31/03/2026
[EDIT] For the one at the back that only reads headlines, this was - of course - an April Fools joke. 😂 👇👇👇
🚧 BREAKING: Lions Road To Reopen Today 🚧
After years of closures, delays, and extreme damage definitely not caused by climate change related weather events, we’re thrilled to announce that Lions Road will officially OPEN this morning!
Before you set out on your drive along Lions Road, you will be required to sign a waiver form, which is available on the Kyogle council website at www.kyogle.nsw.gov.au/lions-rd-waiver, or over the counter at the council building on Stratheden Street. The waiver is "just a formality", council advised, and absolves the council of responsibility in the event of vehicle damage, personal injury, and/or death.
A council spokesperson confirmed the news at a press conference earlier today, stating:
“We’ve taken a bold new approach to road safety. Instead of fixing every issue, we’ve simply reclassified some landslides as Scenic Features. It’s all about perspective.”
Council also reassured drivers:
“The road is now at least 60% complete, which is well above our usual standard. The remaining 40% adds an element of surprise that really enhances the driving experience.”
In an exciting move, council has also introduced a new Bring Your Own Suspension policy, encouraging drivers to:
“Invest in their vehicles emotionally and mechanically before attempting the journey.”
When asked about ongoing risks, the Spokesperson added:
“If you can avoid the emotional weight of modern life, rising costs, unanswered group chats, and the general chaos of a world on the brink of global catastrophe, you can avoid potholes."
Motorists are advised to pack water and snacks, and inform next of kin.
More to come on this exciting story.