07/14/2018
Around this time of year state test results tend to come out. Here are 3 tips to praise your child effectively:
1. Keep it CHILD CENTERED. Habit has us saying “I’m so proud of you” or “We’re so proud of you”. This praise is now about YOU and how YOU feel. If you want your CHILD to feel proud ask him/her, “How do you feel?” Or you can state, “You really worked hard, completed your work, and put in your best effort. You should feel proud!” Either way - the focus is on the child feeling proud, not the parent.
2. Celebrate THE PROCESS. Whether your child scored “well” or not is not the most important thing. Focus on the facts of growth, effort, accomplishments throughout the year, and attitude toward perseverance.
3. If your child is discouraged over the results DISCUSS TRUTHS: effort input, ONE score does not define us and neither do tests (we are defined by our beliefs and character), struggles grow us, goals can help us, everyone’s story is unique - keep writing your story, if you didn’t master something this year it just means you haven’t mastered it YET.
Effective praise is NOT about saying “Great job!” “Great score!” (Whether it is or isn’t) “Good for you”. And it’s not about making a kiddo feel bad for lack of effort in hopes that motivates him/her. Effective praise focuses on the CHILD through stating the facts and getting them to internalize the value effort.
