10/13/2026
Understanding trauma
One of the most overlooked trauma responses of narcissistic abuse survivors is that they stop decorating their homes because nothing feels permanent anymore. Their past experiences have taught them that anything they love or become attached to can suddenly be taken away. They watch the same shows and listen to the same songs repeatedly because knowing what happens next gives them a sense of safety and predictability. They might own an entire wardrobe, but they keep wearing the same comfort clothes because familiar things make them feel safe, while anything new or unpredictable can make them uncomfortable. They often feel more relaxed at night than during the day because daytime brings uncertainty, demands, and unexpected situations, while nighttime feels quieter and more predictable. Many develop revenge bedtime procrastination because, when they were living with the narcissist, late at night was the only time they could enjoy some peace without being constantly disturbed, criticized, or controlled.
They get used to staying awake, keeping their phones on silent, and doing things quietly when everyone else is asleep. Even after leaving the relationship, that habit can stay with them. Going outside can also become overwhelming because crowded places, bright lights, loud noises, and unpredictable surroundings can trigger the same sense of danger their nervous system learned to anticipate during the abuse.
