05/07/2026
Well you might have already heard but England are in the final. In fact they’ve already won the World Cup. That’s why we’re harping on about it here at the EBC - sorry, BBC - every opportunity we get on the radio and other channels. The open top bus top tour through London with the World Cup trophy is already arranged and we’ve already approved 3 BBC documentaries to explore our feelings.
Keir’s extended the old licensing rules, and will declare a state of emergency if it’s not looking good by half time, hopefully clawing back anything of his fading ratings and power
We’ve got Wales, Scotland and Ireland backing us to the hilt as always, not a single person wants us to lose, or that’s what we decided anyway. As of course everyone should support England, just as we had to mourn for Elizabeth.
After all we’ve all been historical chums, brothers even, since the dawn of time itself and what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.
Don’t forget to bring your subservience or we’ll remind you of who’s in charge of the UK budget. You wouldn’t want to lose crucial benefits like HS2 and palace upgrades or us to remind you how we clawback your unspent devolved money and take your promised EU leave funds.
We’ll see you in our fanzones singing our tone-deaf renditions of football’s coming home with the melodic charm of a rusty pub sign swaying in the wind, as we fester in our beloved flag of St George who was Turkish anyway but we dont have any culture of our own to draw on - but fortunately we can take what you have.
