Jennings County's Granny Punkbuster

Jennings County's Granny Punkbuster Well, bless your heart! If you like sharp talk, small-town tales and a little mischief, you’re in the right place. Stay awhile and listen, sugar!

From the sheriff’s antics to Twitchy McTweak’s pancake debates, there’s always a story. They know. Deep down, beneath all the performance, titles, handshakes, favors, and fake confidence, they know exactly what they are. Nothing without the protection. Nothing without the little circle. Nothing without someone clearing the path, covering the mess, and telling them they earned what was handed to th

em. That is why they attack anyone who stands on their own. That is why they hate people who will not bow, clap, flatter, or play along with the delusion. It reminds them of the thing they spend every day trying not to hear. That they are little kings of nothing. And one day, that lie will crack. I hope accountability finds every last one of them. I hope they feel the full weight of what they caused, what they excused, and what they intentionally did to people just so they could feel important for five more minutes. Because some people do not want leadership. They want a throne made out of other people’s backs. National politics isn't welcome here. It's literally on everything, take that whining to any of them if you need to vent. Do it here, it will be deleted, even if I agree with your statement. Definitely do not tell Granny she doesn't care at the end of your pointless ranting to earn a ban, Mike Bough! Act like an adult. Pretend decorum matters. Stick to facts, skip the fallacies and leave the grade school antics at the door. If a professional peer would cringe at your behavior, don’t bring it here. This Page Blocks Bullsh*t. No Refunds. No Apologies. Again, just in case.. If you’re just here to derail, deflect or dump nonsense, take it elsewhere. Warning: Satire and parody heavy. If it makes you mad, you should probably step back and re-evaluate yourself and clean the mirror. Content on this page is for entertainment purposes only unless directly stated otherwise. No authorized use or modification of our content will ever be given. Doing so will make you liable for any legal repercussions.

August 25th Jennings County Park Board meeting. The park board meeting started quietly enough. They approved the minutes...
08/31/2026

August 25th Jennings County Park Board meeting.

The park board meeting started quietly enough. They approved the minutes, gave a small master plan update.

One of the biggest issues was staffing. The park director said the department is severely understaffed, and data presented during the master-plan process apparently confirmed what they already suspected. According to Jones, they’re basically doing the work of two or three people while trying to maintain two parks fifteen miles apart with only four staff handling much of the day-to-day workload. Somewhere in the middle of all that, the board also approved a $250 sponsorship for an FC Tucker event.

Then things wandered into the budget, where the park’s non-reverting fund, apparently being renamed the “project fund,” has more than $200,000 sitting in it, but the department says it has been told it can only spend about $55,000 from the account per year. Even figuring out how much had already been spent got interesting. The park director’s numbers showed a little over $44,000, while other records apparently showed more than $70,000.

The explanation was a Community Foundation donation for a bathroom project. That money was apparently supposed to move through a separate pass-through account, but according to Jones, he doesn’t believe that account ever got created. Instead, the donated money went into the park’s non-reverting account and then back out again, making it look like the department spent more of its own money than it actually did. They said the financial adviser was working on getting that corrected.

And then came the star of the meeting: the splash pad.

The county doesn't want to fund it and eliminated the $10,000 budget allocation that had been helping operate it, meaning the park department would have to pay for it itself if the board wants to keep the thing alive. Jones came prepared with a pros-and-cons list. There were two pros and nine cons, and he said even after asking his staff for help, nobody could come up with any more positives.

That was probably not a great opening argument for the defense.

According to Jones, the splash pad costs roughly $7,000 to $10,000 a year to operate and maintain, and that doesn’t include the extra water expense. It currently needs repairs. The surface is deteriorating. A pump has problems. A solenoid has problems. The diverter valve needs work. Somebody apparently managed to shove a stick down into the drainage system and damage part of it, because apparently even municipal plumbing occasionally has to deal with vandalism by stick.

There are also sanitation problems because people don’t always follow the rules. Jones described people coming off the trails and rinsing off in it, and even someone putting a child in a diaper directly into the water. Because the splash pad only uses about a thousand gallons of recirculated water, contamination can become a much bigger problem than it would in something like the city pool.

Then we got to the part where the splash pad somehow became connected to sewage backing up into the dining hall.

According to Jones, heavy rain and excess water from the splash pad can overwhelm the system feeding toward the dining hall sewage tank. When that happens, sewage and wastewater can back up into the building. He said rentals have had to be refunded because people showed up for events and ended up dealing with wastewater inside the facility.

Nothing says “Happy Birthday” quite like a municipal sewage refund.

As if that wasn’t enough, a malfunctioning float in the splash pad system recently helped produce a $4,500 water bill, roughly $2,500 higher than normal. Jones said the splash pad has basically dominated the department for six years, and at that point it became pretty clear why his pros-and-cons list looked less like a balanced debate and more like an obituary with two compliments at the beginning.

The board discussed whether the area could eventually be converted into something more useful, possibly a large shade structure with picnic tables near the playground. They also talked about whether spending somewhere around a fifth of the roughly $55,000 they’re apparently allowed to use from the non-reverting fund every year on one splash pad makes financial sense when the department has plenty of other equipment and maintenance needs.

But they did not vote to kill it.

Instead, the board agreed not to spend more money trying to get the splash pad reopened for Labor Day and tabled the long-term decision until the next meeting so everyone could think about it.

Over at Eco Lake, there was another wonderfully government-flavored moment when they started discussing a $5,510 pump replacement and nobody seemed completely sure whether they had already approved it. Somebody checked the email trail and, sure enough, four board members had already voted yes by email earlier in August.

So yes. Approved.

They just had to rediscover their own approval during the meeting.

By the end of the report, the park’s non-reverting or project fund was sitting just shy of $260,000, with Jones projecting it could be somewhere around $282,000 by the end of the year if revenues and expenses come in roughly where expected.

So that was the Jennings County Park Board: understaffed, sorting through some accounting confusion, staring at a $4,500 water bill, dealing with sewage backups into the dining hall, and deciding whether a splash pad that has spent six years kicking the department in the shin is finally ready for retirement.

Next month: Splash Pad Judgment Day.

08/30/2026

THE PAIN DEALER: AUGUST EDITION

North Vernon brought the excuses.
The Pain Dealer brought the bu****it detector.

Just post the damn packet.

Hangry Jack, the Little Red Baron & the Missing PacketsNorth Vernon apparently decided Granny needed a translator Monday...
08/27/2026

Hangry Jack, the Little Red Baron & the Missing Packets

North Vernon apparently decided Granny needed a translator Monday night, so Granny figured she’d return the favor. Because once you strip away the municipal word salad, some of this stuff gets remarkably easy to understand.

Hangry Jack Kelly started with the claims. Actual version: “So, we catch some heat on these claims because we just give one big number.” He then explained that if council went through every claim and payment individually, they’d be sitting there for “a good hour.”

GRANNY TRANSLATION: “Granny keeps giving us s**t because we approve giant lump-sum claim totals without showing everybody what’s actually in them, so instead of addressing her actual suggestion to POST THE DAMN PACKET, we’re going to pretend she wants us to read every invoice aloud for an hour.”

Then Hangry Jack reminded everyone that the claims are public records, that people can go down to the clerk’s office, pick them up, look them over, ask staff questions and even come back to a meeting if they still have questions.

GRANNY TRANSLATION: “Yes, Granny, the paperwork already exists. Yes, council already has it. No, we still aren’t just putting it online with the agenda. Your nearly crippled butt and every other unable person can come fetch it yourself, study it afterward, and then come back to another meeting to ask about the vote we already took.”

Then another little show happened. Someone asked if there was anything notable in the claims, and suddenly council managed to explain that roughly $245,000 was a debt payment, about $31,000 was street-department equipment and $20,000 was going to the EDC. Holy sharted britches. Almost some useful information. POST THE DAMN PACKETS instead of wasting your time with this silliness.

Then came the Little Red Baron. Jarrod was kind of thanking people for showing up and talking about how attendance shows people still care, those that don't, do not come to the meetings because they are just mad. (Since meetings are almost always empty. What he really said was everyone is always mad at the city) Just think about it, If they didn't think their attempted shade toss at Granny through very well, imagine everything they miss doing their actual jobs!) And completely unprompted, Baron Wilder swooped in from the Circle of Avoidance: “Don’t discount the people that are online. They’re actual people, at least some of them are.” He continued that they could “make their posts and whatnot” however they wanted about the meeting, before declaring that “everything here is transparent, contrary to what you read online.”

GRANNY TRANSLATION: “Jarrod, don’t forget Granny and all those people reading her page. Unfortunately, they are real people. Granny is absolutely going to make another post about this meeting. No, I am definitely not thinking about Granny right now while voluntarily bringing up online criticism nobody asked me about. Also, everything is transparent, despite Granny constantly pointing out the things we don’t actually put online.”

Nothing says “Granny is not living rent-free in this cockpit” quite like banking the Little Red Baron around and bringing her up without anybody mentioning her.

But wait. Immediately afterward, another explanation began “just to clear the air.” Council members explained that they look at the claim vouchers before the meeting, discuss questions before the meeting, talk with department officials before the meeting, and get everything clarified before they vote.

GRANNY TRANSLATION: “We already have the exact information Granny keeps asking us to make easier for taxpayers to see. We already review it. We already discuss it. We already resolve questions about it. We just apparently cannot imagine a technological solution somewhere between ‘tell the public almost nothing’ and ‘read every receipt aloud for two and a half hours.’”

That technological breakthrough is called "posting the meeting packets."

Granny has compared North Vernon’s process with other cities before. Most governments manage to put agendas, ordinances, resolutions, claims and supporting documents online before their boards vote on them. No dramatic invoice recital. No municipal endurance event. No citizens chasing paperwork around City Hall afterward. Just documents on a website.

But apparently Granny is the difficult one.

Bless their transparent little hearts.

And yes, it really has gotten this bad. Somewhere along the way, parts of North Vernon’s city government appear to have completely lost touch with the people they are supposed to represent and serve. An embarrassing amount of this meeting was spent not explaining decisions, improving access to information or answering the criticism being raised, but talking about the people watching and asking legit questions.

These aren’t some invading army from Facebook. They’re your constituents. They’re taxpayers. They’re residents asking why they can’t see the same paperwork council sees before voting, questioning how decisions are made, and posting about public meetings because, believe it or not, public meetings are public business.

And instead of hearing that criticism and thinking, “Maybe we could do better,” we got imaginary requests nobody made, lectures about how public records can be hunted down afterward, jokes about whether the people online are even real, and another declaration that everything is transparent “contrary to what you read online.”

That is how far out of touch they have become.

When elected officials spend this much energy being bothered by the people watching them, rather than asking themselves why so many people are watching them critically, the problem probably isn’t Granny.

You might want to look in the cockpit.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
P.S. You get five gold stars for the excellent unpaid marketing. At least ya get something right from time to time!

Granny Accepts the Municipal Excellence AwardLadies and gentlemen, department heads, board members, commissioners, counc...
08/25/2026

Granny Accepts the Municipal Excellence Award

Ladies and gentlemen, department heads, board members, commissioners, councilmen, attorneys, assorted public servants, and anyone currently fighting the urge to mention Granny into a microphone...

Thank you.

Granny is deeply humbled to accept this year’s **Municipal Excellence Award for Outstanding Achievement in Living Rent Free Inside Local Government’s Head.**

Frankly, Granny didn’t even know she had been nominated.

Apparently there was no need.

The campaign committee has been working tirelessly on her behalf at public meetings all across town.

While Granny has been sitting at home drinking coffee, clipping public records together and occasionally asking a question, local officials have been doing the heavy lifting.

Discussing Granny.

Government-splaining Granny.

Complaining about Granny.

Answering questions Granny never asked.

Warning people about things Granny might post.

Discussing what people online might think.

Discussing how people online don’t understand.

Then discussing the people online some more.

It has been an extraordinary grassroots effort.

There are candidates for public office who would kill for this kind of recognition.

Granny would especially like to thank every board and commission that has managed to turn an otherwise ordinary agenda item into a brief emotional support session about Facebook.

Without you, none of this would have been possible.

To the officials who have carefully avoided saying “Granny” while describing Granny with enough detail that everybody in the room immediately knows they mean Granny, your subtlety has been breathtaking.

To those who insist they don’t care what Granny says, only to spend several minutes explaining precisely how little they care...

Your dedication to not caring has been inspirational.

To those who have answered accusations Granny never made, thank you for expanding the franchise.

Sometimes Granny learns what she allegedly believes right along with everybody else.

And finally, Granny would like to thank the taxpayers.

Because technically, some of these Granny discussions have occurred while everybody involved was on the public clock.

That means the taxpayers helped finance the award ceremony.

Granny accepts this honor on behalf of nosy citizens everywhere who discovered the easiest way to become unforgettable in local government:

Read the paperwork. Watch the meetings. Ask questions.

And apparently...

exist on Facebook.

Thank you all.

Please continue discussing Granny at your all of your meetings. She always loves the free advertising.

The North Vernon City Council Show packed a surprising amount into its August 24th show, and once again the Historic Pre...
08/25/2026

The North Vernon City Council Show packed a surprising amount into its August 24th show, and once again the Historic Preservation Commission took center stage, barely.

The proposed Historic Preservation Commission ordinance returned after its previous discussion with only a handful of changes. The commission would have five voting members with staggered initial terms, and the ordinance was revised to require the commission’s future rules and guidelines to come back before City Council for approval before they could actually be enforced. Council was also told that state law requires the mayor to appoint the voting members, with those appointments then approved by City Council.

Then came the explanation everyone in the room has heard some version of before.

This ordinance, officials repeatedly stressed, is only creating the commission. It is not creating the actual historic-preservation guidelines the commission would eventually follow. Those guidelines come later, after the commission exists and its members are appointed. The plan is for the commission to work with downtown business owners, building owners and others while developing those guidelines, which would eventually return to City Council for ratification before becoming enforceable.

That council-approval requirement is an important safeguard. The appointed commission would not simply be able to write a new rule one afternoon and start enforcing it the next morning.

But it still leaves the question Granny has been asking from the beginning sitting right there in the middle of the room.

They want to create the commission before they write the rules will actually follow. While also having some pretty substantial rules in the ordinance creating the commission, then they us we're supposed to ignore those rules.

The commission gets created. The mayor appoints its members. Council approves those members. Then the commission helps develop the substantive guidelines it will eventually operate under.

And every time someone questions that sequence, the answer keeps coming back in some form of: “This ordinance only creates the commission. The guidelines come later.”

Yes.

We heard you.

The fact that say rules come later while some are already in the ordinance is the part people are questioning.

One member of the public put it about as simply as anybody could. People were receiving the actual paperwork that night, many people still were not aware of what was happening, and if another couple of weeks really was not a big deal, why not wait and let people actually read and discuss it?

There was a real reason for the rush, however.

An OCRA representative explained that the city is running up against a September 29 CAMP training date for Historic Preservation Commission members. That training is intended to teach future members what they can and cannot do when developing the guidelines. She also explained that if North Vernon wants to retain the $2 million PreservINg Main Street grant, the Historic Preservation Commission must remain in existence through the life cycle of the grant.

So that became the argument for moving quickly. Create the commission, get five people appointed, get those appointments approved, get them trained, start developing the map and keep the $2 million grant moving.

That explains the timeline.

It does not magically make the public’s concern about the order of operations disappear.

Baron Wilder again stressed that passing Ordinance 1032-2026 would only establish the commission and would not establish the rules. He eventually made the motion to adopt the ordinance, and Jack Kelly seconded it.
Then the vote came.

Two in favor. Three opposed. Motion failed.

Afterward, the council discussed bringing it back again at the next regular meeting, eventually sorting out that the date is September 14th.

Daeger explained that he had spoken with "business owners" who were generally supportive of the ordinance itself but wanted additional time to discuss the timeline and details. (Perhaps with residents and building owners instead of only a handful of businesses?) He said he had already told people he would not vote for it that night and intended to give the matter more time.

Jack Kelly pushed back with the deadline with his emotion switch switched to 100%. The city is “under the gun,” he said, because the mayor still has to find five people, council has to approve them, and the September training date is getting close.

Pat Kirchner then pointed out the obvious workaround: the mayor could spend the next few weeks identifying potential members so their names could be ready if the ordinance passes September 14th.

The mayor was not interested in the slightest.

He said he was not going to waste his time asking people to serve on a commission when he did not yet know whether council would pass the ordinance, adding that he did not want to waste their time or his.

Which creates a rather interesting little circle.

The mayor does not want to line up potential commission members before council creates the commission because that might put work ahead of approval.

The public should kinda just accept the council creating another commission before the commission develops the substantive guidelines everyone keeps assuring the public will come later.

Apparently cart placement depends heavily on which cart we are discussing.

Moving on.

The golf course made an appearance, and for once it was not attached to money.

St. Anne’s co-director of golf Joe Kelley addressed council about Sunday morning’s failed golf scramble. Kelley said the event was scheduled for an 8 a.m. shotgun start and he simply did not show up because he slept through his alarm.

No elaborate excuse. No communications failure. No weather problem. No blaming somebody else.

He overslept.

Kelley took responsibility for it, apologized to the organizer and everyone who had traveled to participate, apologized to the mayor, council and fellow co-director Bryce Wrightsman, and said he would work to earn back the trust he lost.

Council thanked him for doing it.

Later, the scramble organizer spoke himself. He explained that he had not intended for his Facebook post about nobody being there to take off the way it did. People had traveled from Indianapolis and Louisville for the event, it was the fourth year they had held it, and he preferred keeping the event local because he is from here. But he also said situations like this, along with the condition of the course, make that more difficult. Participation has been dwindling, and other courses have already reached out to him.

That part deserves just as much attention as the apology for saying what happened out loud.

The parks department also announced that the complex will host its first USSSA fast-pitch tournament this coming Sunday. Granny's shoulder flew outta socket just thinkin' about it.

Police Chief Keith Messer reported that officers have been conducting additional school-zone enforcement through an Operation Pullover grant, including enforcement involving speeding and school-bus stop-arm violations.

Then came the money.

Council approved an August 14 payroll of $219,382.95 and two claim dockets totaling $245,038.29 and $149,461.09.

Apparently council has noticed that people are not particularly impressed by hearing giant lump-sum claim numbers with almost no accompanying information.

Jack Kelly addressed that criticism, but somehow managed to answer a question nobody was asking.

He explained that if council sat there and went through every claim and every payment individually, everybody would be sitting there for another hour or two.

Who asked them to do that? I'm genuinely curious.

Granny hasn't seen anybody is asking council to perform a dramatic reading of every invoice into the microphone.

Publish the meeting packet.

Council already has the claim information before the meeting. Members review it before voting. Put that same material online with the agenda so taxpayers can look through it too.

Then when council says it is approving $245,038.29 and $149,461.09, the public can see what those numbers actually contain without driving to City Hall afterward and asking someone behind a counter for records.

That is not some radical new invention called transparency.

Governments all over the place publish agenda packets containing claims, reports, contracts, resolutions, supporting documentation and other materials their boards are expected to consider.

Instead, the angry Jack reminded everyone that the claims are public records and said anybody can go to the clerk-treasurer’s office, get them, look them over and come back to a meeting with questions.

Sure.

They are public records.

But “you can come down here and ask us for the documents” and “we posted the documents online before the vote so everyone can see what council is seeing” are not the same level of transparency.

And again, nobody asked Jack to read every invoice aloud.

Jack, meet Packet. Packet, meet Website.

When someone finally asked whether there was anything notable in those claims worth mentioning, suddenly we got a little actual information: roughly $245,000 for a debt payment, about $31,000 for street-department equipment and $20,000 to the EDC.

The clerk-treasurer’s office then explained that submitted claims are reviewed against the appropriate budget appropriations before being placed on the docket for council approval and that payments cannot be made until council approves the claims. The office again noted that the detailed information is public record and available for review.

Near the end of the meeting, the conversation hilariously found its way right back to transparency. If you say it enough, I guess it comes true.

Then Jarrod thanked everyone for attending and said a full room shows people still care. Followed by some rambling about civic participation without attendances means people are mad, so they don't show up.

Then came the little Baron:

“Oh jarrod, don’t discount the people that are online. They’re actual people, at least some of them are. So they can make their posts and whatnot, however they want to say about tonight’s meeting. But everything here is transparent, contrary to what you read online.”

Ya know, cause nothing says ‘we’re not bothered’ quite like bringing up hurt Facebook feelings and the non-people, completely unprompted.

Folks then defended the claims process some more by explaining that they already review the vouchers before the meeting, ask questions beforehand and resolve issues before voting. Going through those details publicly, they argued, could add hours to the meeting.

And again, Granny's not sure who is asking for a two-hour invoice recital.

Posting the meeting packet seems much easier and practical, but that doesn't serve the purpose of the recurring transparency whine fest.

If the council members can see the material before they vote, there is no particularly compelling reason the taxpayers footing the bill should have to chase it down after the fact like its 1926, Jack.

Finally, there was some calendar discussion over the city budget hearing. September 14th had originally been discussed for the first public hearing, but September 28 the clerk-treasurer will be out of the country. Council members were asked to check their calendars so any change could be properly published.

Roughly 30 minutes of government theater wrapped up with officials spending an impressive amount of public meeting time crying about Granny and explaining things absolutely nobody asked them to explain.

THEY COULDN’T EVEN OPEN THE GOLF COURSEGranny has seen plenty of complaints about St. Anne’s Golf Course lately. The con...
08/23/2026

THEY COULDN’T EVEN OPEN THE GOLF COURSE

Granny has seen plenty of complaints about St. Anne’s Golf Course lately. The condition of the course, the money, the improvements and the management changes.

But today, apparently, we reached a whole new level: they couldn’t even get the place open.

A golf scramble was scheduled for this morning. Three days ago, organizer Clayton Webster was still advertising it and trying to get people to come out. He openly acknowledged the course “isn’t in the best shape,” but said the event wasn’t about that. It was about raising money, getting people together, having lunch and handing out prizes.

Then scramble morning arrived.

According to Webster’s post today, about 40 people were ready to go at St. Anne’s at 8 a.m. Nobody from the course showed up.

People waited. And waited.

Webster said some participants had driven from Indianapolis and just north of Louisville. He stated they had already paid for food, drinks and snacks for the event. Still, nobody was there to open the golf course.

It was reportedly an hour or more before someone finally showed up.

Now remember, this comes shortly after the city let the previous golf director go and replaced him with two younger directors. Yet on the morning of a scheduled golf scramble, apparently neither director was there to open the course.

But perhaps the most impressive part was the reported response afterward: “Sh*t happens man, ya know.”

Yes. Crap does indeed happen.

Employees get sick. Cars break down. Alarms fail. Emergencies happen. That is also why functioning organizations have schedules, assigned responsibilities, phone numbers, backup employees and somebody who notices when 40 golfers are standing outside a locked golf course.

What makes this especially painful is that Webster has proactively defended St. Anne’s, including just three days before this event.

And this was the thanks he got.

St. Anne’s apparently handed him a better complaint than any critic could have written.

Forget the greens. Forget the cart paths. Forget the simulators. Forget all the millions being discussed and spent around this golf course for just a minute.

They had a scheduled golf scramble and couldn’t manage the first step of operating a golf course: opening the gate.

That isn’t a grass problem. That’s a management problem.

And that's worth pointing out, because for years the director and day-to-day management never appeared to be the real problem at St. Anne’s. The bigger problem was that the course and its director were not adequately supported by the city. Deferred maintenance piles up. Equipment ages. Projects get pushed off. Eventually all those neglected problems become visible all at once, and the person standing closest to them gets blamed for the mess.

Then the city replaced one experienced director with two directors who, from what Granny can determine, came into the jobs without significant experience running a golf course or managing a business.

Maybe the city believed new faces, ambitious plans and a big infusion of public money would automatically produce better results.

But pipe dreams aren't management experience.

And apparently they don't unlock the clubhouse at 8 a.m. either.

If city leadership wanted to prove that changing management was the answer to St. Anne’s problems, leaving approximately 40 people standing outside a closed golf course on the morning of a scheduled scramble is one hell of a way to start making the opposite case.

And “s**t happens” might work when you forget your lunch. It lands a little differently when dozens of people who spent real money supporting a fundraiser are standing around wondering why the golf course they were invited to play at is still closed.

Now hear Granny out… The Frisk & Whistle.
08/22/2026

Now hear Granny out… The Frisk & Whistle.

“It’s Falling Apart.” Great. Then Why Do You Want It?At a recent county meeting, one commissioner summed up the whole si...
08/22/2026

“It’s Falling Apart.” Great. Then Why Do You Want It?

At a recent county meeting, one commissioner summed up the whole situation with one very important sentence: “What we want to do and what the law will let us do are different things.” And frankly, that little sentence deserves its own refresher course, because taxpayer property is not something government gets to hand out.

Apparently this lesson needs taught: taxpayer property is not the office free pile. It does not belong to elected public servants. It does not belong to department heads. It does not belong to employees. Nobody gets to slap a sticky note on a county-owned item that says “DIBS” and wait for closing time. It belongs to the public.

And Zimmerman, consider this your refresher course. Since public property rules are apparently one of those subjects you need to review every so often.

Enter our fictional hero: the Tragically Falling-Apart Shed. Poor thing. Absolutely devastated. Practically dust. A stiff breeze could allegedly send it cartwheeling into Ohio. Termites probably have a timeshare in it. Raccoons are preparing probate paperwork. It is, according to the sort of description one might hear when somebody would really like to take government property home for free, just absolutely falling apart.

There is only one tiny problem.

The damn thing looks pretty good.

Now we have ourselves a story, because when somebody wants public property, the proper government procedure is not to declare it crap, ask for it, and load it onto a trailer before anybody starts Googling Indiana law. There are actual rules for disposing of government property. Wild concept, I know.

Depending on what the property is, how it is classified, and what it is worth, government may have to sell it, auction it, accept bids, transfer it to another governmental entity, or follow some other legally authorized disposal process. Why? Because without those rules, every piece of public property would become the world's strangest employee benefit program.

Need a riding mower? “Aw, that old thing? Barely runs.” BRRRRRRMMMM. And away it goes. Want a utility trailer? “That thing's practically scrap.” Hitch clicks. Tail lights disappear over the horizon. County buys new office furniture? “These old desks aren't worth anything.” Twenty minutes later somebody's nephew has a furnished basement. Old truck needs a starter? “Well, it's basically totaled.” Congratulations to the lucky new owner.

And then, naturally, we return to our poor shed. Standing there. Roof attached. Walls upright. Door functioning. Possibly wondering why everyone keeps talking about it like it just survived a tornado.

That's exactly why the description of public property matters. “Old” does not mean worthless. “Surplus” does not mean free. “Not needed anymore” does not mean first employee with a pickup truck wins. “In poor condition” does not mean zero value. And “falling apart” probably ought to involve some actual falling apart.

If government property truly is junk, fantastic. Document it. Photograph the damage. Estimate the repair cost. Figure out whether anybody would buy it. Determine whether moving or selling it would cost more than it's worth. Then follow the law.

But when something appears perfectly usable and suddenly develops a severe case of Verbal Structural Collapse the moment somebody wants it for free, taxpayers are allowed to become curious. That does not automatically mean anybody is corrupt. It means this is precisely why government disposal laws exist.

Rules don't just protect taxpayers from cartoon villains twirling mustaches over sacks marked “COUNTY ASSETS.” They protect taxpayers from ordinary human behavior: favoritism, convenience, friends helping friends, employees helping themselves, officials deciding, “Hell, nobody's using it,” and my personal favorite, “We were just trying to help somebody out.”

That's lovely. Help them with your property.

Government property is different.

Imagine if taxpayers could use the same system. Walk into the county highway and say, “Morning. That backhoe looks terrible.” Somebody responds, “What?” You shake your head sadly and say, “Yeah. Falling apart. Hate to see it. I'll take it off your hands for free.”

Or maybe visit the courthouse. “That copier looks rough.” They tell you it was purchased last month. You nod solemnly. “Tragic. Practically worthless. I'll get my truck.”

Perhaps Granny should wander around county property announcing that everything she likes appears dangerously close to collapse. That picnic table? Falling apart. Computer? Basically dust. Sheriff's SUV? Probably won't make it through the week. County building? Frankly, Granny is willing to take one for the team and remove the entire thing at no charge.

See how ridiculous this gets?

That is why the commissioner's sentence matters: “What we want to do and what the law will let us do are different things.”

Exactly. GOOD.

The law is supposed to occasionally tell government, “No, you cannot do that.” Public property belongs to all of us, including the taxpayer who never heard about the item, never got a chance to bid on it, and might have happily paid money for the supposedly worthless thing somebody else wanted for nothing.

Maybe the shed is worth $200. Maybe $500. Maybe $2,000. Maybe moving it costs more than it's worth. Maybe ten people would bid on it. Nobody knows until somebody bothers to find out.

But determining value by asking the person who wants something for free how crappy they think it is would be one hell of an appraisal system.

“So, what would you say this property is worth?”

“Nothing.”

“And you're interested in acquiring it?”

“Extremely.”

Seems legit.

So let the poor Tragically Falling-Apart Shed remain standing for another few months while government does the boring thing: figure out what taxpayers own, figure out what it's worth, and follow the damn rules.

Because the alternative is basically a county-sponsored yard sale where the price tags mysteriously disappear whenever a public servant sees something they like.

Address

1600 Granny Street
North Vernon, IN
47265

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