14/11/2024
This list is just intended to be food for thought ... Let's talk about this though. (And if you name any schools I will be forced to delete your comment.)
** I'm using the term 'mean kids' but it's really important to remember that there are no bad kids. Kids behave in certain ways for reasons. The real goal is to help these kids turn their behaviour around.
So, here's what I'm seeing ...
1. It FEELS like there is more nasty, calculated and cruel behaviour happening in schools amongst students. And it feels like the age it starts is getting younger and younger.
2. It FEELS like too many parents have failed to teach their kids pro-social behaviours at home -- kindness, empathy, fairness, integrity, teamwork etc etc. Teachers are then being forced to deal with the fall-out at school.
3. It's on PARENTS and CARERS to be teaching kids these skills of being able to get along with others. Again, schools are dealing with the mess of a failure in parenting.
4. Mean behaviour (especially amongst girls) can be difficult to unravel. In many cases (NOT ALL!!!), there has been awful behaviour on both sides so untangling it can be tricky and there's no clear 'villain'.
5. Where the bullying is one-way and there's a clear perpetrator and target -- the targets are often kids from marginalised groups. Kids who are neurodivergent, kids who are LBGT+, kids who are CALD (culturally and linguistically diverse) or kids with low social power.
6. Schools seem too often to respond with measures for the 'victim' to take (moving lockers, sitting in the staff room at lunch) including sometimes recommending the victim move schools. Meanwhile the bully gets to stay at the school. This makes no sense especially when you think that it only takes a handful of 'mean' kids to disrupt an entire cohort. So nothing changes because the mean kids move on to new targets.
7. Parents are feeling frustrated that schools aren't more effectively managing the mean behaviour. Students seems to get 'told off' or suspended but often nothing much changes. It feels like the bully has all the rights.
8. It feels like schools aren't game to tell parents what awful behaviour their kids are doing at school.
9. Schools (on the other hand) are often met with "I KNOW MY CHILD! YOU'RE WRONG!" when they call parents to tell them about their child's antisocial/unkind/bullying behaviours. Some parents are in utter denial about how awful their kids are being at school and this attitude is destroying the school experience for thousands of kids.
** If a teacher calls you to say your child is behaving like a jerk at school -- BELIEVE THEM.
9. Some parents threaten legal action. Others abuse the teaching staff.
10. Some teachers reinforce social hierarchies in schools by pouring attention and praise and rewards on the cliques/popular group who are known by the cohort to be cruel. This means the cohort lose faith in the teachers because of their inability to see who these kids truly are.
THE WAY FORWARD ...
11. There are no bad kids. Kids behave in certain ways for a reason.
12. Parents need to pay attention to how their kids are behaving towards others. Be the chauffeur and start driving your kid and their friends around and notice how they speak about others and to each other. Model inclusion and how to be a good friend.
13. If a school rings you to say your child is behaving like a bully or a jerk -- LISTEN. Schools have no reason to make this stuff up. If you truly think your child has been misunderstood, you can say that. But go in open-minded.
14. Schools need to be stronger in noticing and calling out antisocial behaviours in classrooms. This includes having zero tolerance for whispering, eye rolls, sniggering and students dominating classroom seating. Classroom agreements created with the students should perhaps be made and signed at the start of the year. And teachers should be in charge of seating. Some teachers are oblivious to relational bullying happening right in front of them. Eye-rolls, whispering is like cancer in a clsssroom as it puts other students on edge.
15. It feels like some parents 'own' the school and their kids get away with awful behaviour because their parents are on the P&F, they're teachers' kids or their parents were "Old Boys and Old Girls". This is INFURIATING for every other parent at the school. Also schools seem to give a free pass to kids who are star athletes - they are allowed to be jerks because their sporting success is great for the school website.
16. There has been a 140% increase in home schooling. So often lovely, kind, empathetic kids have been bullied out of schools and forced to homeschool. Meanwhile the mean kids are still at the school causing trouble. If anything, the 'mean kids' should be the ones (in extreme cases) being removed from school environments. If your behavior is abhorrent, you lose the privilege of being with that cohort.
17. Mostly, kids who are being jerks need resources and support to help turn this behaviour around. The focus should be on helping the bully learn how to function in a civil way rather than on teaching the victim how to avoid being bullied!
18. Kids screw up (like adults) because they are LEARNING how to be a good person and learning how to be a good friend etc.
19. As parents we need to realise that our kids might behave quite differently amongst their peers or with their teachers as compared to how they behave at home. 👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻👈🏻
20. Parents have their eye on the wrong prize. We are obsessed with grades, A teams and awards instead of raising kids with high EQ (fairness, likability, team work, honesty, empathy, service)
LAST POINT: Overwhelmingly too many of us have a "ME before WE" mentality. We worry about what's good for our kid rather than looking at what's best for a school community.
What did I miss?
