09/14/2025
A healthy reminder 🩷
Emotions allow us to express ourselves and connect with others — but they can also cause conflict and harm if we don’t know how to handle them. Self-regulation — the ability to manage, or regulate, our own emotions and behaviors — is a skill that most adults have mastered over time.
Co-regulation, on the other hand, happens when two people help each other regulate their emotions. For adults, it can also mean teaching kids how to manage their emotions on their own.
There is science behind co-regulation. Our own stress can make another person feel stressed; our calm can make another person feel calm. Successful co-regulation between a responsible adult and a child involves helping the child calm down on their own — which is why the first step to co-regulation requires you to deal with your own stress in a healthy way.
It’s important to consider the specific things that tend to upset us and think about how we react to them. This is called a stress response. Knowing your own stress responses can help you recognize stress responses in kids — which can look very different depending on the child and the situation — and offer support.
Whether you’re a teacher, parent, or caregiver, there are a few strategies you can use to help a child calm down before their emotions get out of control. For instance, say a child is screaming and crying. Does this cause a stress response in you? First, take a deep breath to calm yourself and then get on the child’s level. Make eye contact with them and tell them what you see: “It looks like you’re really upset right now.” Be sure to use an even tone of voice. The goal is to begin to cool emotions that are running hot. Finally, try to guide them in a calming or breathing exercise. If they don’t want to do it with you, do it yourself, letting them know that such exercises are a good way to deal with intense emotions. (Child Mind Institute ❤️)
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