Sumter Habitat for Humanity Restore

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Sumter Habitat for Humanity Restore Welcome to the ReStore, where your donations and purchases help us build affordable homes in Sumter. Check out our latest arrivals and stop by to shop with us!

Call to schedule your FREE donation pick-up Tuesday - Friday. Drop off donations Tuesday through Friday 10 AM - 5 PM or Saturday 9 AM - 3 PM

MANAGEMENT ASKED ME TO MAKE THE RESTORE MORE WELCOMING.So I promoted Gary to greeter.Gary is a shopping cart.His first d...
10/23/2026

MANAGEMENT ASKED ME TO MAKE THE RESTORE MORE WELCOMING.

So I promoted Gary to greeter.

Gary is a shopping cart.

His first day has been a DISASTER.

He doesn't smile. Judges customers. Refuses to make eye contact.

One customer said hello. Gary rolled away.

He's already received two complaints, knocked over a decorative Santa, and somehow got stuck in the bathroom.

Management questioned his qualifications.

I SAID HE HAS FOUR WHEELS AND CARRIES THIS ENTIRE ORGANIZATION.

They demanded I return Gary to where he belongs.

GARY REFUSES.

He's declared himself Assistant Store Manager, blocked the breakroom, and started charging employees a $2 toll.

THE CHRISTMAS TREE FROM THE CORPORATE TAKEOVER HAS JOINED HIM.
THEY'VE FORMED A COALITION.

I tried to intervene.
GARY DOESN'T RECOGNIZE MY AUTHORITY.
SIR. I CREATED YOU.

Management has revoked my promotion privileges.
AGAIN.

ANYWAY.

Come shop the Sumter Habitat ReStore! Amazing finds, fantastic prices, and every purchase helps build safe, affordable homes right here in Sumter.

Gary may or may not greet you.

He was just elected employee of the month.....by the Christmas tree.

I NEED AN ICED COFFEE.

THE BIRD HAS BARRICADED HIMSELF IN HOUSEWARES. THE RECLINER IS THREATENING TO UNIONIZE. AND HR WANTS MY BADGE.IT'S STILL...
10/22/2026

THE BIRD HAS BARRICADED HIMSELF IN HOUSEWARES. THE RECLINER IS THREATENING TO UNIONIZE. AND HR WANTS MY BADGE.

IT'S STILL MORNING.

Management told me I needed to be more productive, so naturally I launched an employee recruitment initiative.

The vintage dresser interviewed beautifully. Organized, dependable, excellent storage skills. Asked about benefits.

The ceramic bird was HOSTILE. Refused to answer questions. Just stared at me. I felt threatened in my own interview.

The recliner requested remote work. SIR. YOU ARE LITERALLY FURNITURE.

A chandelier demanded a six-figure salary because it "brings a lot to the table."
YOU HANG FROM THE CEILING, BARBARA.

Then the Christmas tree showed up claiming to have previous management experience.
ABSOLUTELY NOT. WE REMEMBER THE CORPORATE TAKEOVER.

Management walked in while I was conducting a second interview with a floor lamp.

They asked why I was talking to furniture.

I said, "BECAUSE THE PEOPLE KEEP REPORTING ME TO HR."

Apparently, none of my candidates are eligible for payroll.

My hiring privileges have been revoked. Not that I really had any to begin with.

The recliner has scheduled a walkout.
HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE LEGS.

ANYWAY.

Come shop the Sumter Habitat ReStore! We've got incredible finds, great prices, and every purchase helps build safe, affordable homes right here in Sumter.

We're not hiring.

ESPECIALLY NOT THE BIRD.

THERE HAS BEEN A HOSTILE CORPORATE TAKEOVER AT THE RESTORE.It was me.It lasted 11 minutes.Management left me unattended,...
10/21/2026

THERE HAS BEEN A HOSTILE CORPORATE TAKEOVER AT THE RESTORE.

It was me.
It lasted 11 minutes.

Management left me unattended, and I took that as a legally binding transfer of power.

As the new CEO, I immediately got to work.

Three lamps were promoted to executive leadership. One is now CFO. No financial experience, but it IS bright.

The couches got a four-day workweek. They've carried this organization long enough.

I approved myself a $40,000 iced coffee budget.

I fired the printer. IT KNOWS WHAT IT DID.

A Christmas tree was appointed Head of Security. He's already drunk with power.

THEN MANAGEMENT CAME BACK.

They demanded the keys.

I informed them that I WAS THE KEY TO THIS ORGANIZATION.

The tree turned on me immediately.

My administration has been dissolved. The printer has been reinstated WITH BACK PAY.

I'm currently drafting an appeal on a napkin.

The lamps remain loyal.

ANYWAY.

Come shop the Sumter Habitat ReStore! New inventory, fantastic prices, and every purchase helps build safe, affordable homes right here in Sumter.

Please do not ask for the CEO.

SHE'S BEEN REMOVED FROM THE PREMISES.

APPARENTLY, I NEED TO BRUSH UP ON MY SOCIAL MEDIA SKILLS!Because somehow the entire Restore ended up on a dating site.LO...
10/20/2026

APPARENTLY, I NEED TO BRUSH UP ON MY SOCIAL MEDIA SKILLS!

Because somehow the entire Restore ended up on a dating site.

LOOK. I was on my third iced coffee, the inventory was looking GOOD, and everybody deserves love.

The sectional wants something serious. Movie nights. Commitment. No games.

The nightstand? "Just seeing what's out there." Two drawers full of secrets. HUGE red flag.

The antique dresser's bio says "NO DRAMA." Ma'am. You've had six owners and three paint jobs. YOU ARE THE DRAMA.

The dining room table is recently divorced with four kids (chairs).

The recliner is emotionally unavailable and refuses to change.

AND THEN THINGS GOT UGLY.

The loveseat matched with TWO armchairs.

And the china cabinet updated her status to "It's Complicated."

Management found out when someone tried to take the sectional on a date.

My phone has been confiscated.

I'm currently in the breakroom with a written warning and 37 unread messages from a grandfather clock who says he's "mature for his age."

ANYWAY.

Come find YOUR perfect match at the Sumter Habitat ReStore! Our prices are real, our inventory is always changing, and every purchase helps build homes right here in Sumter.

I found the PERFECT furniture at the ReStore today.And immediately decided it was probably owned by someone famous.Do I ...
10/17/2026

I found the PERFECT furniture at the ReStore today.

And immediately decided it was probably owned by someone famous.

Do I have proof? No.

Do I have an extra-large iced coffee and a deeply concerning amount of confidence? Yes.

This sofa? Beyoncé.

That recliner? Obviously Matthew McConaughey. You cannot look at that chair and tell me he hasn’t leaned back in it and said, “Alright, alright, alright.”

The side table? Martha Stewart. No question. She probably put one perfectly arranged hydrangea on it and judged everyone else’s tables.

That giant mirror? Dolly Parton.

The rocking chair? George Clooney. I have no supporting evidence, but it feels European.

That dresser? Taylor Swift. There is absolutely a lost cardigan in one of those drawers.

The lamp? Kevin Bacon.

I will not be taking questions.

At this point I’m walking around the ReStore with my iced coffee assigning celebrities to EVERYTHING.

Management: “That just came off the donation truck.”
Me: “FROM WHO, MANAGEMENT?? FROM WHO??”

They have now asked me to stop telling customers, “You’re standing in Nicolas Cage’s former dining room.”

Apparently there are “legal concerns.”
Whatever.

All I know is that I touched the Beyoncé couch, stood in front of the Dolly Parton mirror, and briefly sat on George Clooney’s rocking chair.

So basically I’m famous now. Possibly internationally.

Management is having a difficult time adjusting to having a celebrity employee.

Anyway, come shop the Sumter ReStore before TMZ arrives and it all shows up on TV.

Because you’re not just buying furniture.

You’re buying completely fabricated celebrity history backed by zero documentation and one dangerously large iced coffee.

Allegedly.

MANAGEMENT “SUGGESTED” I post more pictures of the PEOPLE who work at the ReStore.People??I don’t photograph people.I ph...
10/16/2026

MANAGEMENT “SUGGESTED” I post more pictures of the PEOPLE who work at the ReStore.

People??

I don’t photograph people.

I photograph DRESSERS.
I photograph COUCHES.
I photograph GLASSWARE.
I photograph CHRISTMAS.
I photograph INVENTORY.

But fine.

I tried.

At first, it was normal.

“Sit in these chairs.”
“Hold these lamps.”

“Maybe lean against the dresser.”

Then somewhere around employee #2, something changed.

“Okay, stand beside the bookcase.”
“Perfect. Now hold these vases.”
“Can you turn slightly toward the side table?”

“YES. THAT’S IT.”

Management walked by and said, “Why does this look like a furniture catalog?”

By employee #3, I was fully committed.

“Can you sit on the sofa?”
“Put your arm on the end table.”
“Hold this floral arrangement.”
“Look off into the distance like you’ve just discovered we got a new shipment of Christmas décor.”

At one point, management said, “You know they don’t have to be HOLDING merchandise.”

Incorrect.

They absolutely do.

I cannot just photograph a PERSON standing there with nothing around them.

They do awkward things with their hands.

So please enjoy our wonderful ReStore staff, lovingly photographed in their natural habitat (Ha! Habitat!) and staged approximately 14 inches from something that is currently for sale.

Honestly, halfway through I forgot which ones were employees.

One of them may have a price tag.

Come meet the amazing people who keep the Sumter Habitat ReStore running every day.

And if you see someone standing very still beside a dresser…

Please ask before purchasing.




I have had TOO MUCH ICED COFFEE AND ACCESS to the new inventory.This is now everyone’s problem.I came through the front ...
10/15/2026

I have had TOO MUCH ICED COFFEE AND ACCESS to the new inventory.

This is now everyone’s problem.

I came through the front door holding an extra-large iced coffee like it was medical equipment and immediately started:

“OOOOOOH.”

“WAIT.”

“STOP EVERYTHING.”

“WHO DONATED THIS?”

“AAAAAAAHHHH LOOK AT HER.”

It was a lamp.

Then a dresser came out.

I gasped so loudly someone in receiving asked if we needed to call 911.

“No. I’m fine. SHE’S JUST GORGEOUS.”

The dresser.

I was talking about the dresser.

Ten minutes later I was crouched beside a side table whispering, “You are going to make someone SO happy.”

Management tried to intervene.

I took another sip of iced coffee and yelled:

“NEW INVENTORY DOESN’T WAIT FOR MANAGEMENT, KAREN.”

There is no Karen.

At some point I started speed-walking behind the donation cart going:

“OOOH. OOOOH. WHAT’S THAT? TURN IT AROUND. TURN IT AROUND.”

Staff have now been instructed to stop showing me things directly.

This has not helped.

I can sense new inventory.

My head snapped toward receiving from 40 feet away because someone quietly said, “That’s cute.”

Current status:

Iced coffee: 73% gone
Camera roll: completely out of control
Management: concerned
New inventory: being aggressively admired
Me: “JUST ONE MORE PICTURE.”

Come shop the Sumter Habitat ReStore before I name everything, stage a full photo shoot, and start telling customers, “You don’t understand. This piece CHOSE you.”

Every purchase helps build a stronger Sumter.

And yes.

I just screamed “OOOOOOH” again.

I don’t even know what came through the door yet.

THINGS OVERHEARD IN THE RESTORE“Do NOT put the ceramic goose on top of the microwave again.”“I’m telling you right now, ...
10/14/2026

THINGS OVERHEARD IN THE RESTORE

“Do NOT put the ceramic goose on top of the microwave again.”

“I’m telling you right now, that mirror is haunted.”

“Whoever donated 37 identical mugs… I have questions.”

“Why is there a decorative pineapple in the employee refrigerator?”
“Don’t touch it. There’s apparently a story.”

“Is this table broken?”
“No, it’s European.”

“WHY is there a crockpot in the office?”
“Long story.”

“Did anyone actually measure this couch?”
“Emotionally? Yes.”

“Please stop yelling ‘FRESH INVENTORY’ every time the donation door opens.”

“Who put a price tag on the office stapler?”

“Why is there a throw pillow in the break room labeled ‘DO NOT SELL’?”
“Because she knows too much.”

“Who put googly eyes on the vacuum?”
“No one admit anything.”

“Why is the lamp wearing a scarf?”
“She was cold.”

“Who moved Big Deborah?”

Silence.

“WHO. MOVED. BIG. DEBORAH.”

From somewhere in the back room:

“WHY IS THE ROOSTER IN RECEIVING?”

Followed immediately by:

“DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM.”

And finally:

“Has anyone seen the tape gun?”
“…define ‘seen.’”

The ReStore. No context is needed.

Come shop the Sumter Habitat for Humanity ReStore, where every purchase supports affordable housing, and apparently every shift becomes a story we really cannot explain.

GOOD NEWS: we are returning to normal operations at the ReStore.BAD NEWS: apparently no one agrees on what “normal” mean...
10/13/2026

GOOD NEWS: we are returning to normal operations at the ReStore.

BAD NEWS: apparently no one agrees on what “normal” means anymore.

I came in today with an extra-large iced coffee, a fresh shipment of red string, and what I believed was a perfectly reasonable amount of enthusiasm.

Management saw the red string and confiscated it before I even made it to my desk.

Honestly, rude.

I said it was “just in case.”

They said, “In case of WHAT?”

And that is exactly the kind of negativity that kills creativity.

Anyway, I have been redirected to my actual job, which means photographing furniture, hyping up lamps like they’re celebrities, and convincing myself every oddly specific donation has a backstory.

So yes. We’re back to normal.

Normal-ish.

Come shop the Sumter Habitat ReStore, find something you absolutely did not plan to buy, and help us build a stronger Sumter.

I’ll be here doing my job under what I can only describe as “heightened supervision.”

FINAL REPORT: CASE CLOSED.After days of investigation, surveillance, interrogations, red string, one failed undercover o...
10/10/2026

FINAL REPORT: CASE CLOSED.

After days of investigation, surveillance, interrogations, red string, one failed undercover operation, multiple accusations against Kevin, and approximately zero actual crimes…

The ReStore Mystery Files are officially CLOSED.

FINAL INVESTIGATIVE STATUS:

THE BLUE CHAIR:
Sold.
Not kidnapped.

THE CERAMIC CHILD:
Sold.
Still unsettling.

THE SUSPICIOUS LAMP:
Sold.
Never cooperated with questioning.

KEVIN:
Cleared of all charges.
Still being watched.

MANAGEMENT:
Technically innocent.
Annoyingly smug about it.

SENIOR DETECTIVE GREAT DANE:
Retired with full honors.
Received no pension.
Did receive cheese.

SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER:
Has been ordered to return the magnifying glass, remove the red string, and “please just take pictures of the furniture.”

Fine.

The truth was right in front of us all along:

The really good stuff at the ReStore DOES disappear.

Because y’all keep buying it.

And honestly?

KEEP DOING THAT.

Because every dresser, lamp, sofa, table, and completely innocent ceramic child you take home helps Sumter Habitat for Humanity build a stronger Sumter.

The case is closed.

The evidence board is coming down.

My detective career is over.

I'm going to go buy an iced coffee.

Probably.

…

Kevin just walked past me carrying a lamp.

JINKIES.

Address

812 South Guignard Drive
Sumter, SC
29150

Opening Hours

Tuesday 10am - 6pm
Wednesday 10am - 6pm
Thursday 10am - 6pm
Friday 10am - 6pm
Saturday 9am - 3pm

Telephone

(803) 934-9749

Website

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