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The Therapeutic Bookshelf, Jos (2026)

06/09/2026

There are difficult people, and then there are dangerous people. The difficult ones are a nuisance, they annoy you, frustrate you, and test your patience. But the dangerous ones can destroy your reputation, your career, and your peace of mind. They can turn your life upside down and leave you wondering what just hit you.

Bill Eddy, a lawyer, therapist, and mediator with decades of experience, has written the definitive guide to identifying and managing these "high-conflict personalities" (HCPs). In 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life, he identifies five specific personality types, borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, and histrionic, that are most likely to lash out in dangerous extremes of emotion and aggression.

The book is not an academic treatise. It's a practical survival guide. Eddy teaches you how to spot the warning signs of each type, manage relationships with HCPs at work and in your private life, and safely avoid or end dangerous interactions. He also shares the tools he's developed over decades of mediation: the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) for written communication, and the CARS method (Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits) for managing high-conflict situations.

What I loved most: the book's compassion. Eddy acknowledges that many HCPs are not malicious. They are suffering. Their personality disorders create distortions in thinking and behavior, and they often don't realize how they are harming others. He also includes a section for self-awareness, because sometimes, we are the high-conflict person in someone else's life. This is not a book about hating difficult people. It is a book about protecting yourself while holding onto your humanity.

Lessons from 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life:

1. High-Conflict Personalities Have Specific Patterns
Eddy identifies five personality disorders that create high-conflict behavior:
• Narcissistic: The "I'm superior, you're nothing" type, focused on status and respect.
• Borderline: The "love you, hate you" type, marked by emotional volatility and splitting people into all-good or all-bad.
• Antisocial: The "cruel con artist" type, who lacks empathy and feels entitled to exploit others.
• Paranoid: The "highly suspicious" type, who sees threats everywhere and is preoccupied with betrayal.
• Histrionic: The "dramatic, accusatory" type, who craves attention and is prone to theatrical outbursts.

2. The 90% Rule
Eddy's "90% rule" is a crucial heuristic: if someone has 90% of the traits of a high-conflict personality, treat them as if they are 100% that type. You don't need a clinical diagnosis to protect yourself. You just need to recognize the pattern and respond accordingly.

3. Don't Become a Target of Blame
HCPs need a "target of blame"—someone to hold responsible for their problems. They project their own failings onto others and attack ruthlessly. The lesson: be aware of the dynamics that can make you a target, and avoid taking the bait.

4. Use BIFF for Written Communication
When you must respond to a hostile email or letter, Eddy's BIFF method is your shield:
• Brief — Keep it short.
• Informative — Stick to facts, not emotions.
• Friendly — Don't be hostile; it escalates the conflict.
• Firm — Close the discussion clearly.

5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life is a book about survival, not cure. It doesn't promise to fix the HCPs in your life. It promises to give you the tools to protect yourself, and that's a gift worth more than gold.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4gF8oCF

06/09/2026

There are books you read. And then there are books you live.

This is the second kind.

Chiara Mercurio has written a collection of 101 reminders for anyone who has ever felt stuck, restless, or like they've lost a part of themselves. It is a book for people who are healing, reinventing themselves, or simply need to hear that they are not alone. It is a book that feels like a safe space, a place to land when the world feels heavy.

The format is simple: 101 short, powerful reflections. You can read it cover to cover, or you can open it to any page and find exactly what you needed to hear. That is the magic of this book. It is not a book to be finished, it is a book to be returned to, again and again.

5 Lessons That Stick With You:

1. Choosing yourself is not selfish.
We are taught that putting ourselves first is selfish. Mercurio reframes this: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Choosing yourself is not selfish, it is the foundation of being able to love and serve others well.

2. You are not behind.
One of the most common sources of anxiety is the feeling that we are behind, that we should be further along, that we are failing compared to others. Mercurio offers a different perspective: you are exactly where you need to be.

3. Letting go is not giving up.
We often hold on to things because we are afraid that letting go means giving up. Mercurio reminds us that letting go is not giving up, it is making space for what is meant to come.

4. You are allowed to take up space.
Many of us have learned to make ourselves small. Mercurio invites you to take up space, to speak your truth, to be seen. You are allowed to exist fully.

5. Healing is not linear.
Healing is not a straight line. There are setbacks, moments of doubt, days when you feel like you have made no progress. Mercurio validates this experience and offers compassion for the messy, nonlinear journey.

and then I chose myself is a book of gentle strength. It meets you where you are and reminds you that you are not alone. It is a book to keep on your nightstand, to return to when you need clarity, and to share with someone who needs to hear that they matter.

It won't solve all your problems overnight. But it will remind you that you have the power to choose yourself, and that choosing yourself is the beginning of everything.

Read it when you are ready to stop doubting. Read it when you need a gentle reminder that you are enough.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4x8ybrW

06/09/2026

If you are you're tired of repeating the same patterns, read these books.

06/09/2026

Do you know that feeling when the walls are closing in? When the depression feels permanent, the disappointment endless, the pain like it will never leave? You wonder if the gray skies will ever brighten, if the sun will ever shine again.

Max Lucado knows that feeling. And he has written a book to meet you there.

You'll Get Through This is a book of hope for turbulent times. Lucado traces the story of Joseph, tossed into a pit by his brothers, sold into slavery, wrongfully imprisoned, forgotten and dismissed, and shows how God used his darkest moments for a greater purpose. Joseph's story is proof that we can flourish even in a broken world.

Lucado doesn't promise that getting through trials will be quick or painless. He promises something better: that God is near you, that He has never left you, and that He will use your mess for good.

This is a book for anyone who is in the middle of a difficult season. A book for those who feel like they are in a pit and can't see a way out. A book of hope, grounded in the truth that what Satan intends for evil, God redeems for good.

5 Lessons That Stick With You:

1. God is near, even when you can't feel Him.
One of the most common experiences in suffering is the feeling of God's absence. Lucado reminds us that God is not distant, He is present, even when we cannot feel Him.

2. Your pain has a purpose.
Joseph's suffering was not meaningless. God used it for a greater purpose. Lucado encourages readers to trust that God can redeem even the most painful circumstances.

3. Community is essential.
Joseph was not alone. God placed people in his life to support him. Lucado reminds us that we need each other, and that we should lean on our communities in difficult times.

4. Hope is a choice.
When you are in the pit, hope can feel impossible. But Lucado reminds us that hope is not a feeling, it is a choice. We choose to believe that God is good, even when we cannot see what He is doing.

5. The story is not over.
Joseph's story did not end in the pit. It ended in redemption. Lucado reminds us that our story is not over either. God is still writing it.

You'll Get Through This is a warm, compassionate, and deeply hopeful book for anyone going through a difficult season. Max Lucado offers the comfort of Scripture and the wisdom of a pastor who has walked with many through their darkest days.

It won't make your pain disappear. But it will remind you that you are not alone, and that God is with you, even in the pit.

Read it when you need hope. Read it when you need to be reminded that the sun will shine again. Read it when you need to hear that you will get through this.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/46P685T

06/09/2026

You know the feeling. You stand in the grocery store aisle, paralyzed by the choice between two brands of pasta sauce. You spend forty minutes reading reviews for a $15 purchase. You replay a conversation in your head for hours, dissecting every word. You lie awake at 2 a.m., running through every possible outcome of a decision you haven't even made yet.

Overthinking is exhausting. It drains your energy, steals your joy, and keeps you stuck in a loop of anxiety and indecision. And it feels like something you can't escape, like it's just the way you're wired.

Anne Bogel, writer, podcaster, and creator of the popular blog Modern Mrs. Darcy, disagrees. She has spent years helping readers overcome the habit of overthinking, and in Don't Overthink It, she offers a practical, actionable framework for breaking free.

The book covers decisions both small (Should I buy these flowers?) and large (What am I doing with my life?). It offers strategies for making choices you'll be comfortable with, using an appropriate amount of energy, and freeing yourself to focus on the things that actually matter.

This is not a book about eliminating all doubt or becoming a spontaneous decision-maker. It is a book about learning to trust yourself, quiet the noise, and move forward with clarity and confidence.

5 Lessons That Stick With You:

1. Overthinking is not your identity.
Overthinking is a habit, not a personality trait. You are not "someone who overthinks." You are someone who has developed the habit of overthinking, and habits can be changed. This is a crucial reframe that gives you permission to stop identifying with your pattern.

2. Decision fatigue is real, protect your energy.
Every decision you make consumes mental energy. Bogel encourages you to be intentional about where you spend that energy. Small decisions don't need to consume your entire day.

3. Perfectionism is the enemy of progress.
Overthinking often masquerades as perfectionism. We believe that if we just think long enough, we'll find the perfect answer. But perfect answers rarely exist. Bogel offers practical ways to move forward even when you're not 100% certain.

4. You don't need to have all the answers.
Many of us overthink because we're afraid of being wrong. But you don't need to have everything figured out. You just need to take the next step. Bogel reframes the pressure to have all the answers, freeing you to move forward with imperfect knowledge.

5. You have to set a deadline.
Indecision often lingers because there is no urgency. Bogel encourages readers to give themselves a deadline for making a decision. Once the deadline arrives, you choose, and you don't look back.

Don't Overthink It is a warm, practical, and deeply compassionate guide to breaking free from the cycle of overthinking. Anne Bogel offers actionable strategies for making decisions with less anxiety and more confidence, freeing you to focus on what actually matters.

It won't eliminate all doubt from your life. But it will give you the tools to stop letting doubt run your life.

Read it if you are tired of being stuck in your own head. Read it if you are ready to make decisions with more peace and less regret.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4gSHqWW

06/09/2026

If you love, you will grieve. This is not a misfortune, it is the price of being human. And yet, we are terrible at grief. We rush it. We medicate it. We tell ourselves and others to "move on" and "find closure." We treat grief as a problem to be solved rather than a process to be lived.

Dr. Joanne Cacciatore knows better. She is a bereavement educator, researcher, Zen priest, and leading counselor in the field of grief. She has spent decades supporting individuals, families, and communities through their most devastating losses, and she has experienced profound loss herself.

Bearing the Unbearable is not a book about "getting over" grief. It is a book about learning to bear it. Organized into fifty-two short chapters, one for each week of the year, it is a companion for the hardest journey any of us will ever take. It offers no quick fixes, no platitudes, no pressure to "feel better." Instead, it offers presence, compassion, and the quiet assurance that you are not alone.

This is a book that understands grief is not linear, not neat, and not something you can schedule. It is wild and unpredictable, and it lasts longer than anyone tells you it should. Cacciatore creates a space to process, integrate, and deeply honor our grief—on our own terms, in our own time.

5 Lessons That Stick With You:

1. Grief is not a problem to be solved.
We live in a culture that treats grief as something to be fixed, managed, or overcome. Cacciatore pushes back: grief is not a diagnosis. It is a response to love. It does not need to be "resolved." It needs to be honored.

2. There is no timeline for grief.
The bereaved are often told that they should be "over it" by a certain point. Cacciatore dismantles this myth. Grief takes as long as it takes. There is no right way, no right time.

3. You can hold grief and joy at the same time.
One of the most profound insights of the book: grief and love are not opposites. They are two sides of the same coin. You can grieve deeply and still find moments of joy. The one does not negate the other.

4. Presence is the greatest gift you can offer.
We often don't know what to say to someone who is grieving. Cacciatore teaches us that we don't need to say anything. What matters is showing up. Being present. Sitting in the silence.

5. Grief can open you to deeper connection.
This is the book's most hopeful insight: grief, when fully felt, can crack us open. It can make us more compassionate, more present, more deeply connected to others. It is not just something to survive. It can be something that transforms us.

Bearing the Unbearable is one of the most compassionate, wise, and deeply human books on grief I have ever read. Joanne Cacciatore writes with the authority of a scholar and the heart of someone who has been to the depths and found her way back.

It will not make your grief disappear. But it will help you bear it, and in bearing it, find a way to live with the love that remains.

Read it when you are grieving. Read it when you are supporting someone who is grieving. Read it when you need to be reminded that even the unbearable can be borne, one day, one moment, one breath at a time.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4qUWTdX

05/09/2026

Books that will teach you to set boundaries without feeling guilty

05/09/2026

Mary Southerland had it all. A thriving ministry. A husband leading a growing church. Two children who were the joy of her life. She was the person others looked to for strength and encouragement, the one holding it all together.

Then clinical depression brought her world crashing down.

This is not a book written by someone who has only observed depression from the outside. It is a book written by someone who has been through the darkness and found her way back. Southerland recounts her difficult journey with honesty and vulnerability, offering readers biblical advice and encouraging words to help them understand what depression is and isn't, experience right and godly thinking, and know that life beyond the pain exists.

Formerly titled Coming Out of the Dark, this book is a source of light for anyone who struggles with depression, knows someone who does, or needs encouragement.
5 Lessons That Stick With You:

1. Depression is not a spiritual failure.
One of the most damaging misconceptions about depression is that it reflects a lack of faith. Southerland dismantles this lie. Depression is an illness, not a moral failing. God's grace is sufficient, even in the darkness.

2. You are not alone.
Depression isolates us. It tells us that no one understands, no one cares, and no one can help. Southerland reminds us that this is a lie. There are others who have walked this path, and there is help available.

3. Your thoughts matter.
The battle against depression is fought in the mind. Southerland emphasizes the importance of renewing our minds with God's truth. This is not denial, it is choosing to believe what is true even when our feelings say otherwise.

4. Community is essential.
We are not meant to walk through depression alone. Southerland encourages readers to reach out for help, to trusted friends, family, or a counselor. Isolation only deepens the darkness.

5. Hope is real.
Even when you cannot feel it, hope is there. Southerland's story is a testament to the power of God's healing. Life beyond depression is possible.

Hope in the Midst of Depression is a warm, honest, and deeply encouraging book for anyone who is struggling to find light in the darkness. Mary Southerland writes with the authority of someone who has been there and the compassion of someone who genuinely cares.

It won't eliminate your depression overnight. But it will remind you that hope is real, and that you are not alone.

Read it when you need a reminder that there is light beyond the darkness. Read it when you need to know that God's grace is sufficient, even in the midst of depression.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/3SU0RH5

05/09/2026

Nothing terrible had happened to me. No abuse, no tragedy, no single event I could point to and say "that's what broke me." And yet I was exhausted, anxious, and disconnected from myself.

You know the feeling. Someone asks how you're really doing, and you don't have an answer. You're not in crisis. Nothing catastrophic has happened. But something is off. You're tired in a way that sleep doesn't fix. You're anxious but can't name the cause. You're functioning, highly, even, but nothing feels quite right.

Dr. Meg Arroll has a name for this: Tiny T trauma. Not the capital-T traumas we all recognize, abuse, violence, natural disasters, major loss. Those are devastating, and they deserve attention. But there's another category of wound: the small, everyday experiences that accumulate over time and leave us feeling fractured, exhausted, and disconnected.

Microaggressions. Challenging family dynamics. Toxic positivity. Work stress. Gaslighting. The constant background hum of a world that feels unstable. These are tiny traumas, small enough to ignore, but persistent enough to shape who we become.

The book offers a framework for recognizing these wounds and healing from them. Dr. Meg introduces her three-step AAA approach: Awareness (discovering your unique constellation of tiny traumas), Acceptance (seeing how they show up in your life and starting to process them), and Action (taking steps to actively create the life you desire).

This is a book for people who aren't in crisis but know something is wrong. For people who have tried everything and still feel stuck. For people who have been told they're "too sensitive" or "overthinking it." You're not. You're carrying something real.

5 Lessons That Stick With You:

1. Tiny traumas are not "less than."
We tend to dismiss small wounds because they don't seem as dramatic as major trauma. But cumulative damage is still damage. Dr. Meg argues that tiny traumas can be just as impactful as big ones, especially when they're ignored for years.

2. Toxic positivity is a form of harm.
We've been told to "look on the bright side" and "just be positive." But this kind of forced optimism can be damaging. It tells us that our negative emotions are not welcome, not valid. The book challenges this and offers a more honest, compassionate way of being with yourself.

3. Your body knows what your mind denies.
Tiny traumas often show up in physical symptoms: chronic tension, digestive issues, insomnia, fatigue. The body holds what the mind tries to push away. Healing requires listening to your body as well as your thoughts.

4. High-functioning anxiety is still anxiety.
Many people with tiny traumas appear to have it all together. They're successful, capable, and accomplished. But underneath, they're running on fumes. Dr. Meg validates this experience and offers tools for addressing the anxiety that hides behind competence.

5. Healing is not about erasing the past, it's about changing your relationship to it.
The goal is not to pretend the wounds don't exist. It's to see them clearly, accept them, and then make intentional choices about how to move forward. You can't undo what happened. But you can stop being ruled by it.

Tiny Traumas is a compassionate, accessible, and deeply validating book for anyone who has ever felt like something is wrong but couldn't quite put their finger on it. Dr. Meg Arroll offers a clear framework for recognizing and healing from the small but persistent wounds that shape our lives.

It won't eliminate your struggles overnight. But it will give you a language for what you're experiencing, and a path toward the peace you've been longing for.

Read it if you're ready to stop dismissing your own pain. Read it if you're ready to name what's been weighing you down. And keep a journal nearby, you'll want to do the exercises.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4gEdOhd

Enjoy the audio book with FREE trial using the link above. Use the link to register on audible and start enjoying!

05/09/2026

Far From the Tree is a monumental work of empathy, journalism, and humanity. Andrew Solomon spent ten years interviewing over three hundred families, exploring the relationship between parents and children who are fundamentally different from them, children with disabilities, extraordinary talents, or identities that set them apart from their families and often from society at large. It is a book about "horizontal identity": traits that are not passed down from parent to child but are discovered as the child grows, creating a bridge to a community of others who share that identity .

The book covers deafness, dwarfism, Down syndrome, autism, schizophrenia, multiple severe disabilities, prodigies, children conceived in r**e, children who become criminals, and transgender children . Each chapter explores a different condition or experience, told through the stories of families who have navigated these challenges. The chapters are also intertwined with Solomon's personal experience: he is gay, dyslexic, and was raised in a family that struggled to understand him. This gives the book an intimate, personal dimension even as it tackles vast and complex subjects.

The central question Solomon asks is one that every parent faces: to what extent should parents accept their children for who they are, and to what extent should they help them become their best selves? The book does not offer easy answers. Instead, it offers stories, heartbreaking, inspiring, and deeply human.

5 Lessons That Stay With You:

1. Difference is universal.
Solomon's central insight is that being exceptional is not rare, it is part of being human. We all carry identities that set us apart, that challenge our families, that connect us to communities of people who share our experience. The question is not whether we are different, but how we live with that difference.

2. Identity has two dimensions.
Solomon distinguishes between vertical identity, traits passed from parent to child (race, ethnicity, language), and horizontal identity, traits not shared with parents but discovered in the child (disability, giftedness, sexuality). Horizontal identities create bridges to communities outside the family, and the work of parenting is often about learning to respect those bridges.

3. Love is not always easy.
The families in this book love their children deeply. But love does not erase the challenges. It does not make the sleepless nights easier, the medical appointments less overwhelming, or the grief for a lost future less painful. The book is honest about the difficulties of parenting exceptional children. Love is not a solution, it's a commitment.

4. Grief and acceptance can coexist.
Many parents in the book grieve the children they thought they would have, even as they love the children they have. The two emotions are not mutually exclusive. You can mourn what you lost and celebrate what you found at the same time.

5. The greatest gift you can give your child is to see them clearly.
Throughout the book, the families who thrive are the ones who learn to see their children for who they truly are, not for who they expected them to be. This is the work of parenting: to let go of your projections and embrace the child in front of you.

Far From the Tree is not a book you read, it's a book you live in. It will break your heart and expand your mind. It will make you a better parent, a better child, a better human being. Andrew Solomon has written a masterpiece that deserves its place among the best books of the century.

Read it when you're ready to be changed. Read it when you want to understand what it means to love someone who is different from you.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/4ygGjr9

The Therapeutic Bookshelf

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