15/10/2026
“Children deserve better than survival. They deserve peace. They deserve calm."
We are sharing the following words from a survivor who grew up experiencing domestic abuse. With honesty and reflection, she shares how this shaped her outlook and her self-worth. She has chosen to do this because of a drive to help others and raise awareness.
This survivor wrote:
“I didn't know love wasn't supposed to hurt.
“I thought staying proved you loved someone.
“I thought sacrificing yourself was what partners did.
“I thought surviving was the same as being loved.
“I couldn't have been more wrong.
“Sometimes I wonder what my life would have looked like if my mum had left sooner.
“Not because I blame her I never could.
“I know now how impossible leaving can feel.
“I know about fear.
“I know about manipulation.
“I know about trauma bonds.
“I know that leaving is often the most dangerous time.
“This isn't about blaming her.
“It's about grieving the little girl I used to be.
“Because maybe... Just maybe... If I'd seen my mum choose herself... I'd have learned I was allowed to choose myself too.
“Maybe I'd have recognised the warning signs. Maybe I'd have walked away the first time someone made me feel small. Maybe I wouldn't have spent years chasing people who only knew how to break me. Maybe I wouldn't have confused control with care. Maybe I would have known that love shouldn't leave bruises—on your body or on your soul.
“People say children need two parents. I disagree.
“Children need safety.
“Children need peace.
“Children need to know they'll wake up tomorrow with the people they love still alive.
“I'd rather my child grew up in one tiny flat full of laughter than a mansion full of fear.
“I'd rather my child had one happy parent than watched one parent bury the other.
“I'd rather my daughter learned that walking away from abuse is strength than grow up believing enduring it is love.
“Children deserve better than survival.
“They deserve peace.
“They deserve calm.
“They deserve homes where laughter is louder than shouting.
“Where footsteps don't make their stomachs drop.
“Where keys turning in the front door don't fill them with dread.
“Where bedtime means stories instead of tears.
“We spend so much time protecting children from strangers.
“We worry about social media. We worry about drugs. We worry about bad influences.
“Yet some children are living with the most dangerous thing they'll ever encounter... Inside their own home.
“Abuse doesn't just leave bruises. It rewires children.
“It teaches them that love hurts. That fear is normal.
“That silence is safer than speaking. That surviving is the same as living.
“It takes years to unlearn those lessons.
“I'm still trying.
“So when I say don't stay together just for the children... Please understand where those words come from.
“They come from the little girl who thought every scream was going to be the last one she ever heard.
“They come from the woman who spent years accepting less than she deserved because abuse felt familiar.
“And they come from a mum who would rather her daughter grow up with one peaceful home than two parents trapped in a violent one.
“Because homes aren't built by keeping two adults under one roof.
“They're built with love. With safety. With respect. With peace.
“If those things have gone, then sometimes the bravest thing you can do for your children isn't staying.
“It's leaving.
“Because leaving doesn't always break a family.
“Sometimes...It's the first step towards finally saving one.”
We would like to thank this survivor for sharing her story so bravely and candidly in the hope it might help others. If you have experienced domestic abuse, please know that there is help and support available.
Call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
Haven Domestic Abuse Service are a registered charity covering Boston and South Holland providing support, advice and safe housing for male and female victims of domestic abuse and their children. For more information, please see the link in comments.