07/10/2026
INSIDE AN INTROVERT TEACHER’S MIND
I hate this. I want to quit. I despise this system. I don’t like how they are treating us. I’ve already seen enough. Teachers are being blamed but learners are not being taught accountability. Deadlines are set but reports are expected to be given ASAP. Work load seems to be difficult for one but easy for another. Many parents seem not to care about their children but expect good grades. Finally, many of these kids seem to be entitled about everything, expecting to pass yet doing less than expected. Where will I go after this? Do I have the guts to go abroad? Maybe I can apply for a teacher or teacher assistant position in Japan or Taiwan. Will I be qualified? I still have a loan though. Maybe I’ll wait until it is finished, prepare for the requirements and learn what I can for the meantime. Yes, that’s it. I’ll keep it a secret for now.
Breaking Point (2024). Yes. This was me two years ago as of this writing. Raw were these words from my perspective that they were already reflecting my actions. I couldn’t care for learners more than how I used to a few years back. I couldn’t bond with my new advisory class in Senior High the way I poured my heart out for the first ones I handled. I treated class as merely work that starts at 7:40AM and ends at 4:30PM. It was another dark age for me.
The Optimistic Recall (2017-2018). Yet, once upon a time, I was a fresh BSED Math Cum Laude graduate from Saint Louis University who also happened to be Top 5 of the September 2017 LET, by God’s grace. As a new employee of Atok National High School during the 3rd Quarter SY 2017-2018, thanks to the RA 7687 DOST Scholarship, it was a new and exciting moment for me. I will be living alone as a young adult and working in a remote area, away from the busy and noisy life of the city. It was even after 3 months that I thought of going home during the weekend, not knowing my mom and sisters had to adjust from my absence.
The Dark Past Recall (2015-2016). But staying in the city would have reminded me of negative experiences I had back in my senior year in college. Particularly, our observation days in the laboratory school had me dealing with suicidal thoughts due to conflict with our cooperating teacher. I admit that I was mentally weak to handle pressure whenever she looks at us with her tiger eyes, reprimands us daily without hearing our side, gives us very low scores and assumes things from her perspective. It did not help that I was diagnosed as well with epilepsy in my first year of college, just when I was excelling academically, ranking first in the Dean’s list that time. Self-frustration, self-disappointment, self-blaming, and paranoia became buddies, staying 24/7. The opposite happened with my memory: I became more forgetful that my grades declined, even to the point where I got a grade of 75 on one subject and INC on another. I wasn’t achieving anymore; just surviving to pass and graduate. I also became physically weak due to multiple seizure attacks, awaking either in the school clinic, hospital, or home afterwards. It was my first era of dark ages that I don’t usually talk about.
The Firsts of Being a DepEd Employee (2018-2019). Being employed in a provincial area, however, was like a Renaissance period for me. As a new DepEd teacher, I was thrilled to participate in every activity: being a co-emcee for Valentine’s Day Program, attending seminars even during summer time while being amazed by the free lodging and meals 😉, eventually doing speakership in the school and district level, taking up NCII in Bread and Pastry Production for additional record in my PDS, teaching ESP subject even if it is not my specialization, learning a new sport (I wasn’t sporty ever since – Scrabble was my childhood game), and coaching Damath and volleyball players, staying after class to practice with them.
As a new class adviser, I didn’t mind decorating our classroom for extended periods, even staying until midnight on one occasion. I also enjoyed the company of sweet and innocent learners, almost always documenting moments that even now I can see these pictures/video clips in my Google photos account. Like every other school, there will always be learners who will post a challenge. But with the new positivity I had, I conducted home visits, chased for escaping learners and tried to balance potential bullying cases within my class usually by talking to them personally and listening actively.
Staying at Atok NHS as my first assignment was special and memorable even if it is located some kilometers away from the highway. The weather is very unusual there, where fog is a normal occurrence, and regular rains pour like Signal No. 2. Many times, we have experienced road blockages due to landslides and soil erosion, and we had to walk alternate routes either going to or out of school. When I was able to have my own motorcycle service, many times I found myself literally pushing it for life. Despite this, my experience there was humbling as I lived alongside simple, humble and wonderful people, may it be learners, parents, or colleagues.
Worldwide Change (2020-2021). Pandemic, I believe, was a wake-up call for all of us. Life on earth is temporary, and anything you were clinging on to can vanish at any time. In the education field, it was a time we had to be flexible, creative, and even more patient. I attempted to write a short message/letter to my learners using the answer sheets attached to their modules to help ease whatever mental battles they were facing. However, I myself couldn’t sustain it. I eventually just printed modules, checked answer sheets, and recorded scores. With my colleagues, we still participated in Kamustahan sessions conducted by our school in different sitios.
From Cool to Warm (2021-2022). I came to Tuba NHS through a teacher working there who asked me if I wanted us to switch workplaces. She is about to settle down with her husband in Atok and is an alumna of Atok NHS. I considered the opportunity since it is easier to go home from Nangalisan to Upper San Carlos Heights than from Poblacion, Atok. At the same time, I couldn’t afford during that moment to witness the time when the first batch I handled as Grade 7 class adviser would graduate without a certain learner. I became his class adviser again in Grade 9 but due to an illness, he went into a coma and died. I wasn’t able to visit him at the hospital; just at his funeral. He became like a friend, always available and supportive in advisory duties, assisting in discipline and classroom responsibilities. He was one of the Damath players I coached and played with, enthusiastic even to initiate practice even if the competition is still far. I felt bad for the other learners I would be leaving, but it was my time to go and take another opportunity.
From 7 to 10 (2022-2023). Working in another community demanded adjustment. Going to work required daily travel from La Trinidad (where I started renting) to Nangalisan for one year until I found an apartment nearby school. From handling Grade 7 advisory classes, I was assigned to Grade 10 learners so my approach to learners had to adjust as well. From teaching Math 7, 9 and 11 in Atok NHS, I also had to review Math 10 and ESP 7 like a student teacher. Still, I adjusted well because of the considerate and encouraging leaders and colleagues I was with.
From Junior to Senior (2023-2024). For two school years, just when I was accustomed to teaching Math 10, I was transferred in the Senior High School department due to the movement of some teachers to a nearby school which was starting to be an Integrated School. A set of new and familiar subjects awaited: General Mathematics, Statistics and Probability, Business Math, Practical Research 1, and Practical Research 2. I cannot say the learners have maximized learning but it was the best I could give when I studied those subjects myself before teaching.
Coaching the Unfamiliar (2024). An opportunity came to serve as coach for regular swimmers and a paraswimmer when our colleague had to focus on officiating. It was not smooth sailing though as I heard one swimmer say “pasali lang suna ditoy” when I was about to take over. I kept quiet without him knowing I had heard it. It was partly true: what can I possibly teach them? Fortunately, I was given the chance to attend both a division and regional training on coaching and officiating, knowing the basics of the sports and how tournaments are being held.
I focused on paraswimming for the next school year, thinking the burden from handling the big number of regular swimmers would be gone. However, the challenge just shifted. I cannot reason out with the paraswimmer the way I talked with a regular swimmer. Oftentimes I found myself arguing with him, and at times pleading with him to train.
The Group that Posted Challenge (2024-2025). To add, I was assigned to a Senior High advisory class with an unusually large number of boys (37) and a small number of girls (8). Even other subject teachers confirm being challenged as the frequent need to quiet their noise, reprimand their playfulness, and remind them of their sarcastic remarks arose everyday. I gradually became cold and distant. I didn’t see learners needing care, affirmation, and guidance anymore but enemies meant to be fought and defeated. So, coaching sports also meant not seeing these people for a while during some time of the school year. I let these challenges pile up to the point I was mentally burned out and I can say even spiritually drained that time.
Back to God. I was alone in the apartment eating and scrolling TikTok when a content creator I followed reminded me of a biblical passage about my situation: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”
Colossians 3:22-23 ESV
It reminded me that even in this profession, I am not only working for myself and to please other people but for a Creator and God who loves, cares, and has done so much for me. I realized I had to go back and be made right with God before the rest follows. Going back to church, being involved in an accountability group and having fellowship with family, made me also see God as Father. Growing up, I couldn’t actually relate to most people being guided, disciplined and loved by an earthly father for he was killed before I was born. Nevertheless, I am now able to continually surrender it to God and confident that I too have a Father in Heaven.
When Opportunities Arise. I was given the chance to be part of our EPS-Math Jardson Onio’s Project PSALM (Play, Solve, Access to Love Math) by making some Math 11 learning activity sheets. Together with other learning resources, they can be accessed and downloaded online, especially by Benguet Math Teachers during suspension of face-to-face classes, remedial and intervention classes, Rapid Math Assessment, and similar purposes. I can’t believe I can be excited again to join seminars and do outputs like a newly hired teacher. Because of this experience, I later crafted simplified learning activity sheets for personal use for Math 7 learners who are struggling. Even if I only finished until Geometry competencies of quarter 1, I can see the heart and concern for learners coming back. “And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36: 26 ESV
Back to Junior High. During SY 2025-2026, I was blessed to be granted my request to go back to teaching Junior High School. I believe it was God’s timing that a Math teacher was also promoted to the SHS Department. It was also my first time ever since 2018 to rest in handling an advisory class. Even if it meant handling additional MAPEH teaching load aside from Math 7 and taking RMA and ADM Coordinatorships, I was glad to be back.
When Perspective Widens. Taking on additional roles, whether coaching, coordinatorship or unfamiliar subjects made me realize many things. There are many things that school leaders consider especially in making important decisions. It might go the way I want, and I can respectfully voice out my opinion, but it shouldn’t stop me from obeying them and supporting school activities. When joining activities outside school, I am not only representing myself, but also our school, school head, district, and ultimately, God. It makes me want to be active again and curious about learning when joining seminars/training. Coaching now also meant extending patience, looking for the welfare of the athlete, and doing strategic disciplining instead of arguing and constant temper. Accountability in teaching also means apologizing to learners for mistakes and being an example that they can follow.
Back to Grade 7. Resting in having an advisory class was very helpful. It made me miss handling learners as an adviser, not because of what they can give me, but of how I can guide them now. This school year, I am back taking Grade 7 learners as an advisory class, willing and happy to decorate the room once again. In my previous school assignment, I saw my Grade 7 advisory class as my younger brothers and sisters. Now, I see them as my children.
The First Core Value. In the past, I could separate my spiritual life with my professional life. Now I can say that I cannot really separate how I respond to things from how I am spiritually fed. DepEd’s first core value is Maka-Diyos, emphasizing the need of spiritual teaching. Different school incidents around the country already prove how we all really need it.
Intimate Group. As teachers, I believe we also need spiritual feeding and be involved in a group where we could reflect God’s words. During the third week of June, I remember a memorable event after dismissal when we were waiting for the heavy rain to stop. I asked two colleagues (who are also friends) for us to talk about God and our lives, and gladly they agreed without any hesitation. We read a certain scripture for the day from a book, answered questions and shared reflections with one another, and prayed together. When we finished praying, we believed it was God’s timing as the rain stopped as well. Now, we are doing our small fellowship during lunch time in order to be reminded of God’s words, and pray not only for our own strength, patience and endurance in the afternoon classes, but also for our learners, leaders, and even people we find difficult to deal with. Later, we scheduled a separate day once a week after dismissal for us to meet and have fellowship for a longer period of time. It lets us reflect on our week, dwell on God’s words, listen, pray and be accountable for one another.
In Conclusion. My story, I believe, is not the kind where one would be amazed by the character. It doesn’t seem extraordinary. I don’t have the “wow” factor as a teacher. I haven’t made big projects or achievements in DepEd. But I also believe it is not finished yet. I still deal with imperfections, of my own temperament, selfishness, idleness, inconsistencies, imbalance, mental struggle, and spiritual battle. But beyond that, I have faith that Someone is guiding and protecting me to be the teacher He wants me to be. For now, I just thank Him for working in a school where the leaders are compassionate, understanding, and allows one to grow and colleagues who are supportive, affectionate, and good listeners. I don’t have to go abroad after all, because I am exactly where I need to be.
//Fidel Baucas Waglison Jr.
