Dear Peer

Dear Peer Operated with love by MSJ Peer Resource

https://forms.gle/UHFHN64afiFZjZS9A

04/12/2021

POST #6

Topic: School/Academic Issues, Parental/Peer Pressure, Anxiety/Stress management

“hi! sometimes i feel like my parents have high expectations of me, since they both went to well-known, prestigious universities. they always tell me that they want me to put my best foot forward, but sometimes i feel like because they went to really good schools, i should go to an Ivy League school or higher-ranked UC so they'd be more proud of me. it often seems as if i'm studying just to get into a top university to make them happy, but i kinda want to do things my way. they're super supportive of me, but i feel like i kinda owe it to them to get into a top university. whenever i feel like this though i feel anxious and it makes me discouraged. i don't know what to do but i hate inflicting unnecessary pressure onto myself.“

Response: Hello! Thank you for your response. We know this may be difficult, but the key thing to remember is that you should go to a college that you love and that you can see yourself at. Maybe try talking to your parents and letting them know how you feel. It may be hard, but letting them in will help because they will understand your side. Just remember to try and be in classes and extracurriculars that you enjoy because when you do things that you like to do you feel more postivite about yourself and find your interests. Also try talking to a friend you are comfortable with if you want to open up and release your stress and anxiety. And remember that you shouldn't feel discouraged because in the end, remember that you explore a school that you love and have a passion towards because your parents will be proud of you for wherever you go.

02/20/2021

POST #5

Topic: School/Academic Issues, Parental/Peer Pressure, Anxiety/Stress management

“I haven’t done any hw since September I feel [anxious]“

Response: Hey there, OP! Thanks so much for reaching out to us through this anonymous form, and we're so happy to help in any way that we can. With distance learning, it's incredibly easy to lose motivation to complete school work and feel as if you're falling behind. Especially with the current environment, it's also difficult to balance good mental health, extracurriculars, social life, and academics as a high school student.

We recommend that you try to keep a planner for yourself so you can stay reminded of any upcoming tasks you need to complete, especially school work. Whether this planner is physical or on a Google Calendar, it's totally up to you. In addition, phones and social media apps are addictive and distracting. You can try to set screen time on your phone or download apps like Pause For or Forest on your phone/laptop, which can keep you motivated to stay off distracting websites like Instagram or Facebook. Try to incorporate healthy and mindful habits at the beginning and end of your day, such as meditation or yoga.

These simple yet powerful acts can motivate you to complete your schoolwork and have a productive day. If you feel like you are struggling with your academics and schoolwork, remember to reach out to friends who may have the same class as you or talk to your teachers during office hours. Facetiming friends while you study or listening to music while you do your schoolwork are all great ways to keep yourself motivated and focused. Try not to procrastinate, as school work is incredibly important in helping you learn more and ultimately having a brighter future.

There are many people out there who are going through the same situation as you right now, so please don't feel like you're alone and need to fight through this on your own-- all of us are in this together!

02/20/2021

POST #4

Topic: School/Academic Issues, Anxiety/Stress management

“I hate affirmative action. I feel like it's screwing me over. And it's just supporting discrimination. If I bring it up in public people are going to attack me and try to make me feel guilty for not being sympathetic. Everytime I see something related to that I just feel angry but it's not like I can have a rational discussion with people abt it since they just insult me. To be honest, I feel like it's only made me discriminate against URM more. :(“

Response: Hi OP!! We just wanted to let you know that we think your feelings are valid and we're truly proud that you're doing your best to express your own opinions. We know that it's extremely hard to keep those feelings inside and you would sometimes want to express them to others, but in reality, society may not agree with your thoughts. But just know that your own feelings and thoughts can't be controlled by what others think, and are valid from your own heart. If you're afraid of making others upset by bringing the topic up rationally, it's best not to tell them since you won't know how they could potentially react. Instead, we recommend writing your thoughts down in a journal and giving your writings all the thoughts and emotions you could possibly express and why you're opposed to affirmative action. We think this will help clear your mind in terms of stress and anxiety, and it's a resource to access whenever you feel the need! Please feel free to reach out to anyone you're comfortable with, including friends and maybe even family members!

02/12/2021

POST #3

Topic: School/Academic Issues, Parental/Peer Pressure, Being bullied / feeling left out, Anxiety/Stress management

I'm kind of just feeling alone and not motivated to make an effort to talk to anyone since i am new to the school. It's especially hard on a virtual platform and idk it is just completely ruining my energy level. I'm not sure if I'm just being dramatic but it's getting super tedious going to school everyday with no one other than my family to really talk to. Thanks for this survey..even though it's anonymous it feels good to just type my feelings out :)

Response: School can get really stressful especially online so it is completely okay to feel this way. Being new can be challenging but the best way to make new friends would be to join new clubs. Mission has an app for clubs called 'Mission Connected.' You might want to check it out to see if you are interested in any of the clubs listed, and you can reach out to any club officers for more information on joining.

It might also be beneficial to join some of the class Facebook groups to keep up with school events and other fun things you can participate in. Peer Resource offers a few different programs which you may be interested in joining. With the Peer Circles support groups you will be able to talk to others who can relate to your situation and this would be an opportunity to meet new people and make friends. We also have a one-on-one Peer Mentor Program where you can get paired with a mentor who you can talk to confidentially with anything you might be going through.

Remember you are not alone and can always reach out to us on instagram , we will be happy to help!

02/12/2021

POST #2

Topic: gender dysphoria

I am soooo confused. I have always dreamed of what being a girl was like. Please help

Response: Hello! We definitely believe that following your own heart and figuring out who you are as a person as you grow up is a big part of life! If you've come to the conclusion of how you feel regarding your gender dysphoria, I would recommend talking to someone you're open with, such as a friend, family member, or a counselor when you feel comfortable talking about it. I would encourage you to tell someone who you know will keep your personal situation confidential.

If you don't feel comfortable with telling anyone, don't force yourself. If you know your family isn't accepting of gender dysphoria, I would recommend you hold back on telling them since you are living under their roof and it's still incredibly hard to know how your parents would react. Just know, that your body doesn't define who you are at all, it's you as a person and how you are towards others, so keep that in mind. From there, you can make your own decision for your future treatments.

Please don't feel the need to rush the process, it will definitely take time but you'll definitely figure it out someday! It's all about what your heart tells you!

02/12/2021

POST #1

CW/TW: violence, abuse
Topic: Anxiety/Stress management, Depression, Parental Divorce / Breakup / Being cheated on

Right at the beginning of summer (June 2020) my mom found out that my dad had been cheating on her again with the same woman he had been with twice before. She went completely nuts and since then, she has been screaming lewd, vile comments and sexual insults at him every single day. She's caused him physical harm, beaten him, spit on him, kicked him and threatened him with a knife, often times chasing him around the house while screaming. The abuse always occurs twice a day, once in the morning around 6am to 7am before they both go to work and then at 7pm all the way to 11pm or so when they sleep. Sometimes, she would wake up at 3am (since she is a light sleeper) to go scream at him, throw things, slam holes into the walls or more. There is so much anger and tension in the house.
I wake up every day to the sounds of my mom yelling and taunting my dad and every evening I struggle through my homework while blasting music to try to drown out her yelling. She is so consumed by anger at my dad that she genuinely no longer cares about its impact on her children and how much it's interfering with the lives of other people in the house. I can't go anywhere to escape the situation, especially in this pandemic and with online school. I've had to handle this and pretend everything is all right on top of a full, rigorous courseload, extracurriculars and club work. I am never in the same place as my parents are anymore; just seeing them in the same room gives me stomach-lurching dread at the sh*tshow that'll come next. My relationship with both my parents are completely destroyed and I don't remember what it's like to have parents who don't yell and hit each other. I can't even begin to describe what I feel when I see other people with their parents and their families that are together in the most fundamental sense of that word.

Response: Thank you so much for seeking help and reaching out to us through this anonymous submission form. We are so proud of you for letting your emotions out on here, and we are extremely sorry to hear that you've been battling through such a challenging circumstances at home. This is a very tough situation and our hearts go out to you for being so brave and handling this situation all by yourself. Especially with the pandemic, family relationships at home can be strained and tense, and balancing that with school work and extracurriculars is not easy. It's a hard situation for everybody in your family, including your parents, even though their relationship has been harming your family immensely. It's hard to live with someone who hurt you so much.

Try speaking to your parents separately and open up to them about how you are feeling about the situation. If you are comfortable doing so, you can communicate your emotions with your parents and tell them how the extreme tension in your household has been negatively affecting you, even though they are very angry with each other.

If you are ever in a situation where you yourself feel you are physically or mentally in danger because of your parents, it is best to physically remove yourself from the situation and try to leave your house for a walk. If this situation escalates and you are in danger, please dial 911 for the police or 510-794-6055 for the Domestic Abuse hotline. Please remember your safety is utmost important, so do not put yourself in harm's way.

You are so strong, and you don't need to go through this battle all on your own. There are many on-campus resources that you can reach out to if you just need an outlet or people to talk to, including the Peer Mentor Program and Peer Circle Support Groups.

02/12/2021

SAMPLE SCENARIO #6

Topic: Parental Divorce / Breakup / Being Cheated On

My parents are constantly fighting, and someone always ends up getting hurt. Due to the agitated environment, I can’t concentrate on any schoolwork or pay attention in class. Now I have poor grades in some classes. Is there anything I can do to improve my situation?

Solution: This is a tough situation and needs to be handled carefully. The reasoning behind your parents’ fighting could vary, but the main thing to remember is that it’s not your fault nor your responsibility to take the blame in this situation. Try to talk to your parents individually about the situation when they aren’t fighting, and try to learn more about what’s making them both fight. Don’t try to break up the fighting as it happens because this could lead to someone, most likely yourself, getting hurt.

When your parents are calm, try to get them to understand, either individually or both together, that their fighting is not only putting a strain on the family, but it’s actually affecting you in school and life. Try to come to a resolution about the fighting and where they stand, but understand that this might not result in what you want.

The best thing to do is to get them to take couple’s / marriage counseling (whether you want to be a part of it is up to you), but if this doesn’t work out, talk to another adult you trust to find a better solution for you. If you genuinely feel like someone, including yourself, is in danger, please call 911 or (510)-259-1800 (Alameda CPS) immediately.

02/12/2021

SAMPLE SCENARIO #5

Topic: School/Academic Issues - study tips

I’ve been studying nonstop for different classes, and although I’m doing well in some, my grade has been dropping in others and I still feel behind despite studying so much. I can’t get any extensions and my teacher hasn’t been very helpful in explaining one-on-one. How can I improve my grades in these classes?

Response: We understand that distance learning can make classes confusing at times and harder to understand the material. Try asking more questions during class, and if you need extra help, you should use office hours with your teacher so you get a deeper understanding of what was taught in class.

We also suggest you use the resources on- and off-campus, such as MSJ STEM Success or MSJ Young Mentors. You can ask your parents or teachers for an off-campus tutor that can catch you up on the material you didn’t understand in class on a regular basis.

02/12/2021

SAMPLE SCENARIO #4

Topic: Being Bullied / Feeling Left Out - social distancing isolation

Quarantine has made it really hard for me to interact with friends and communicate. I feel like I have no close friends to talk to or virtually hang out with, so I’m feeling pretty lonely. How can I change this?

Response: First, it would be a great idea to talk to your family about this so that you still have some people to talk to and confide in. If that doesn’t suit you, you always have a buddy to talk to with Peer Resource! If you’d like, one of our Peer Mentors will connect with you to meet virtually and talk. Not only will they provide a feeling of support, but they’ll also help you find ways to be more interactive in class and make new friends.

If you aren’t comfortable with that, consider making friends during virtual class. For example, if you have a group member for a project or a quick group activity in breakout rooms, you can talk to them and exchange social media to keep in touch! You can also try reconnecting with old friends, catching up, and slowly getting more involved in their lives again.

02/12/2021

SAMPLE SCENARIO #3

Topic: School/Academic Issues - time management, workload

I have a lot of extracurriculars, and it’s getting really hard to get all my work done on time. I really want to keep all my extracurriculars and get good grades, but I’ve been sacrificing my sleep for those things. How do I balance everything and still succeed?

Response: Balancing your schedule while coming out on top of everything can be really hard and it takes time to really succeed. Take a look at your schedule and start to add in spots for breaks and self-care where you feel like you’re doing too much work. It might be hard to drop an extracurricular, especially one you’re passionate about, but oftentimes it’s important to remember that you still need time for yourself. You can either decide to cut back and take a back seat from certain things (those involved will understand) or just get rid of a time-sucking EC altogether.

Getting good grades is also important, but remember that they don’t define you and it’s ok if you don’t succeed every time. However, if you reconsider some extracurriculars (maybe one where you aren’t enjoying the practices/meetings as much or one you find to be time-consuming), that would be beneficial to you.

Also, don’t be afraid to ask your teachers for extensions on assignments! Some teachers understand our pressures and are willing to extend a deadline if you communicate. All in all, it’s most important to remember that you and your health come first, so you shouldn’t pile all kinds of classes and extracurriculars onto yourself if it feels like too much.

02/12/2021

SAMPLE SCENARIO #2

Topic: School/Academic Issues - burnout

I’ve been extremely productive over the past few weeks and although I’m proud of getting so much work done, I feel like I am starting to burnout and become overwhelmed. What should I do?

Response: Remember that we all need to take breaks often to prevent burnout and to refresh. We suggest you look into implementing self-care activities within your daily routine. Self-care activities help improve our mental, emotional, and physical health. These can be physical exercises, meditation or yoga, or taking a nap. You can also try listening to music, eating a snack, or playing games with friends, but remember to get back to your work when you’re done.

02/12/2021

SAMPLE SCENARIO #1

Topic: School/Academic Issues - productivity, procrastination

I’m having trouble staying focused and being productive. I constantly find myself procrastinating and stressing about due dates. What are some tips to overcome this?

Response: Procrastination is a common obstacle that hinders our productivity. In order to overcome procrastination, we suggest creating a set schedule for your daily tasks, writing down both long-term and short-term goals, and creating incentives to complete work on time. Remember that you can’t finish everything all at once though, so remember to take breaks. A great structure for this is the SMART Goals template.

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