05/06/2013
Guest Post – Dear Parents With Young Children in Church.
Posted on May 29, 2013 by Sharon Harding
Today I want to express my gratitude to *that Mom* for giving me permission to reprint her blog post “Dear Parents With Young Children in Church.” *That Mom* is a stay at home mama to two little boys and a pastor’s wife. Her blog is well worth exploring.
This particular post really touched my heart. I would encourage you to read it carefully and prayerfully consider the questions afterwards.
“Dear Parents with young children in church,
You are doing something really, really important. I know it’s not easy. I see you with your arms overflowing, and I know you came to church already tired. Parenting is tiring. Really tiring.
I watch you bounce and sway trying to keep the baby quiet, juggling the infant car seat and the diaper bag as you find a seat. I see you wince as your child cries. I see you anxiously pull things out of your bag of tricks to try to quiet them.
And I see you with your toddler and your preschooler. I watch you cringe when your little girl asks an innocent question in a voice that might not be an inside voice let alone a church whisper. I hear the exasperation in your voice as you beg your child to just sit, to be quiet as you feel everyone’s eyes on you. Not everyone is looking, but I know it feels that way.
I know you’re wondering, is this worth it? Why do I bother? I know you often leave church more exhausted than fulfilled. But what you are doing is so important.
When you are here, the church is filled with a joyful noise. When you are here, the Body of Christ is more fully present. When you are here, we are reminded that this worship thing we do isn’t about Bible Study or personal, quiet contemplation but coming together to worship as a community where all are welcome, where we share in the Word and Sacrament together. When you are here, I have hope that these pews won’t be empty in ten years when your kids are old enough to sit quietly and behave in worship. I know that they are learning how and why we worship now, before it’s too late. They are learning that worship is important.
I see them learning. In the midst of the cries, whines, and giggles, in the midst of the crinkling of pretzel bags and the growing pile of crumbs I see a little girl who insists on going two pews up to share peace with someone she’s never met. I hear a little boy slurping (quite loudly) every last drop of his communion wine out of the cup determined not to miss a drop of Jesus. I watch a child excitedly color a cross and point to the one in the front of the sanctuary. I hear the echos of Amens just a few seconds after the rest of the community says it together. I watch a boy just learning to read try to sound out the words in the worship book or count his way to Hymn 672. Even on weeks when I can’t see my own children learning because, well, it’s one of those mornings, I can see your children learning.
I know how hard it is to do what you’re doing, but I want you to know, it matters. It matters to me. It matters to my children to not be alone in the pew. It matters to the congregation to know that families care about faith, to see young people… and even on those weeks when you can’t see the little moments, it matters to your children.
It matters that they learn that worship is what we do as a community of faith, that everyone is welcome, that their worship matters. When we teach children that their worship matters, we teach them that they are enough right here and right now as members of the church community. They don’t need to wait until they can believe, pray or worship a certain way to be welcome here, and I know adults who are still looking to be shown that. It matters that children learn that they are an integral part of this church, that their prayers, their songs, and even their badly (or perfectly timed depending on who you ask) cries and whines are a joyful noise because it means they are present.
I know it’s hard, but thank you for what you do when you bring your children to church. Please know that your family – with all of its noise, struggle, commotion, and joy – are not simply tolerated, you are a vital part of the community gathered in worship.”
Questions
How often do you express your appreciation to parents who struggle to church with their young children?
Do you make a point of telling these parents that they and their children fill the church with joyful noise?
Do you tell the parents what you see the children learning week by week?
What actions could you take to demonstrate to these families that they are vital members of the community?
ABOUT SHARON HARDING
I was born in England and immigrated to Canada almost 30 years ago. A graduate of Gloucestershire University (B.Ed.), I have been involved in children’s ministry since I was 16. Over the past 12 years I have written for a variety of Christian Education curriculum resources. When I am not working I enjoy painting, reading, and pottering around the Internet.
View all posts by Sharon Harding →
This entry was posted in Children's Ministry and tagged accepted, children, community, feature, prents, welcome, worship. Bookmark the permalink.
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10 RESPONSES TO GUEST POST – DEAR PARENTS WITH YOUNG CHILDREN IN CHURCH.
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This is a great post. I try to continaully remind the congregation of the importance of the children in our midst, however, it seems always undercut by the ‘sigh’ of another person being annoyed at the child’s laughter, or the stern glances that state ‘you should be out in the hall’.
In my last parish I had a parishoner come with her kids for the first time and then heard someone whisper ‘can’t she have her kids shut up for a minute!” She left in tears. To her credit, she came back. But it took a lot of convincing that the Christian community was one of love and care.
This is a great reminder of the importance of the children, and our call to nurture, care, and respect even the smallest amongst us. Thanks.
Kyle Norman May 29, 2013 at 12:19 pm
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Ohh your heart must have sunk when you heard what had been said. Unfortunately we cannot prevent the sighs, stern glances and whispered comments. Still I think it does help if others in the congregation do provide positive feedback in the form of smiles and verbal affirmations.
I also think (and I say this with much trepidation) that as congregations we need to lovingly talk to those people who make hurtful comments and explain the harm they do. I can’t decide who should do this though. I think it probably needs to be someone other than the priest.
Sharon Harding May 29, 2013 at 9:30 pm
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Fantastic post. I’m so glad you shared it here. I’ll definitely be stopping by *That Mom*’s blog to read more of her writing. My husband and I recently started taking our kids to church (and returned to church ourselves) and it has been a wonderful experience. The church we go to has made us and our kids feel like we belong there. And as one really nice older person said to me on about the fourth or fifth Sunday we attended when I apologized for the racket my kids made during the service, “There is no such thing as a loud child in church, dear. We are all here to worship in our own way, and the little ones just do it best out loud.”
Nancy May 29, 2013 at 2:13 pm
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Nancy, that’s great! I like this person already.
Jesse Dymond May 29, 2013 at 2:23 pm
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Thank you so much for sharing your story Nancy. It encourages me to know that there are people in the pews who get it! I am so glad you had that experience.
Sharon Harding May 29, 2013 at 9:32 pm
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I like this article very much, as well, and am pleased that it’s being shared.
I’m an Anglican priest and the mother of three young boys. My children are my best teachers and I learn a great deal from our young friends at church, as well. I make a point to tell young families and those visiting with us that I know it is much easier to plan and preside at a Sunday morning eucharist than it is to keep one (or three!) children and those around them happy all the way through it. My husband has done this for years. I tell these families what I tell my own children, that its their job to make noise, make a mess, play, and rest in the knowledge that they are loved by God and called to love others. My husband sometimes jokes that those who plan the services don’t always seem to have received the memo.
I guess it’s for this reason that one thought did come to mind once I’d finished reading the article. If it’s true that worship shapes who we are as the Body of Christ, we would all do well to “sit quietly and behave in worship” less often, regardless of our age. I hate to think what kind of church our children will have left for them, and the kind of witness it will have, if we don’t.
Elizabeth May 31, 2013 at 9:29 am
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The church is for everybody we should sing “Welcome Everybody” every week and encourage all to attend.
Sheila Mackay May 31, 2013 at 11:23 am
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I love this, I have been there, I see and hear it today and it warms my heart.
Nora Davis June 1, 2013 at 6:55 pm
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We left our church when it was the minister in charge who was unaccepting of children. Not surprisingly, the average age of the congregation at the church he had retired from was over 60. I think that church still exists, mostly because of its own endowment. Focus on music as a way of reaching out to the unchurched or those who have been absent for many years. Reach them by what is sung (by the choir), not said or read.
Sally June 2, 2013 at 11:47 pm
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I love this article and that our Church is filled with joyful noise week after week. Our children frequently out number the amount of adults present. The best comment I have heard in church came from my son who was 5 at the time when he ran up to Daddy after running and spinning and jumping in the aisle during worship and asked “Daddy, do you like how I dance for Jesus?” Our kids really do worship in thier own way.
Mellissa McDonald June 4, 2013 at 9:07 am
