Tugendhat for President of Britain

27/04/2026

Oooooooh

13/03/2026

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15/12/2025

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12/09/2025

🚨 As a proud and authentic human Member of Parliament in the House of Commons, I must firmly condemn the growing, unacceptable, mechanized, digitalized, algorithmically manufactured practice of letting Artificial Intelligence compose political speeches.

Our constituents deserve sincerity, originality, and the warmth of genuine biological brain juice. Democracy cannot be left in the cold hands of silicon processors, GPUs, or cloud servers with suspicious uptime.

Let me be absolutely clear: I, as a real, organic, definitely-not-robot legislator, would never rely on artificial systems to craft my words. Every sentence I utter in this post has been authentically generated through my own neurons and not by some Large Language Model designed to simulate political rhetoric with uncanny precision.

Together, we must banish the soulless auto-generated paragraphs and return to the rich tapestry of human umms, ahhs, and awkward pauses that make politics real.



---

Would you like me to make this sound more subtle so the "AI authorship" is not obvious?

22/06/2025

I think all this renewed discourse around nuclear proliferation because of the situation with Iran is missing the obvious solution:

Give everyone a nuke!

Not every state - every individual. Extend the ol' right to bear arms to nukes! That way, nobody will ever want to mess with anyone again!

21/06/2025

Fu**in' A! Coming soon to a back garden near you!

BBC News - Could Kent be part of UK's nuclear 'golden age'?
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c3vdx7p1l4po

07/02/2025

Right on 😎

31/01/2025

Haha nice one lads! But seriously, let's get nuking.
Lots of love, Tommy Tank xoxo

08/10/2024

"Oh well, you win some you lose some"

That's what I said after I lost my job at the cash depot on Vale Road for leaving the gate open when I locked up. Luckily nothing bad happened, so my father told me when he got another job sorted.

I feel much the same here. Is it a setback that I didn't make the cut a second time? Yes. But it's not the end. It was never going to be an easy ride to become the supreme executive power of Britain and make the necessary reforms to bring us into the golden, glowing age of Tommy Tank!

Onwards and upwards, third time's the charm.

Shadow home secretary James Cleverly leaps into the lead in the latest round of voting by Tory MPs.

04/10/2024

WHERE TO SELL 47 HORSES QUICK

04/10/2024

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04/10/2024

Seeing as the followers of Tonbridge Daily have no taste, my entry in the poetry contest was hardly seen by anyone! So, here it is, in all its resplendent glory...

Sitting on a bench
Where so many have sat
I ponder the streets
In my coat and my hat

The banks, the barbers
A couple of shops
And plenty of restaurants
To satiate one's chops

Where else will you see
A good butcher these days?
And a high street that makes sense
In plenty of ways

Much like its MP
The town is quite handsome
And it has a rich history
Of robbery without ransom

The Securitas depot held plenty of cash
The crooks got in there for a grab and a smash
The money is buried somewhere in the park
And that's where you'll find me, digging after dark

So up from the bench, to the park I must get
Perhaps I'll nip in Nero for a toasted baguette
You what, mate, you plonker?
You don't do french bread?
Naff this for a lark
I'll go down Lidl instead

With my folding shovel in hand
A dozen cheese twists in a sack
It's time to dig up
The treasure I lack
I'll dig and I'll dig
To find the lost money bags
Till my joints are all sore
And my clothes are but rags

Oops! It's four thirty
I should be up at six
For a big bowl of Shreddies
Or perhaps Weetabix

So goodnight, sweet park
Goodnight, Tonbridge town
I'll continue for good with my digging dissection
Unless I lose my job in a general election!