14/11/2022
Below is a post from 2019 that I shared. I have removed the names just in case anyone who is associated sees it at any time and it creates hurt.
Youth su***de is a tragic thing that is happening more and more. I have delivered a service for a young man who decided he could not go on any longer and this week I know of another young man who felt he needed to follow the same path. It breaks my heart, but I think this says it very well. Please take the time to read and if ever you need, my door is always open to you, the kettle is ready to go on and I am here to listen. xx
On Friday, I delivered a eulogy for a young man in X###xx. X###xx X###xx.
He was the son of friends. All my family love them dearly.
I have spoken to all those involved and they have all asked me to get this message out.
I am posting the second half in the hope it might change the course of just one life.- Please share.
Eulogy - 2nd part-
So, Obviously I have been friends with The family for a long time.
I talk to X###xx at least once a fortnight, if not weekly - I have always done this.
X###xxis always keen to make contact especially if Manly looses on the weekend.
I am proud to call X###xx my best mate.
I am very lucky, I have someone to talk to along with my lovely wife.
I also feel fortunate that I am here for X###xx to talk to.
Several weeks ago, when X###xx and X###xx returned home from Bali, X###xx called.
I shared with him that earlier that week, my Nephew X###xx Was found at home, passed away.
Possible su***de. He was 23, he was also a kind hearted guy, a really nice guy. My family had his funeral on Wednesday, just two days ago. X###xx told me about his other mate X###xx who’s nephew X###xx Did the same around the same time. We spoke at length about Youth su***de and possible causes, possible solutions and possibly what to watch for.
Two builders discussing Millennial psychology didn’t get much of a result but honestly, we don’t know, but we are both qualified as loving fathers and we were sharing ideas.
The next day X###xx called again and told me what his son, X###xx had done.
Three young men, aged 23-25
all in the prime of their lives. I know of two others and so does X###xx.
Like X###xx, in all these cases, no one saw it coming.
No notes, no reasons.
It is so sad, for families and friends it takes years to recover if they ever do.
This is not right.
X###xx asked me to Talk about this because if it changes the course of just one person, it is worth it.
If we find ourselves asking for reasons or blaming ourselves for what we did or didn’t do - stop
it’s done and it makes no difference now in putting these questions to ourselves because we can’t change what has happened.
We can all ponder in disbelief, we can torture ourselves by running through the “what ifs”
If this happened or if we did that.
When you catch yourself thinking this way, just stop,
Think about what you do have that is good in your life, Hug your kids.
Hug your parents. Make peace with your siblings. Give love.
Be nice to the coffee lady.
Tell those important to you that you love them.
You might be surprised-
It wasn’t a moon lit night or anything like that,
X###xx did this to me in his own way a little while ago.
He rang and told me another friend of his had passed away.
He said , Quote , and this is how you do it “ X###xx, you know what this means?” No, I replied.
X###xx said, “it means you are the last one of my groomsman left, so look after yourself you dickhead” I knew what he meant, I took it. And that’s how you do it. In your own way.
Get those feelings across because, it is assumed but it is much better Verbalizing it and taking away any doubt.
X###xx said to me last week,
X###xx knew he was loved.
So -
Don’t blame yourselves, X###xx chose his path and it was a mistake.
if X###xx saw what was going on this week, he would not have done it.
What matters now is what we do from now.
Like X###xx, if you are having these thoughts-
Firstly, just chill- whatever the dilemma is that you are going through, it is never
as bad if you talk to people about it.
Secondly, stop, breathe, take a break, get away from the screen, jump in the ocean, go for a walk, notice the small things around you and just live in the moment.
Finally, Talk - ask for help.
The people that are having these thoughts, and ask for help - they get help.
Apart from Telling people how you feel, X### and X###xx wanted me to get a message to those of you who are having these thoughts and not asking for help.
What X###### did is a permanent solution for a temporary thought
Please Talk- ask for help.
There are solutions out there and asking for help is the first step in finding it.
You don’t have to talk to your parents if you don’t want to -Ring a mate.
if you feel as though there is no one you can talk to - you can just see a doctor,
Ring lifeline, ring The black dog institute. There is a lot of help out there.
Talk- Just ask.
please- if not for yourself, for your parents, if not for your parents, for X###xx's parents.
I will leave you with this.
Every friend, parent, brother or sister would prefer to sit for hours listening to your problems
rather than sit for 15min listening to your eulogy.
