16/05/2024
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𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗙𝗶𝗮𝘀𝗰𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗣𝗶𝗰𝗸𝗽𝗼𝗰𝗸𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲
Attention, sleep-deprived, caffeine-fueled IITians! Buckle up because finals week just got replaced by a bureaucratic blunder of epic proportions.
Remember that pre-finals dread that combines Kierkegaard’s angst with a three-day coding bender’s withdrawal? Well, multiply that by ‘utter bewilderment’ thanks to the arrival of a certain, shall we say, a politically-challenged individual we’ll call 𝘗𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦.
That’s right. Finals? 𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗱. Research defenses? 𝗣𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗱. World-changing demos? Put on hold until 𝘗𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦 decides to grace us with his… presence? We’re not sure what relevance his presence holds, but apparently, it is disruptive enough to peeve our cusp of academic laurel. Such a sore eye for being a living embodiment of privilege and entitlement at the highest seat.
Remember the brutal heatwave that turned our brains to mush faster than a poorly coded program? Classes marched on. Remember the legendary PALAKASAN sweepstakes? We reveled like there was no tomorrow (because, let’s face it, finals week felt pretty close), and guess what? 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀. 𝗦𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹. 𝗛𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗱.
But 𝘗𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦? Oh, 𝘗𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦 gets the royal treatment. Classes suspended, schedules thrown into chaos, all because a not-so-relevant, diploma-questionable individual decides to visit. What in the name of meticulously researched archives is going on?! Security concerns? We get it. But come on, this red-clad nuisance of a vlogger isn’t exactly the Einstein of political figures.
Didn’t the 𝘋𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘗𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘢𝘯, with its “Influencing the Future” mantra, learn anything from the mock elections? This guy clearly didn’t win for a reason, and that reason is probably still busy texting his ghostwriters.
𝗩𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲? Laughably illogical. The Anahaw Amphitheater sits there, collecting dust, perfectly capable of holding a crowd in broad daylight and with proper scheduling (buffered with tents)—these are concepts, people! I mean, why do things the safe and sensible way when we can get a 2 am red-tinged spectacle outside the gates, with everyone in chagrin looking like they just stumbled out of a ketchup factory. But hey, we gotta disrupt the entire campus because apparently, 𝘗𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦 needs the 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 of a research university. It’s like inviting a raccoon to a quantum physics lecture—sure, he might be impressed by the shiny equipment, but ultimately, it is a terrible fit.
The announcement itself was delivered with the 𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗵𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗮𝘀𝗺 𝗼𝗳 𝗮 𝘀𝗼𝗴𝗴𝘆 𝗹𝘂𝗺𝗽𝗶𝗮—feeling like a mousy whisper in a hurricane. Is the prestige of Dakilang Pamantasan shamefaced? They should be! Why is this individual visiting universities anyway? Looking for a taste of college life, perhaps? Couldn’t afford them the honest way, maybe? Dropped out because of “financial privileges” and a healthy dose of fabrication? The plot thickens… and stinks.
So here’s to you, 𝘗𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦: the party pooper who stole not just the undeserved attention, but a precious week of academic progress. May your visit be as disruptive as your policies (which, frankly, nobody can understand).
I mean look, college is supposed to be about learning, pushing boundaries, and maybe even a decent campus visit from someone who isn’t living proof of Wikipedia’s edit button gone rogue. This is like inviting a notorious history eraser to give a lecture on the importance of historical accuracy! What’s the deal, Dakilang Pamantasan? Influencing the future by letting a walking historical inaccuracy roam the halls?
The IITians spoke volumes in the 2022 mock election, and their message remains clear: 𝗪𝗘 𝗦𝗘𝗘 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗢𝗨𝗚𝗛 𝗬𝗢𝗨. This visit is a slap in the face—a reminder that some things never change. Your brand of ‘influence’ is and has never been welcome in the halls of academia. You may be president, but on our turf, you're about as welcome as a bad case of food poisoning during finals week.
𝗜𝗜𝗧𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘀, 𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝗮 𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝘄 (because sleep is a luxury we can no longer afford) 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗱𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹—𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹. Let this 𝘗𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦’𝘴 visit be a cautionary tale, a hilarious reminder of the clowns we refuse to let influence our future!
And to 𝘗𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘱𝘰𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦, a friendly word of advice: stick to attending concerts, because clearly, universities aren’t your forte.
🖋️ Bruce Wayne
🎨 Junjin
