones and activated its pretty orange flashy lights and speed through a school zone immediately.

"Upon arrival not so innocent bystanders being local m**h heads stated that they said a beat-up old ute with pretty amber flashy lights in the area and an obesties wearing a orange vest hanging around Stacey"

"That is crucial information Chief Supernitendo"

"Yes it is Stacey, as soon as the Kwinoble Unpaid Fireman's and Firemanswomen Brigade Department were approaching in the distance with sirens blaring, they all fu**ed off like seeing thier pharmaceutical provider on dole day when tick payment is due

"As soon as the Big Red Truck arrived, and they were tripping over the hoses, the Fattyboomba jumped in the truck. Squeeled with delight. Grabbed his his gear stick and fu**ed off"

"How do you know it was him Chief Supernitendo?"
"Well Stacey, who else plays with matches, calls it in to 3-Zeros, dresses like an obese Wonald WackDonald and post makes a TikkyToky for Facebook "

"Good point Chief Supernitendo"

"Speaking of good points your new boobage is unreal and spectacular"

"Thank you Chief Supernitendo... just in from the Channel 8 newsroom we have live footage of the missing Fire engine. Back after this commercial break sponsored by Kwinoble Palace Chinese Restaurant where the chicken is purrrfect"

More to follow...

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