08/03/2026
The Day the Bearded Dragon Almost Had to Clock In
A small tale from Dai Laffin, Patron Saint of Standing Around in Doorways
Word reached Dai Laffin earlier today of a small bit of excitement at the top of Waunrhydd Road, inside the well-known and much-appreciated new establishment called The Pet’s Empawrium.
Now for those who haven’t been in there yet, let Dai explain something straight away.
Despite what some people assume, The Pet’s Empawrium does not sell animals.
No.
What it sells is everything imaginable for animals — food, supplies, treats, toys, bits, bobs, contraptions, and mysterious packets that only dog owners seem to understand.
The animals you see in there — the reptiles, lizards and other scaly residents — are not for sale.
They are staff.
Or at least display consultants.
They sit there all day under heat lamps looking extremely unimpressed with humanity.
Anyway.
Earlier this morning, Sarah — the brave commander of this reptilian retail empire — had a bit of an episode and briefly blacked out in front of a couple of customers.
Now thankfully she’s absolutely fine, but as these things go it understandably caused a bit of a moment.
One kindly customer, trying to be helpful, said:
“Next time that happens you should give me a ring.”
Which is very generous advice.
Except Sarah quite sensibly replied:
“How exactly am I supposed to phone you if I’ve passed out?”
A small but important flaw in the plan.
This led to what Dai believes was a perfectly reasonable suggestion.
Send the bearded dragon.
Because if anyone in that shop looks like they could calmly handle an emergency situation, it’s the lizard sitting under the heat lamp looking like a retired police inspector.
Picture the scene.
Sarah keels over.
The bearded dragon slowly lifts its head.
Pauses.
Judges everyone silently.
Then waddles across the counter like a scaly shop assistant finishing its tea break.
It taps the phone with one claw.
“Hello emergency services, yes. Human has fainted again. Could you hurry please, the fish food delivery is due at eleven.”
Meanwhile the rest of the reptiles are watching the whole thing like an episode of Animal Planet: Tonyrefail Edition.
Now jokes aside, Dai did want to say something a bit important.
A lot of people live with hidden health conditions — things like seizures, blackouts, fainting episodes and other issues that you simply can’t see just by looking at someone.
One minute everything seems perfectly normal.
Next minute the body decides to switch off like a council streetlight after midnight.
It happens.
So if you ever see someone suddenly collapse or look unwell:
• Stay calm
• Make sure they’re safe
• Offer help
• And maybe avoid suggesting they phone someone while unconscious.
Just a thought.
And while we’re here, Dai would also like to say this:
If you’ve got pets — dogs, cats, reptiles, hamsters, guinea pigs, goldfish, or something that looks like it escaped from Jurassic Park — The Pet’s Empawrium on Waunrhydd Road is exactly the sort of local shop worth supporting.
Good people. Good advice. And enough pet supplies to keep half the valley fed and watered.
Plus you get to look at a lizard judging you from across the room, which frankly is worth the visit on its own.
Sarah, keep your chin up.
Tonyrefail is behind you.
And if you ever do need someone to answer the phone during an emergency…
Dai is fairly confident that bearded dragon has been quietly training for the job for years. 🦎