YEG Built For Life Foundation

05/28/2026

Read my new article "Coercively Controlling Fathers and the Hidden Threat They Pose to Children". https://dremmakatz.substack.com/p/coercively-controlling-fathers-and

Mainstream thinking tends to be that if children are going to be harmed by anything in relation to domestic abuse, it is seeing or hearing incidents of physical violence, or getting hurt themselves during such incidents. People often don't think about abuse based on coercive control, and would struggle to see just how dangerous and harmful a coercive control-perpetrating father could be to children.

This article shows how coercive control does harm children - how every coercive control tactic that a perpetrator is using will also be harming any children or young people in the family. It also reveals what key research studies have found about the parenting of domestically-abusive and coercively controlling fathers.

Victim-survivor mothers are not to blame for any of these harms — they were victims of the same abuse that harmed the children. Victims are not to blame for harm experienced by other victims. It is perpetrators who are responsible, as they had both power and unconstrained choices, but they continued their abuse rather than stopping it.

"Coercively Controlling Fathers and the Hidden Threat They Pose to Children" - 3 Key Facts explored in the article:

Fact 1: Just looking at physical violence is nowhere near enough to tell us about the full scope and severity of domestic abuse.

Fact 2: Situations where coercive control is present are uniquely harmful.

Fact 3: Fathers who carry out coercive control-based domestic abuse cannot parent in adequate ways. Every tactic that the coercively controlling father uses against the victim-survivor mother harms the children’s lives on a day-to-day basis.

I say 'fathers' for a reason here. Of course, a coercively controlling mother would be harmful too. However, 97% of those convicted for coercive control are men, so in the vast majority of cases it is the father who is the coercive control perpetrator in the family.

Link https://dremmakatz.substack.com/p/coercively-controlling-fathers-and

05/16/2026

United Nations Special Rapporteur on Violence Against Women and Girls Reem Alsalem talks about the gender bias where women and children suffer in family courts all over the world. Her findings show domestic abuse being ignored in family courts in many countries across the globe and child contact or custody given to father's who are perpetrators. She has identified "parental alienation" as a pseudo-science where predominantly it is mothers are accused of "parental alienation" in order for domestic abuse and other serious issue to be deflected and credible evidence ignored.
2 years ago but still more relevant than ever.

05/15/2026

Breaking - Today, the Supreme Court of Canada decided to create a new tort of intimate partner violence (IPV) in its decision in Ahluwalia v. Ahluwalia, recognizing IPV as distinct from other general forms of violence, such as battery and assault, and making it easier for survivors to access compensation for the harms they experienced.

In a decision that is markedly feminist and intersectional, the majority specifically cited LEAF’s argument that access to justice matters when deciding whether to create a new tort.

We are thrilled by the outcome of this case and what it means for survivors. At a time when misogyny is becoming more and more mainstream, this decision marks an important advancement in recognizing and opposing gendered harm.

Read our full press release: https://www.leaf.ca/news/supreme-court-delivers-a-landmark-victory-for-survivors-of-intimate-partner-violence/

05/13/2026

If you know someone experiencing domestic violence, report it.

05/13/2026

The new term: Child and Mother Sabotage (CAMS)

To replace ‘PA’ and ‘AB’ in situations where women and/or children have been abused, we recommend use of the term Child and Mother Sabotage (CAMS). This term applies post-separation when:

The abusive father manipulates others, including but not limited to children, other family members, friends, neighbours, extended social network and professionals, into believing that the mother is disordered, vindictive, mad, bad, evil, untrustworthy, unsafe, dangerous, etc.;

The abusive parent’s manipulation plays on sexist views of the female as a ‘hysterical, hostile or vengeful’ when she raises safety concerns or abuse claims;

This manipulation results in third parties’ negative views of and actions toward the mother, such as removal of child residency, loss of contact and/or relationship with the child, loss of employment or educational opportunities, friendship losses, isolation, homelessness, defamation of character, and health and wellbeing strains;

There is a clearly mapped history and evidence of a pattern of power and control (or ‘coercive control’) dynamics between the perpetrator father and victim mother;

There is indication within this history that the perpetrator father intends to undermine or sabotage and control the victim mother’s relationships with their children.

CAMS as a preferable term for how perpetrator fathers intentionally sabotage the child-mother connection

05/13/2026

It’s Sunday night and the door just opened. You see it in their face before they say a thing.

Later that night they say something that doesn't sound like them. Maybe it's "you always make everything about yourself." Maybe it's "you're the reason we can't afford a nice vacation anymore." Maybe they won't look at you over dinner and you don't know why.

The reason why? Malicious fracturing of attachment (MFA).

The courts call it parental alienation. That term is wrong. It was made up decades ago by a man who defended child abusers. It was never peer-reviewed. It was created to help abusers keep custody and punish protective mothers. Judges still use it.

And frankly, the issue at the core has to do with what every child deserves to have: a secure attachment with a protective parent (unconditionally loving and safe).

What is actually happening is that the predatory parent has been working against your bond with your child since long before you separated. The tactics are specific. Fear of what happens if the child says the wrong thing over there. Intimidation. Secrecy, blame-shifting, so your child thinks you're the reason everything has been hard. Isolation from your side of the family, from your phone calls and your routines when they’re not with you.

But here’s what doesn't change.

The bond you built when your child was small, when you held them through fevers, read them the same book forty times, knew what song calmed them when they couldn't sleep, taught them every step of how to pack a lunch, that bond is still there. It is underneath everything they have been told about you.

You can't always see it right now. Your child may not be able to show it to you for a long time.

They are still the kid who knows what your arms feel like is still inside the teenager who can't look at you across the dinner table.

Keep being the mother you have always been. The one with the patience, the routines, the bedtimes, and the apology when you get something wrong. That is what they will remember.

➡️ The Inner Circle is where protective mothers living this talk. You don't have to explain the phrasing or the look on your child's face. They know. The link is in my bio.

05/10/2026

Similar to the boiling frog theory. The abuse is not harsh at the beginning. It’s slow and consistent over time. As the water (the abuse) gets turned up, it becomes harder to leave (financiers tied together, living together etc).

Many people don’t realize it because it seems good at the beginning. The moment you start to lose yourself or day to day changes, ask yourself why?

You've tried to explain it to someone before. What it was actually like.

And you got about two sentences in before you realized they were waiting to hear about the part where it got really bad. The big thing. The explosion. The bruise.

But that's not how it worked. It was quieter than that. It was learning to check the mood before you said anything. Rethinking a sentence three times before you sent it. Letting things go that you shouldn't have had to let go of because the cost of pushing back was always worse than the cost of staying quiet.

Most people don't understand how someone can lose themselves slowly enough that they don't notice it happening. That's exactly why I wrote this one.

This is Coercive Control.

Read the full post here: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/why-coercive-control-feels-like-a-cult/ or at the link in my bio. Click on the NEW ON THE BLOG tab.

05/08/2026

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