12/14/2024
I wanted to share what I wrote for Oliver's vigil last Sunday. If you are grieving, I hope that these words bring you some comfort. It was especially powerful to hear the names of departed loved ones from those gathered at the vigil. We are all united by our shared grief.
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Thank you for being here to honor our beloved Oliver. And thank you for helping us light the way during this time of profound grief.
We are surrounded by so much love and support, and this keeps us moving forward. It does take a village, and we have the very best.
You may wonder if grief gets easier after almost 3 years. My most
honest answer is, no, not really. The weight is just as heavy and each day feels like I am moving further away from one of the dearest, most essential people of my life. But we learn to create a new language around the grief—a new way of being in the grief and carrying the grief. This process is ever-evolving and is teaching us, moment to moment, how to hold Oliver close and, at the same time, to take that next step, albeit very tentatively.
What I’ve learned is that at its core grief isn’t about loss: it’s about love. It’s about finding glimmers of light, even as grief teaches us to hold life’s paradoxes. It shows us that joy and sorrow aren’t opposites: they’re threads of the same fabric.
Oliver brought light to the dark places with his curiosity, passion,
deepest dimples, his loving relationships, and his driving desire to solve problems and, in doing so, to help others. In this season of light, let us bring forward the light in others and in ourselves. As my very articulate and very wise friend Molly said to me last week, “Let others borrow our light. If someone’s light is dimmed, share your light with that person. And allow others to share their light with you.”
Tonight, in this space which is solely meant to comfort the griever, let your light be seen and shared.
I would also like to acknowledge another spirit who has joined Oliver: my dear mother, who died in May. She was the very embodiment of light, love, and deep empathy.
Please feel free to share the name (or names) of someone you have lost—recently or long ago-- and let us all bring light to that beloved person in memory and to you, beautiful griever.
We love you all.
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