Al-Anon Information Service/North Jersey Literature Distribution Center

10/01/2024

09/28/2024

Every time I close the door on Reality, it comes in through the window.
~Ashleigh Brilliant

09/14/2024

God wants you to know that difficult people are very important; they teach you tolerance and acceptance.
If everything went your way all the time, you would become a spoiled child, wouldn't you? Difficult people are just one of the ways God teaches us to expand beyond our egos and accept other perspectives on life.

09/12/2024

The Difference between Caretaking and Caregiving
I think it helps to think of caretaking as the out-of-balance and ‘self-centered' behaviors that reflect a person's deep need to be in control and accepted. On the other hand, caregiving consists of more balanced behaviors that reflect compassion and concern for others. You might say caretaking is more about getting love, while caregiving is more about giving it."

08/21/2024

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles...by the ears, by the heels or any other way you can manage it. It's the healthiest thing a body can do.
~Mark Twain

07/19/2024

Disappointing Others
Learning the art of saying no to other people wasn't easy. I used to always come up with extravagant stories, excuses, or narratives for why I couldn't do something. Nobody ever taught me that I could just simply say no. I grew up believing that somehow saying no to others would do them harm. I didn't understand that saying yes sometimes causes myself harm. Like my friend Holly Whitaker says, "Disappoint other people with your no; don't disappoint yourself with a yes you'll later resent." Isn't that the truth?

There's such freedom in saying no. Perhaps you know this. I'm a recovering people pleaser, so it took me a little longer than most to figure this out. I'm really good at it now. When we say no to other people, we don't need to overexplain, lie, manipulate, justify, or make excuses. We can decline graciously, confidently, firmly. We don't need to justify our decisions. We can respond with a simple "Thanks for thinking of me, but I'm going to pass" or "Sorry, I'm unavailable for that" or even better, "No, thank you." If you don't already do this, try it out.

I'd rather disappoint others than disappoint myself.

07/13/2024

Blaming someone or something else doesn't help me to grow as an individual.
~Chris DeMetsenaere

06/16/2024

When you teach your son, you teach your son's son.
~The Talmud

As we look at our own life history and begin to understand how we reached this point, we have to examine what was passed on to us by our parents and then realize that they were doing the best they could with what they had been given. We talk about the chain of transmission through generations who had problems with addictions and codependency. Many of us know that we want to break that chain so that our children don't inherit the negative patterns.

How do we break the chain of generation after generation of addiction and abuse? We become the best father we know how to be. We develop genuine relationships with our children, letting them truly know us; we tell them about our lives and listen to them talk about their lives. It isn't all about discipline; it's about having a bond and being honest in telling our children that we love and care for them. Certainly, setting limits and being consistent are important tenets, but the most important thing a father can give his child is letting his child know him.

Today, I will be engaged with my child in a genuine and open relationship.

Today's Gift Book
Today's reading is from the book Stepping Stones: More Daily Meditations for Men*

06/04/2024

Today I will look for the grace in my past, my present, and my future.