10/16/2026
Real talk!
It's easy to assume, when you see my vendor setup, that I've got it all figured out and know what I'm doing.
Well, that couldn't be further from the truth.
The truth is, markets are a huge struggle, and some days are harder than others.
Today was a rough day.
My brain wouldn't brain. My dexterity didn't cooperate. If it could be dropped, I dropped it. Multiple times. If it could be put on the wrong way around, I managed that too. If there was something to forget, I forgot it.
Picture me trying to set up my gridwall panels, with one between my legs while I'm trying to screw in the legs. I'm dropping the damn screws, holding a wrench at the bottom while trying to turn the screwdriver at the top. It's a balancing act all on its own.
My fingers and hands aren't cooperating. My eyes can barely figure out where to put the screwdriver, so I have to do it by feel.
And, of course, I'm dropping everything.
My brain is on the struggle bus, I'm already overwhelmed, and now I'm being interrupted by a fellow vendor who knows the drill, asking if I'll bite if they set up beside me?!
Seriously? WTF?
The lady who usually sets up there isn't here today. Just take the spot. I don't care!
But if you ask me random, weird questions while I'm struggling to get set up, you might get a weird answer back.
So I said, "Definitely!" đŸ˜‚
Sorry, but I'm about to shut down here.
I'm trying to set up. It's a one-thing-at-a-time kind of situation. I'm concentrating so fu***ng hard, and I'm still screwing things up. I'm dropping things, getting too hot, and becoming overwhelmed by too many demands at once.
And yes, putting a screw in is just ONE of those things.
Now, this might not make sense if you have a healthy brain, because putting in a screw sounds like a simple task.
But it's not just putting in a screw.
I'm balancing the gridwall, holding the leg in place, keeping track of screws, washers and nuts, lining up a screwdriver at the top and a wrench at the bottom, and trying to hold everything steady while turning the tools without dropping anything.
That's a LOT of things to coordinate at once, even before you factor in my brain injury.
What might seem like one straightforward task to someone else can be a whole series of steps my brain and body have to work through. And today, apparently, neither my brain nor my hands, eyes, etc were cooperating.
I'm a severe brain injury survivor. I'm trying to build a CAN in a world of CANNOTs.
I'm good at making things. I'm not so good at setting up at a market. And some days, I downright suck at it.
You wouldn't know it by the time the market opens. I'm usually ready to go, and my setup looks like I've got my s**t together.
But you don't see what it takes to get there.
You don't see the struggle, the frustration, the mistakes, or how hard I have to concentrate just to do things that seem to be simple.
By the time everything is set up, I'm drained. Honestly, I wish I had time for a nap before the market even begins.
So, if you see me struggling during setup, please give me a little space. Let me finish one thing before asking me to do another.
It's not that I don't want to talk to you. It's not that I'm being rude.
Sometimes, I'm just doing everything I can to get through the moment.
I'm here to share my art, build my business, and prove to myself that I can, even on days when that's a really big stretch. But that doesn't mean it's easy.
