The Not So Secret Foster Carer

13/06/2026

FROM MELTDOWNS TO MEDALS 🏅

The realities of competition for children who are neurodiverse or who have experienced early life trauma.

Literally, failure, or perceived failure, and not winning are incomprehensible for some of our children and young people.

Two seconds after the first photo at sports day, with a perceived failure due to missing a skip through with the rope and said rope was launched into oblivion with my granddaughter retreating to hide behind her teachers and peers.

For a while, she was inconsolable.

With the right support from family and friends, along with some sensible and appropriate accommodations, (and a not so sensible nanny screaming, 'go on EJ, you can do it', repeatedly from the side lines) she was willing to try another race twenty minutes later. 👌😊

A couple of years ago, that perceived failure and deep sense of shame she'd feel would result in no further engagement with activities from EJ.

I'm so proud of how far she's come.

She went on to win the adapted egg 🥚 & spoon 🥄 race (I.e, tennis racket 🎾 & ball) 🏆🏅

It isn't easy to journey alongside a child as they travel the pathway towards healing. It takes a great deal of patience, resilience, and commitment, along with a consistent, stable presence from family members and constant support, encouragement, and empathy to help them stay on track. 🫂

And I'm not saying that our children shouldn't be exposed to things like sports day. I'm sharing the realities for some children and how we, as parents and carers, can support our youngsters at such times.

I am so proud of my entire family for the way we navigate these challenging adventures together.

Love you all. 🩷💙💚💙💙🩷🩷🩵💜💙

EJ, you're just champion. 🏆 🥇 👌🫶💜

Pictures shared with permission.

P.S. This was sports day 2025. Good luck to all children, parents/carers, and teachers for sports day 2026

12/06/2026

Happy birthday darling Esmae! 🎂🎂💜💜

Though how you are 2 already I can't comprehend! 🎉🎉

For my beautiful granddaughter I wrote this poem last year:

Poorly Babe

Her arrival was never meant to be
But a beautiful surprise for all to see
Unplanned, unexpected, a wonderful treat
She now is fast upon her feet

A poorly babe, so weak, so fragile
To NICU she went, to rest for a while
Feeding was frantic, and sleeping awry
She couldn't do either, no one knew why

A challenging start, for this beautiful soul
Who stayed wobbly and weak, took longer to roll
She didn't sit, and wouldn't chat
We couldn't work out where she was at

The doctors were puzzled, they wrote 'global delay'
But couldn't explain why she was this way
They started the therapies, too many anew, physio, speech therapy, a dietician too

Next came OT, audio, and sight
So many to mention, a whole team overnight
But she started to change, grew stronger you know
There's no stopping her now, just watch her go

She can sit and walk
But she struggles to talk
She found her own way though
Using signs and sounds she'll make sure you know

Her first year passed
She hardly slept
Her mummy and daddy quietly wept
With lack of sleep an unwelcome guest

Throughout it all, she smiled with glee
Loving and caring, a joy to see
She never complained, just got frustrated
As her communication was underrated

But love often finds a way
To smooth the passage throughout each day
She points and signs with new found glee
A way to help us all to see

She knows her mind, she shows no fear
The dearest soul, to treasure dear
And so she fills our wonderful days
With love, laughter, and her endearing ways

Wonderful Esmae, fearless and kind
A more precious child we'll never find
She's brightened our world beyond compare
For this darling girl, we'll always be there

Love you gazillions, Esmae. I'm on my way to celebrate with you 💜💜

09/06/2026

SCHOOL SPORTS DAY 🏃‍♀️🏃

It can be great fun, but it’s also....................

Another challenging day for many children who are neurodiverse or have experienced early life trauma

Why is this?

One simple answer is 'change'

Change and transitions are the enemy for many of our children. Add in excitement, a need for control, and a sense of competition so huge that makes not winning totally incomprehensible for many of these children and it can become an overwhelming experience

Even excitement and anticipation can be enough to completely derail some children, leaving parents and carers confused and bewildered

So, how can we help? Being aware of this excitement/anticipation phenomenon is half the battle. Then we make appropriate and sensible accommodations to help our children during these challenging times

Our stable and consistent presence is also a massive help for our children, along with patience and empathy

We still keep to our predictable expectations and boundaries, too. We must demonstrate consistency to help our children feel safe

Good luck everyone 👍😊💜💚🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️



Pictured is one of my beautiful granddaughter's. She finds sports day extremely challenging. Stay tuned for my next post, 'from meltdowns to medals,' to learn more

Picture is shared with permission 🫂🫶💜

06/06/2026

Happy National Fish and Chips Day

I'm going to share what fish and chips means to me! I wrote about it in a chapter of my second book, 'Tug of Love'.

Fish 🐟 and Chips 🍟 equals comfort 🫂

Fish 🐟 and chips 🍟 equals unconditional love 🫂

Fish 🐟 and chips 🍟 equals my wonderful father 💜

My amazing late father taught me the value of a healthy parent and child relationship. He corrected decades of misguided ideas about relationships and helped me to heal from other early life toxic relationships.

He wasn't an overly chatty man. He didn't talk about emotional topics, he was an old fashioned gentleman, but he was always there. Even when I was challenging, testing boundaries, or flat out in the wrong. He'd correct me for sure, but I always knew that I was guaranteed of his love.

So, what has this to do with Fish 🐟 and chips? 🍟

Well, whenever I was sad, angry, feeling let down, disappointed, scared or even happy, he was there with his comforting hug and his chirpy......

'Shall we get fish and chips?' 😁🫂💜

Even better was......

'Shall we get fish and chips on Southsea sea front and watch the hovercraft?'

So fish and chips is still a way I might commiserate or celebrate!! 🫂💜

Fish and chips is a happy comforting pass time for me. With wonderful memories 💖

Does anyone else have a similar story?



Pictured is my father building a telephone exchange in Africa (1958) with the GPO (General Post Office, who controlled ☎️ at that time)

04/06/2026

Foster Care Fortnight may be over, but the need for more amazing foster families isn't. If you've ever considered fostering but can't commit to full time care support, maybe you could offer shorts breaks sleepover care?

Please send your enquiry to [email protected] 👍😊💜

What is Respite Care? Respite carers provide care for a child on a one-off or regular basis in order to give their foster carer or parents a regular break. This might be a regular weekday, weekend or overnight commitment for a child with special needs who lives at home with their family as part of a...

04/06/2026

This is how we can teach our children. With good role models learning how to 'be' in the world with healthy and positive morals, values and attitudes is already happening as part of their educational & life journey. Teach them well!! Xx

03/06/2026

END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.....................

For neurodiverse and trauma experienced children. 🏫

I'm seeing a lot of children and adults struggling at the moment. Let me explain this end of term phenomenon.

This time of year is super hard for our children. For all children; but even more heightened is the awareness of our children who are neurodiverse or have challenges related to trauma in their lives. 😢

Changes and transitions are often their greatest enemies.

You may think I'm posting this too early, but believe me, these children have already noticed the approaching end of year changes!

There's so many unpredictable end of term events, exciting events, like sports day, bigger assemblies, award presentations, and parties, to name just a few, that many of our children cannot cope with.

Then there's the anticipation of change and of loss. Some of our children have already experienced great loss in their lives. Saying goodbye to another trusted adult can seem unsurmountable for some, even if they're still likely to see them around school. It's even harder for those children moving on to another school. That's a whole new minefield.

Navigating this journey is challenging at the best of times, but it's about all consuming anxiety for many of our little ones.

It can be equally difficult for their parents and carers who journey alongside their anxiety which is often accompanied by challenging behaviours as an outward sign of their distress.

So, what can we as parents, carers, and teaching staff do to help?

Understanding what is occurring is a big help.

Empathy, patience, appropriate accommodations, and good old fashioned personal presence can also go a long way to help us carry our children through these storms.🌬

Friends, family, or neighbours offering practical help to a parent or carer, in any small way, could be a great gift, too.😊

And head for the great outdoors!! Harness the power of nature. That should never be underestimated. (And it doesn't cost anything😉)



Photos are two of my own beautiful nd tribe. They are shared with permission. (my dog, Hope Nevaeh, is also great therapy🐾💜)

03/06/2026

Did you ever wonder what type of person makes a good foster carer? 👨‍👦👩‍👦👨‍👦👩‍👦

Then read on:

A glimpse into the real life of me;

I'm a small business owner, author, single mummy, nanny, therapeutic foster carer, Fostering Ambassador, dog mum, dog breeder, nurse (not practicing, no time🤪) and mental health advocate 😊📚🎶🐾🍰🧁☕️🚐💚

I own and drive a classic VW campervan in my business role and for pleasure 🚐💚

I'm a lover of music, the great outdoors and all things vintage or retro. Oh, and cake, very much a lover of cake!! 🍰👌😊💚 And maybe chocolate, too 🙊🍫💜

But seriously, I'm also not ashamed to share my past struggle with mental health illness. I share my story to prove that challenges with our mental health don't mean that we can never achieve or be happy. I am both 😃

My past life experiences all enable me to have the understanding and empathy needed by our vulnerable children we care for and their families. 😊💚💜

I love our fostering community at Foster Portsmouth and Fostering South East @



Come and join us. Email your enquiry to [email protected]

01/06/2026

I do. Could you? 💙🧡

A Growing Need in Our City Over two thirds of children in our care are aged ten and over. This presents a pressing need to find additional foster carers for older children and teens who find themselves in need in our city. Fostering Teens: A Chance to Inspire Fostering teenagers is a unique opportun...

01/06/2026

Fantastic infographic from Dr Juliet Young 👍😊👌🫶

Please look after the carers! They can't pour from an empty cup!! 👍