Rocky Face Police Department

11/16/2023

We just finished one election, I guess it's time to gear up for the next one.

Before I considered running for the City of Rocky Face Dog Catcher and Animal Medical Examiner I launched an explatory committee. The findings of the committee were that starting an exploratory committee for a local election is probably the dumbest thing they ever heard.

Be that as it may, I decided I will run for and serve the city as the next RFDCAME.

What qualifications do I have for the job? How about the fact that I have been identifying dead animals my whole life. Dogs and cats, hundreds if not thousands of dead opossums and raccoons, squirrels, groundhogs, a wombat, two sasquatchs and a chupacabra.

Proclaiming "that damn dog is dead!" Comes second nature to me.

I hope to have your vote and I promise to be a voice to the voiceless, A fighter for the chicken and the pitbull and savior of bovine and reptile alike. I will hold the ne'er-do-well accountable for crimes against the canine.

I know you have questions and I'm an open book.

Isn't this the guy who completely peed down his leg trying to organize a birthday party earlier this year? Yes, yes I am.

Didn't your run for Mayor of Rocky Face burn up on launch? Also correct.

Didn't your drinking buddy who you publicly supported as a mayoral candidate get absolutely curb stomped on election day? I think curb stomped is an exaggeration but yes.

Didn't you have a restraining order against you or something? Pure speculation according to my attorney.

So, let's get past all that and look forward to a bright future.

Sincerely,
R***r Chandler

06/09/2023

It's a shame we couldn't have helped out. But now that the charade is over, we can all go back to not falling for this kind of thing.

It breaks our hearts to announce we have no choice but to cancel our 5.5 month anniversary celebration. It appears the clan of ninjas we had contracted for security won't be able to be there and we are in fear the tens of thousands of people planning to attend won't be safe.

Did we think about hiring off duty law enforcement for security? Briefly, then we realized that hardly any respectable law enforcement agency allows deputies or officers to work off duty for private events where alchol is served.

We have already taken several questions about our business and this event. Before we are flooded with more, we have prepared a little FAQ.

Joe T. Did you ever really plan to hold this event or was it just a marketing scheme to make yourself seem like the victim or feed your misplaced sense of self importance?

Joe, To the first part of the question, no. Any reasonable person would never believe we intended on following through with this event.

To the second part, yes, and it worked perfectly. A lot of people who can't think for themselves hang on our every word and actually thought we were bringing some of the biggest musical acts in the country to our tire store parking lot.

Debra G. Do you really do free oil changes for public safety and teachers?

Well Debra, kinda. We hope a member of the family who doesn't know squat about cars brings their vehicle in. Those free oil changes allow us to get under their car and find hundreds if not thousands of dollars in repairs they don't need.

Mark L. Why don't you come up with a silly catch phrase that most people find...weird?

Mark, we tried but "we don't use stupid catchphrases" was already trademarked.

Well, that's all the time we have folks. Stay tuned to see what we have planned for our 5.6 month anniversary!

05/03/2023

As you may be aware, we work hard to support our local businesses. Look at the great works going on at Rocky Face Used Tire and Catalytic Converter!

02/01/2023

We apologize for such a late response to what appears to be the news o' the day. Now that we have switched from Windstream back to dial-up our connection and responses should be much quicker.

To be honest, we didn't think this was actually news worthy. We assumed that everyone already knew Big Enos and Little Enos from Cohutta P.D. have ALLEGEDLY been plotting and ALLEGEDLY set their sights on having the Mayor removed much like they have ALLEGEDLY had others removed who stood in their path to world (or Wolfe St.) domination.

Thoughts and prayers for a full recovery for Little Enos after this tragic ALLEGED attack.

02/08/2022

As many of you are aware, we have been maintaining a low profile lately.

Our department Covid protocols require us to wear masks anytime we interact with the public (including phone calls). Since the department can only afford one mask that we have to share among the entire department, we can only field one officer every couple of days since we have to have the mask laundered between shifts. The rest of us are teleworking from home.

When we say teleworking we mostly mean day drinking and piloting our surveillance drones as we follow Jeremiah Coffey to make sure he isn't stealing anything not nailed down.

The unwashed heathens to our north in New Methico (Tunnel Hill to the uninitiated) have been fairly quiet. It seems the New Methico P.D. has really tightened up the laces on their jack boots and forced the geekers back into their trailers or at least out of our beloved city limits.

We have heard a couple of goings on amongst the savages to our north.

First, apparently a new store specializing in lightly used catalytic converters is set to open soon in the Tunnel Hill shopping center.

Second, word on the street is that the grand pooh-bah and Supreme leader of the New Methico P.D. and future co-owner of Catalytic Depot, Chief Knight Ryder turns 39 today. I'm sure it would make his day special to give him a ring and sing Happy Birthday at (706)673-5535.

Happy Birthday, Chief!

09/16/2021

As many of you are aware, the Whitfield County Road Department is just about finished with the speed bump installation on the Rocky Face Motor Speedway (a.k.a. Mt. Vernon Rd).

I know what you're thinking. Shouldn't this have been a two week job that took six months? We don't have any engineers on staff but, probably yes.

If you absolutely, positively need something done eventually call WCRD.

09/09/2021

https://www.facebook.com/231646708801442/posts/231669908799122/

As many of you are aware, election season is right around the corner. It appears one local fellow is looking to take the long vacated position of Mayor of Westside.

Recent polling shows him in a distant second place behind a write-in candidate named "Anyone but Steve".

It would be inappropriate for us to back any political candidate but, we will say Steve has a keen eye for anything that is not a crime. When in doubt if anything is illegal or not, just check the Tunnel Hill/ Westside Crimestoppers page where Steve constantly reminds everyone that their posts aren't crime related.

07/21/2021

It appears Chief Big Enos has left Wolfe Steet and made his way to the Georgia Police Chief Convention and Cocktail Party in Savannah.

We were wondering if Lt. Little Enos (aka The rest of the department) came with him, you know riding on his lap or something.

We're sure it was tax dollars well spent.

03/07/2021

The Rocky Face week in review. Someone lost a cat, Craig R***r had his debit digits jacked in New Methico, Mike Mitchel said some stuff, someone found a dog, loud booms continue, someone did something at the bridge on 41 and apparently Scott B. Huff met Mr. Coffee for the first time.

02/17/2021

As many of you are aware, there has been a public outcry against a recent post by The New Methico Police Department. Many are upset at a suggestion that because ice on the roads is black, it may attempt to sneak up on you. We agree that in the current environment, this statement is inappropriate, especially in the midst of black history month.

A group planned to gather at the Mexican Movie Gallery to stage a march/protest/riot in downtown Tunnel Hill. We intervened and spoke with the organizer to diffuse the situation (primarily because we don't want a bunch of refugee tweekers coming across our border). Once we explained that anything of value in Tunnel Hill was already broken, stolen or spray painted, they agreed to stand down. You're welcome Chief Knight Ryder!

And what's the deal with the hot pink street sign?

That being said, can we all agree Black Ice Matters?

02/12/2021

As many of you are aware, there has been a push to incorporate social workers with our police forces.

We are excited to announce as part of a re-education program by the Georgia Department of Corrections, we have been provided our own professional counselor with no cost to tax payers.

We had some concerns at first about involving a convicted felon in public safety. The more we thought about it, we decided if that officer from Tunnel Hill who was convicted for stealing $37,000 can get a job as a Fire Fighter, why not give this guy a shot.

Please welcome Jacob "Stab Face" Morris to the department.