05/13/2022
WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT ON THE GO
Recently I officiated a beautiful wedding in Ohio. The bride meticulously coordinated all aspects of the wedding a year in advance…all except for one. My agreement to fly in and perform the ceremony was contingent upon the couple receiving pre-marital counseling from the pastor of the church, but when I called to make final coordination, the pastor informed me that couple skipped counseling.
How perplexing! When I spoke to the couple, I inquired, "How do you expect to manage conflict, stress, and navigate the storms of life without the tools and training purposed to equip you?” The bride replied with a statement that I will never forget, "Well……… I guess we’ll figure it out on the go."
Talk about building the airplane in flight, or flying by the seat of your pants. There are some things in life that you can get away with using that method, but a lifelong, happy, unified marriage is not one of them.
Imagine the combat readiness of an Airborne Infantry Division if Soldiers could enlisted into the Army, skip BCT/AIT/OST and jumpschool, in-process and arrive at 82nd just in time for a JRTC rotation. Soldiers wouldn't know how to shoot, move or communicate…. heck, they wouldn’t even know how to wear the uniform or pack a ruck. Figure it out on the go would lead to catastrophic failure.
Sounds ridiculous, I know. Yet Soldiers daily (including the one that stopped by my office this morning) enter into life-long marriage commitments without any training whatsoever and expect that somehow, someway they will magical figure it out on the go.
This flawed type of rationale is a contributing factor to the ever-increasing divorce rate where 51% of first marriages, 64% of second marriages and 76% of third marriages end in divorce. 51% would be much higher, but more couples are living together and not getting married.
Statistics show that the average divorce years are 5-8. For struggling marriages that make it into double digits, they often keep it together for the sake of the children. Since 2010, there’s been an incredible increase in divorces for marriages over the 20-year mark. By the time 20 years of marriage is reached, kids have grown, graduated and moved on…..individual careers have progressed and/or retirement……life evolves with projects and hobbies……and two people (who weren’t doing so well 5 years into marriage) now find themselves in a situation where they have nothing in common except for the family dog and a few bills. In 20+ years of marriage, they never figured it out on the go.
Dear readers, figuring it out on the go doesn’t work. It is killing marriages, and it may be killing yours.
As the Falcon Brigade prepares for new leadership and change, so should we prepare for future change in marriage. Just as ridiculous it seems for Soldiers, Firefighters, Doctors, Lawyers, your USAR/State partners, or most any other profession to skip out on training, so it is for your marriage.
I encourage you to seek marriage enrichment that will equip you with tools to work united through the issues of life. And for those that never received counseling needed but you’re struggling to figure it out on the go, there’s still hope for you! Take advantage of the opportunities for marriage enrichment provided through Strong Bonds programs, local marriage clinics, church programs, and my marriage seminars on YouTube.
Decide to boycott the "we'll figure it out on the go" mentality and gain the skills you need before it’s too late!
~Chappy
