Joe Kort

05/29/2026

The words people use to describe themselves are personal.

For some, the word que*r feels affirming, freeing, and expansive. For others, it still carries the pain of being bullied, shamed, or called that word as a slur.

In this clip, I talk with Michael Pezzullo about gay identity, the word q***r, and why labels are not simply generational. They are personal. Everyone deserves the right to choose the language that fits them, and to have that language respected.

Watch the full Smart S*x Smart Love conversation with Michael Pezzullo, linked in my bio.

05/27/2026

I’m a psychotherapist and a content creator because I believe in psychoeducation. Let’s be clear: psychoeducation is not therapy, and it is not a replacement for therapy. It is therapeutic but not actual therapy. It can help people learn, reflect, ask better questions, feel less alone, and understand parts of themselves or their relationships in a new way.

Many people, including therapists, believe that therapists should be creating social media content. However, many of us are doing thoughtful, ethical, clinically grounded work.

I have heard from many people who say, “I can’t afford therapy, but your content helped me understand what I’m going through.” That matters to me. I do let them know that it does not replace therapy. I educate. I clarify. I challenge shame. I offer language for things many people have never had words for.

So yes, I will continue creating content as a psychotherapist, because good psychoeducation belongs online as well as books and webinars.

05/26/2026

Sometimes the “other woman” in a gay man’s relationship is his mother. I know that can sound provocative, but I see it often. If your mother relied on you emotionally, treated you like her confidant, leaned on you like a partner, or made you responsible for her happiness, you may have learned to confuse love with caretaking. Then, in adult relationships, you may feel guilty choosing your partner, telling the truth, setting boundaries, or living your own life. Ask yourself: “Am I loving my mother, or am I still emotionally married to her?” Separating from your mother does not mean rejecting her. It means becoming your own man.

05/22/2026

New video out now: Not Everyone Experiences Childhood Ab*se as Trauma — breaking down the difference between abuse and trauma, why not every person experiences lasting dysfunction from childhood abuse, and why therapists must listen to each person’s story without imposing one narrative.

In this video, I explore why childhood abuse is always abuse and should never happen, while also explaining why trauma does not show up the same way for everyone. I also talk about how some clients understand their own experiences differently, why that can feel unsettling to hear, and why clinical conversations need room for nuance, compassion, and clarity.

Watch the full video on YouTube linked in my bio and let me know your thoughts in the comments.

05/22/2026

Childhood abuse is always abuse, and it should never happen. But not everyone experiences abuse as trauma in the same way, and that can be difficult or unsettling to hear. Some people remember it as horrific and painful, while others may not describe it as traumatic or experience lasting dysfunction from it. The goal is not to minimize abuse, but to understand each person’s story without forcing one narrative onto everyone.

Link to the full video in bio.

05/22/2026

New YouTube video just dropped: Not Everyone Experiences Childhood Ab*se as Trauma — breaking down the difference between abuse and trauma, why not every person experiences lasting dysfunction from childhood abuse, and why therapists must listen to each person’s story without imposing one narrative.

In this video, I talk about why childhood s*xual abuse is always abuse, but not every person experiences it as trauma. I’m Dr. Joe Kort, a psychotherapist an...

05/21/2026

Throwback Thursday in honor of M@asturbation Month. I had Alex De La Cruz on Smart S*x, Smart Love to talk about liberating yourself from m@asturbation shame, and it was such an important conversation.

M@asturbation is not “less than” s//x. It is s//x. It is self-connection, self-soothing, pleasure, exploration, and for many people, it is their preferred erotic life.

Too many people are taught that “real s//x” has to mean in*******se. I do not believe that. M@asturbation is s*xual enough. Being a side is s*xual enough.

This month, I want people to stop shaming themselves for how they experience pleasure. Your erotic life does not have to look like anyone else’s to be valid. Shame disconnects us from our bodies. Curiosity brings us back.

Link to listen to the full podcast in bio.

05/19/2026

Recently, the U.S. Supreme Court upheld Tennessee’s ban on gender-affirming care for transgender minors in United States v. Skrmetti. For many LGBTQIA+ people and families, rulings like this are not abstract politics. They affect real people, real parents, real children, real therapists, and real communities.
Trans adults and youth are not mentally ill. This is the same argument that was used against g**s and le****ns for decades.

The irrational fear, hatred, and intolerance of the LGBTQIA+ community does not seem to be going away. Homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia are still rampant in this country and around the world.

May 17 is International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia. Where do we start to make change? How do we replace exclusion with acceptance? How do we help people understand that LGBTQIA+ people are not political talking points, they are human beings deserving of safety, dignity, love, and care?

Tolerating differences can seem impossible, but we all can do it. I would like to start an exchange of ideas. Please share yours.

05/18/2026

Four years ago, Grindr added “Side", a term I coined to their app.

I was so pleasantly surprised. The term "Side" describes gay men who do not prefer a**l s*x and instead enjoy other forms of s*xual intimacy, and Grindr accepted it as another s*xual position. It is my proudest accomplishment.

For too long, gay men were pushed into the idea that they had to be either a top or a bottom, and that a**l s*x was the center of gay male s*xuality. But not every gay man relates to s*x that way, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Being a Side is not a problem to fix. It is not “less gay.” It is not avoidance. It is a valid s*xual preference and a much-needed word for men who finally feel seen when they hear it.

Top, bottom, vers, side: none of these make you more or less gay. What matters is consent, honesty, pleasure, communication, and knowing yourself without shame.

05/13/2026

I always say, your an*s doesn’t have a s*xual orientation. It doesn’t know whether it’s gay, straight, or bi. We tend to oversimplify s*xuality and assume behavior automatically defines identity, but human s*xuality is far more nuanced than that. I want people to think deeper about desire, intimacy, fantasy, and what actually makes someone who they are.

Watch the full YouTube video at the link in my bio. 🎥