Surprise Mayor Kevin Satire

Surprise Mayor Kevin Satire Kevin Sartor, the current Mayor of Surprise, Arizona, has made clear that he is deserving of mockery. Facebook, do your thing!

OK, we really don't know who Skeleton Man, this last one left in future Surprise is.We hope he turned out the lights. No...
07/10/2026

OK, we really don't know who Skeleton Man, this last one left in future Surprise is.

We hope he turned out the lights. No need to turn off the water. It's all gone!

Month after month, and Kevin just gets weaker and weaker.How long, O Lord, must we wait to get a mayor who will stand up...
07/06/2026

Month after month, and Kevin just gets weaker and weaker.

How long, O Lord, must we wait to get a mayor who will stand up to the feds on the Surprise prison camp?

Surprise, AZ, mayor stars in patriotic pageant celebrating himselfIt’s an ego-ridden, cynical idea that boggles the imag...
06/16/2026

Surprise, AZ, mayor stars in patriotic pageant celebrating himself

It’s an ego-ridden, cynical idea that boggles the imagination.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, June 17, the part-time mayor of Surprise, AZ, Kevin Sartor will star in his self-written and self-produced extravaganza that he claims will be “his” city’s first America 250 event. In an unprecedented exercise in magical thinking, Sartor will speak to a no-doubt rapt group of people about his “military service, leadership and community.”

How this honors either Surprise or America’s 250th birthday is anyone’s guess.

In a June 14 article in the Surprise Independent online journal, Sartor is quoted as saying, “Surprise is kind of a transient city.” The the mayor, whom we know to have at least a high school diploma, apparently doesn’t understand this statement is uncomplimentary, insulting and a self-inflicted wound.

Mayor since 2025, Sartor said he hopes those who attend his event will “learn how his military experiences shaped his leadership style.” Given that this style is certainly difficult to find, much less define, it would seem that neither reflects much glory upon the other.

In the first major challenge of his administration, Sartor has hidden behind such sturdy objects as his desk and the city attorney, refusing to take any action that could save his community from playing host to an ICE prison located cheek by jowl with a toxic chemical storage facility. And despite his self-proclaimed serious public safety chops, Sartor has neither made nor caused to be created any sort of safety plan that could protect prisoners or the up to 73,000 residents who would be affected should a chemical leak, fire or explosion occur.

The mayor’s June 17 appearance will begin at 11:30 a.m. at the Surprise Regional Library,16089 N. Bullard Ave. Despite the rumors that suggest that attendees may show up to keep their city jobs, no admission fee will be charged.

"It's practically a charity event!" claimed one of Sartor's fans, whom he appointed to the Planning and Zoning Commission.

A person interviewed at Surprise City Hall, who was seen brushing tears from their eyes, said, “What an honor for Surprise, nay, what an honor for all of America!”

If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surpriseIf you go down in the woods today, you better go in disg...
06/12/2026

If you go down in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise
If you go down in the woods today, you better go in disguise ...

If you go down in the woods today, you better not go alone
It's lovely down in the woods today, it's safer to stay at home...

Or just hide! Why have an ounce of courage when you have a big strong desk.

05/18/2026

Cali Overs spent her senior year lobbying local, state and federal officials after Homeland Security bought a warehouse near her Arizona high school.

Address

16000 N. Civic Center Plaza
Surprise, AZ
85374

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