03/03/2023
We promised we'd lit the lanterns at the end of every year but I stopped when I couldn't feel his heart beat anymore. It stopped even before I got a chance to say our favorite three words.
Life without Karl has been lonely, unfair, plain and the memories taunts me still. In my dreams, in my head, in my heart, I couldn't let anyone in after him.
I watched the fireworks and when the sparks aligned I saw his face again, I felt him smile. Deep down in my heart, I knew he was happy wherever he was but what about me? How could he be so selfish? Why didn't he take me with him?
Christmas was no merry time for me, it was the same day I lost him to his friends ugly chat and it drove him to that terrible car accident, if only I was there. The regrets hurts, "if" is the word I'd never use again because if I wasn't so hard on him, he would still be here watching the fireworks with me in his arms. So sad, I sighed.
I love him and always will, no one knows that not even my Ma. It's been three years but the feelings were evergreen, undying, ageless, timeless, true. I looked at my phone again and I cried.
Look at me! Crying on the beach! so pathetic, they must think. I reached out for a hand and someone pulled me up. I looked around but it was just a guy who had a hat on and a heart filled with pity for me. Now I see why my mum worried, I am running mad or maybe he was driving me insane and sanely I was heading to my grave.
I tried madness, I ran off the beach like I was being chased, I giggled because I could hear him call my name, car honks, music and a pen scribbling on paper, sounds I remember. The calls grew and amidst the jingling bells and carols I could hear him call for me across the street. So, I ran to him.