Clairepow

05/07/2015

There are certain things that, once said, can just never be taken back. These aren't momentary "oops" statements (in which you say something dumb and hurtful without meaning to cause harm), but nasty, negative things (even if they are true) that you know are going to cause your friend hurt or heartache.
You may, for example, tell your friend's secret in front of a group, expose a confidence that will embarrass your friend, or confirm her biggest fears in life. As a friend, you know the hot buttons in your friend's life, and should do all you can to avoid setting them off.
Only You Know What Will Hurt Or Offend Your Friend
Once you say something like this, you can't just say "I was kidding" or "I didn't really mean it." Your friend will know better. You also can't turn it around and try and accuse your friend of taking it the wrong way.
You know the things that will set your friend off, and when you bring them up you need to take responsibility for trying to cause emotional pain for your friend. Perhaps there is a reason you feel the need to do this. Maybe you are angry at them for something or feel that they have been careless in the way they've treated you. But saying something to offend them will never get them to be a caring friend to you.
Apologize, and Make It a Good One
A sincere apology is key to getting beyond a verbal faux pas. You can't pretend that you didn't know your friend was going to be offended at what you said or that you hadn't meant it negatively. A good apology can help you both to hash out the problems that get beyond whatever is holding you back from being sincere, connected friends.
Before you apologize, take a deep breath. Give it a few moments, so you apologize from the heart and don't simply react to what's happening between you and your friend.
Don't Make Excuses
The one place friends usually mess up when it comes to moving forward after saying the wrong thing is after the apology. They might take responsibility and provide a sincere apology and then follow it up with an excuse, like:

"Well, you know what I said was true."
"I was just mad, I didn't really mean it."
"You've said things like that to me."
"I didn't realize you were going to get so upset about it."
Don't sully your apology with an excuse. If your friend won't accept the apology, then you have to work through things until that can happen.
Give Your Friend Some Time to Process Their Reaction
Sometimes a friend will react immediately when you say something wrong, and other times it takes a bit. Everyone is different. Never expect your friend to just "get over it" as quickly as you think you would have if the situation were reversed. Everyone is different. Introverts, especially, may need some time just to think about what's happened before they truly know how they feel about it.
You might instantly realize you said something wrong and apologize, only to have your friend nod in agreement. You might then think it's over, but perhaps it really isn't. Give your friend some time to process everything, from what was said to your apology and any discussion that might have happened after that.
But not too much time! If your friend begins to pull away from you, make an effort to put things right.
Accept That Your Friendship May Change Permanently
It'd be nice if we could always mend our friendships, but there are some things that once said, do irreparable harm to the relationship. If this is the case, your friend may decide not to continue with the friendship, or keep you at arm's length.
Accept that at the very least, your friend might need to build up trust with you again. Perhaps they will be more guarded for a while and not share their secrets or true feelings about certain things until they're sure you won't throw it back at them again at some point.
It can be frustrating when you are sorry for something you did and yet your friend still can't forgive you. Or even when they forgive but they can't totally forget what went on. But give it time, and continue to show your friend that you value their friendship and want to treat them with respect.

05/06/2015

Most tree fruits start to signal their ripeness with a sweet scent in the air. But it’s very hard to gauge the exact moment of peak ripeness. Times will vary year by year and different varieties will come in at different times. Here are a few signs to watch for, but the best way to tell if fruit is ready to pick is to sample a few.
Apples - You’ve probably heard that ripening apples give of ethylene gas. Ethylene is a hormone and one of its effects is to cause the separation of the stem from the tree, causing the apples to fall. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case and it’s not the best test for ripeness.
However many apple varieties are ready when you can easily pull them from the tree. Don’t yank. Hold gently and give them a slight twist.
Another way to tell is by looking at the seeds. In many, but not all varieties, the seeds will turn dark brown when the apple is ripe.
I still maintain that the best test is to bite into an apple. It should be juicy and sweet. Too starchy and tart means it’s under ripe. Pithy or mealy means it’s over ripe. They won’t all ripen at once, so keep testing.

Growing and Caring for Apple Trees
Pruning an overgrown apple tree
Pears - Pears should be harvested when they are just starting to change color from dark green to a tinge of yellow. At this point, the fruits will still be hard, but should easily pull away from the tree. Then give them a few days to a few weeks to continue ripening off the tree. You’ll know they’re ready to eat when the stem end gets soft to the touch.
Allowing pears to fully ripen on the tree will give you pears with a gritty texture that will quickly go to mush.

Growing Pear Trees
Stone Fruits - For fresh eating, allow them to fully ripen on the tree. Most will not continue ripening or sweetening post harvest. You’ve probably had some flavorless, limpid peaches or cherries from the grocery store that were picked immature and allowed to soften in shipping.
If you plan to can or freeze the fruits, pick them a little on the firm side. They will soften more with processing and you will probably be adding sugar to compensate for any loss of natural sweetening.
Stone fruits are ripe when they look fully colored and the flesh has started to soften slightly to the touch. The only true test though, is to bite into one. Or two. Stone fruits don’t store well, so enjoy them while you can.

Cherry Tree Tips
Citrus Fruits and Grapes - These fruits stop ripening when the are picked. For juicy, sweet flavor, they need to be completely ripe before harvesting and ripening can take months. It’s hard to tell ripeness by touch and once again, the best test is to try one or two.
Citrus does not separate from the tree easily and I’d recommend cutting them, rather than pulling.

How to Grow Meyer Lemons
General Harvesting Tips

Use caution when eating fruit that has fallen from the tree. Fruits often, though not always, drop from trees because they are infested.

Be gentle. Don’t tug and tear the stem off of soft fruits like strawberries, cherries and even tomatoes. You will wind up injuring the stem end, which is an invitation for rot.

Don’t toss fruits into your basket or container and don’t pile them so high they crush the fruits on the bottom. To prevent messy staining from the juice running out of your container, line it with a couple of layers of paper towels, before harvesting.

Don’t leave any fruit on the tree or on the ground, if you want to cut down on the chance that disease and pests will overwinter nearby.

Keep your harvest out of direct sunlight. The sun and heat makes the fruits softer and can lead to spoilage.

Freshly harvested fruits should be stored at room temperature, for the best flavor. But if you’re like me, you’ll trade a little flavor for an icy cold, juicy fruit.
Read more on:

No Fruit on Fruit Trees
What Causes June Drop?

05/05/2015

"What You Didn't See" is a Christian poem submitted by an About.com member. The writer walks back though her life, unveiling God's secret actions.
What You Didn't See
When I was five years oldMy grandfather died He was my favorite person I wanted to run and hide
Then my parents got divorced 1988 was the year I didn't understand it That was the first time I felt fear
A couple years then passed They both decided to re-marry I then had two step-parents And that was kind of scary
It seemed we all were happy After everything settled down I really didn't want to But we moved out of town
I started a new school And adjusted right away I made lots of friends And my fear began to fade
Then one Wednesday morning On a cold day in NovemberTragedy struck my school A day I'll always remember
He walked into my school And shot two teachers and my friend It changed our lives forever The fear crept in again
At first I was in shock Just trying to get by The next thing I knew I was getting high
I found relief for a moment I thought I'd found the answer Then we got the news My baby brother had brain cancer
I didn't know what to do I just broke down and cried In the chapel of the hospitalScreaming at God, "Why?!"
"God, isn't it enough To lose my best friend For my parents to split up When will it ever end?!"
So I became very angry I just wanted to be numb I didn't want to hurt anymore I threw my hands up and said, "I'm done!"
My brother went through treatment And did really well He went into remission But my life was going to hell
I was going to be a mom So I finally got clean I thought I was done forever But that was just a dream
Soon after I had my son The darkness fell again The doctors prescribed me pills And they became my best friend
It just got worse and worse I became empty inside Screaming, "God, where are you?!" And still got no reply
Then one day I looked at my son And cried and hung my head I knew at that moment One day he'd find me dead
So, I reached over to the table And picked up my phone I finally realized I couldn't do it on my own
So I went to get help And get my life back on track Then we found out My brother's cancer was back
We all were really shocked It hurt me to my core But I stayed determined Not to get high anymore
Two years and two months later And God just spoke to me He said, "Listen to Me, child This is what you didn't see..."
"I know that it hurt you When your father left your mother But had that not happened You wouldn't have your little brother..."
"And when the school shooting happened I was holding your hand I had My reasons for allowing it But some things you just can't understand..."
"And your brother's fight with cancer I know has caused you great pain But I need soldiers like him To bring glory to My name ..."
"And I know it has been hard on you Battling addiction But I allowed you that battle To help others with that affliction..."
"Child, I know you've been through a lot But what you didn't see Is all the pain and every battle Led you straight to Me"
--Submitted by About.com member, April Grisham
Do you have an original Christian prayer that would encourage or benefit a fellow believer? Perhaps you've written a unique poem you'd like to share with others. We are looking for Christian prayers and poems to encourage our readers in their communication with God. To submit your original prayer or poem now, please fill out this Submission Form.

05/03/2015

It’s a common problem for many parents. They’ve identified a potential mental health problem, social issue, or behavior problem and they’re worried about their teen. But when they bring up the idea of meeting with a counselor, their teen refuses to go. It leaves many parents feel confused, overwhelmed, and even desperate.

Common Mental Health Issues in Teens
The Problem with Forcing Your Teen to Get Therapy
Dragging your teen to see a counselor isn’t likely to be effective. After all, would you feel comfortable speaking with a stranger if someone else tried to force you to do so?
A teen who feels forced to get treatment isn’t likely to be motivated to change. Instead, most teens will refuse to speak if they feel like they’re parents are making them talk to a counselor.
Sometimes a skilled counselor can help a teen feel more at ease after the first session. Often, it makes sense to contract with a teen to attend just a few sessions. Then, after a few appointments, further treatment needs and options can be re-evaluated.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Just because your teen has initially refused counseling, don’t give up. Allow your teen to think about the idea for a few days before broaching the subject a second time. Delicately bring up the subject again when everyone is calm. Avoid talking about when your teen is misbehaving or feeling upset.
The way you express your concerns can make a big difference in how your teen perceives the idea. If you threaten your teen with counseling, or say anything that your teen interprets to mean that you think he’s crazy, he’s not likely going to be keen on the idea.
Ask your teen how he feels about talking to someone. It’s not uncommon for teens to be embarrassed by their problems and it can be hard for them to admit they need help.
Gently share your concerns by using “I messages.” Say something like, “I’ve noticed you have been spending more time in your room and not much time with friends lately,” or “I’m concerned that you aren’t doing your homework and it worries me that you’ve gotten in trouble at school twice this month.”
Share your idea about counseling and how you think it could be helpful. Ask for input from your teen and be willing to listen to your teen's feelings about it.

8 Strategies to Get Teens to Talk
Talk to Your Teen’s Doctor
Whether you are concerned about possible ADHD, or you think your teen may have a substance abuse problem or depression, talking to your teen’s doctor can be a good place to start. A doctor can help you determine whether or not the symptoms you are seeing rise to the level of requiring further treatment.
If further treatment is necessary, a doctor can help you identify the most appropriate services and treatment professionals for your child. Even if your teen isn’t willing to attend those services, understanding your options and resources is important.
Also, if your teen isn’t willing to listen to your recommendations about how counseling can be helpful, he may be willing to listen to his doctor. A doctor may be able to explain how counseling works and how treatment could address the symptoms.
Options if Your Teen Refuses Counseling
If your teen refuses to go to counseling, don’t despair. You still have several options about how to get help.
Be willing to seek counseling on your own, without your teen. Often, parent-training can be one of the most effective ways to help teens. If your teen attended counseling, appointments would most likely occur for one hour each week. But, when a parent attends counseling, the parent can learn how to coach a teen throughout the week on how to use various skills, manage emotions, and improve relationships. Parent-training often yields better results than individual counseling.
A trained mental health professional can help you identify strategies to help your teen. There are often techniques and skills that parents can use to address mood issues, behavior problems, or substance abuse issues.
Another option is to speak with your teen’s guidance counselor at school. Discuss whether or not there are any services available within the school system to help your child. Meeting with a school counselor can sometimes be much less threatening to a teen compared to meeting with a mental health professional in an office setting.

05/02/2015

The silent treatment doesn't work. And it is mean. This form of emotional and verbal abuse as a

manipulation

tactic is also ineffective and hurts your marriage. As well as leaving important issues in your marriage unresolved, the silent treatment may make your spouse feel worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.

When you sulk or pout and refuse to talk about a problem, accept an apology, or help make a decision, not only are you shutting your spouse out, you are being cruel. Like saying "I don't care" or "whatever" or rolling your eyes or smirking, using the silent treatment is a cop out.

How to Respond to the Silent Treatment



If your spouse denies giving you the silent treatment by saying it's just a cooling off period or a desire for some space or time alone, point out in a respectful tone of voice that you are not a mind reader and that a need for space should be expressed prior to the period of silence and that there should be a time limit to wanting time to cool off or get your act together.



Some experts recommend not acknowledging the silence or cold shoulder mode and suggest you leave your spouse alone to sulk.



Don't respond with threats.



Recognize the tactic of not talking to you is a control tactic or a way of avoiding having to admit making a mistake. Quit inventing ways to get your mate to speak to you.



Walk away. Do something fun or interesting that you want to do. But if your spouse talks to you, respond with a soft courteous voice.

What Others Have to Say About the Silent Treatment

Kipling D. Williams: "A survey of over 2,000 Americans conducted by Faulkner et al. (1997) found that 67% admitted to using the
silent treatment, deliberately not speaking to a person in their presence, or a loved one. The percentage was slightly higher (75%) for those who indicated that they had been a target of the silent treatment by a loved one ... They found that the silent treatment was just as likely to be used by males as females, and that it was used more often to terminate a partner's behaviors than to elicit them."
Source:Kipling D. Williams PhD.
Ostracism: The Power of Silence. 2002. pgs. 9-10.


Gregory L. Jantz, Ann McMurray: "The silence, the loss of verbal relationship, is meant to exact an emotional toll on the other person, who often will go to great lengths to attempt to restore communication with the abuser. This level of control is precisely what the abuser is looking for, as well as a way to vent his or her anger at the other person. By not verbally expressing that anger, by 'avoiding' showing anger, the abuser is allowed to feel as if the victim is the only person at fault for whatever wrong is perceived by the abuser. If the victim responds to the silent treatment with anger, the abuser is doubly vindicated."
Source: Gregory L. Jantz, PhD, Ann McMurray.
Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse. 2009. pg. 78.


Walter B. Roberts: "Silent Treatments are used to control the situation by their lack of responses. When they do nothing, others have to do all the work. The power of the Silent Treatments rests in their abilities to always be right ... They maintain a position of superiority by not owning a part of a plan -- if we let them get away with it ... The trick is always to keep the Silent Treatments engaged and maybe even provide a little positive provocation to get them to respond, as a method of increasing their participation."
Source: Walter B. Roberts Jr.
Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims. 2008. pg. 75.


Sharon Anthony Bower, Gordon H. Bower: "The best way to counter the silent treatment is to assert your rights and ask for a speaking partner."
Source: Sharon Anthony Bower, Gordon H. Bower.
Asserting Your-Self: A Practical Guide for Positive Change. 1991. pg. 121.

05/01/2015

Thanks for the great question Alvin. Patent pending means that someone has applied for a patent on an invention and is waiting to see if the patent is granted. Manufacturers use it as a warning that a patent may be issued that would cover the item and that copiers should be careful because they might infringe if the patent issues. You can only use the term patent pending if you have applied for a patent (provisonal or non-provisional). You cannot use the term patent pending if it is not true. See - Glossary of Patent Terms and Definitions

04/29/2015

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04/29/2015

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