14/05/2026
The holidays are almost here. The school bags will come off the chairs. The uniforms will go for one last wash. And in a few weeks, our children will walk into a new classroom, with a new teacher, ready for a new year.
If your child is starting school for the very first time, or moving up to a class with a teacher you have never met, this is the moment. Not September, when the rush has already started. Right now. While we still have time to think.
We already do so much as parents. The fees. The uniforms. The transport. The breakfast at 5 am. The homework we sit through after a long workday.
We pour ourselves into our children. But there is one part of our child's education that we sometimes leave to chance: our relationship with the person who spends six to eight hours a day with them.
I have been reading Jessica Lahey's The Gift of Failure this season, and one chapter shook me. She argues that strong home-school relationships are not optional. They sit alongside two other big goals: letting our children stumble sometimes, and helping them learn from it.
The three together build resilient, capable kids.
So as the holidays approach, here are five ways to build a real partnership with your child's next teacher. Not perfect. Not complicated. Just real.
1. Introduce yourself before there is a problem.
Most of us only meet our child's teacher when something has gone wrong. A bad mark. A fight at break time. A complaint about behavior. By that time, the teacher only knows our child through the trouble, and they only know us through our worry.
Jessica Lahey calls for the opposite. Reach out early. Make yourself a known face, a friendly voice, before any storm comes. The Child Mind Institute emphasis this too: introduce yourself at the start of the year, share what makes your child tick, and keep the door open from there.
Imagine your daughter is starting Class 3 in September. You meet the new teacher, Madam Atem, at the school gate on the first morning. You smile, say good morning, but you do not say much. By October, your daughter is struggling with reading and you finally send a message. Now Madam Atem is meeting you for the first time through a problem.
What if, instead, you had sent a short, warm note in the first week? "Good morning Madam Atem. I am Sandra's mum. She is excited to be in your class. She loves stories but is shy to read aloud. Please reach me on this number whenever you need." Now you are not a stranger. You are a partner.
Let's look at two practical steps you can try.
1. In the first week of the new term, send one short message introducing yourself. Friendly, brief, no demands.
2. Ask the teacher how they prefer to communicate. WhatsApp? Phone calls? Notes in the school diary? and then use what works for them.
2. Let your child be the first voice on small things.
This one is hard for most of us. When our children come home with a complaint, we want to fix it immediately.
We want to Send a message. Call the teacher. Sort it out. But Lahey is firm here: when we always speak for our children, we teach them that they cannot speak for themselves.
She encourages us to let our children advocate for themselves to their teachers, especially as they grow. The teacher becomes one of their relationship, not just ours.
Now let break it down, Your son comes home and says, "Mummy, Teacher did not let me go to the toilet today and I almost had an accident." Immediately your blood is hot. You want to call the school. But here's the right thing to do, first Pause. Ask him: "What do you think you can say to your teacher tomorrow about this?" Help him find the words.
"Sir, I really needed to go yesterday cause I was pressed. Next time, please can I go quickly?"
Now he has practiced something he will use his whole life. Speaking up respectfully. If he tries and the issue continues, then you step in. But you stepped in with information, not with a battle.
To make this practical try this steps.
The next time your child comes to you with a school complaint, ask first: "What could you say to the teacher about this?" Coach them to get the right the words.
Step in only after your child has tried, or if the matter is too big for them (safety, bullying, anything you would not expect a child to handle alone).
3. Share what you know about your child. Don't tell the teacher how to teach.
There is a difference between context and instruction. Context helps the teacher. Instruction puts them on the defensive.
A teacher does not know that your son's father travels for work and he has been crying at night. A teacher does not know your daughter speaks French at home and is still settling into English at school. A teacher does not know that your child lost a grandmother in April.
It is gold to share. It changes how they read your child's behavior.
But telling a teacher how to handle a math lesson, or which group to put your child in, or how to do their seating chart, is something else. That is their professional ground. Trust them on it.
Imagine, Your son is starting a new school after moving from Bamenda. He is the only English-speaking child in his new Francophone class. Before the term starts, send the teacher a short message: "Just so you know, my son is still adjusting to learning in French. He understands more than he can express. Patience with him goes a long way."
That single note can change his whole first month.
To give you perspective,
Write down two or three things about your child the teacher should know. Strengths, soft spots, anything happening at home that can affect academic performance. Share them at the start of term.
When something big shifts at home (a death, a new baby, a parent traveling, a separation), send a brief heads-up. The teacher does not need details. Just the headline.
4. Mind the timing and tone of your messages.
We have all done it. Sent a long voice note at 10 pm. Caught the teacher at the school gate during pickup, surrounded by other parents and other children, and tried to discuss a real concern. Or worse, fired off a sharp message because we are tired and frustrated, and our child is crying, and we just want it solved.
Teachers are people. They have their own children, their own dinners, their own sleep to protect.
The Pepperdine education researchers note that consistent, well-timed communication builds trust. Storming the inbox at midnight does not.
Now let's make this practical, imagine your child comes home on Friday afternoon saying she was punished for something she says she did not do. You are upset. Your first instinct is to type a long message right away. Please Pause and wait until Saturday morning or Monday.
When sending a message or confronting the teacher, lead with a question, not an accusation.
For Example
"Good morning, Madam. Sandra came home upset about an incident on Friday. I would love to understand what happened from your side."
Same concern. Different result. The teacher feels respected. You learn the full story. Sandra sees a calm parent who handled it well.
To take this a step further try this steps.
Set a rule for yourself: no school messages between 7 pm and 7 am unless it is an emergency.
When raising a concern, lead with curiosity instead of accusation. "I would love to understand..." or "Can you help me see..." This opens doors that "Why did you..." slams shut.
5. Back the teacher up in front of your child. Handle disagreements privately.
Our children are watching us always. When we complain about a teacher in front of our child, even casually, even just a little, we hand them a tool. They will use it. "But mummy, even you said my teacher does not know what she is doing."
This does not mean we agree with every decision a teacher makes, We will not.
Sometimes we will be deeply frustrated. But we save those conversations for the teacher, not for our child. In front of the child, the line is simple: I trust your teacher. We are on the same team.
Lahey compares teachers to referees in a sports class match. They make calls. Some are right. Some we may disagree with. But our children learn so much by watching how we respond to authority figures we do not always agree with. Calmly. Respectfully. Through proper channels is the way to go..
Imagine this very common scenario, Your son says, "I hate Teacher. She gave me extra work because I was talking." You could pile on: "Yes, that teacher is too harsh." Or you could say: "It sounds like a long day. Extra work is not fun. But your teacher needs everyone to focus. What can you do tomorrow to make sure you are not the one talking?"
Here is what you did with the second response, You have validated his feeling. You have backed the teacher. You have given him a way forward.
Now for a small holiday challenge.
Don't try all five at once. Pick the one that feels most useful for your family this term. Sit with it. Plan how you will start when school resumes.
You might be surprised. Most teachers are quietly hungry for a real partnership with parents. They are doing one of the hardest jobs in our country, often with very little, and the parents who show up with warmth and trust are the ones they remember. Be that parent.
And then, when our children fail at something this year, as they will, we will have a teacher in our corner who knows us, knows our child, and is rooting for both of us.
That is what real partnership looks like.
With love,
Larisa Livella A. E.
Applemelon
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