02/02/2018
A new study is showing how common it is for teen boys to coerce girls into sending n**e pictures. An analysis of 500 accounts from 12- to 18-year-old girls about negative experiences s*xting and found that two-thirds of them had been asked to provide explicit images -- and that the requests often progressed from promises of affection to "anger displays, harassment and threats." In an article about the study for the New York Times, psychologist and author Lisa Damour writes, "Teenagers are drafted into a s*xual culture that rests on a harmful premise: on the heteros*xual field, boys typically play offense and girls play defense… Most schools and many parents already tell teenagers not to send s*xualized selfies. But why don't we also tell adolescents to stop asking for n**e photos from one another?" After all, she observes, "In the wider culture, it appears we have suddenly come to the limit of our tolerance for the s*xualized abuse of power by adult men. A logical next step is to recalibrate some of the toxic norms that have taken hold among teenagers."
The study by Sara Thomas of Northwestern University found that less then 8% of girls shared explicit pictures because they wanted to; for the rest, they did so because of a desire to please, acquiesce to, or avoid conflict with a boy. Moreover, while researchers found that both girls and boys send n**e photos to one another, boys are nearly four time as likely to pressure girls to do so than the reverse. If teenagers are already in a relationship, the idea was often normalized with claims like "everyone else has a picture of their girlfriend," and if girls hesitated, some boys threatened consequences to the relationship.
In some cases, boys used existing pictures to pressure girls to send more by threatening to broadcast the previous ones. Boys not in relationships also asked girls for pictures, and almost 12% of the stories reported a barrage of requests from multiple people that left girls feeling that "requests for photographs are inevitable and unavoidable." But most notably, Thomas found that girls seemed to have no framework for what to do: "while many young women took on the responsibility of negotiating these pressures, they also reported expressing confusion… [because they] lack the tools to do so."
Damour says that parents and educators can make simple changes to help support young women in this situation, starting by focusing as much on the requesting as on the sending and requiring greater accountability from boys making such requests. "It is of course true that simply declaring a new behavioral code will not erase a problem," she writes. "But rules can make a difference." When an adult says "it's not O.K. to request naked pictures because then you are putting someone else in a terrible position," it sets what Damour calls a "behavioral speed bump" that both girls and boys can use to counter adolescent impulsiveness.
It also gives girls something they desperately need: clear guidance about what to do if someone harasses them about sending a n**e picture. "If parents and schools have made it clear that the requests are a violation," Damour points out, "girls would feel that they had the option of taking screen shots of them and seeking help from adults." By doing so, Damour argues that we are "laying out high and equitable expectations for young people as they begin their own romantic lives [which] can only be a step in the right direction."
To read more about this new study in The New York Times, visit http://nyti.ms/2CrD3Od
Lisa Damour is the author of an excellent book about parenting adolescent girls, "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood" at https://www.amightygirl.com/untangled
For a thoughtful parenting book that explores the hypers*xualization of society and how it affects today’s kids, we highly recommend “Sexploitation: Helping Kids Develop Healthy Sexuality in a Porn-Driven World" at https://www.amightygirl.com/s*xploitation
For two excellent books to help tweens and teens feel confident when standing up for themselves and others, check out “Stand Up For Yourself and Your Friends” for age 7 to 12 (https://www.amightygirl.com/stand-up-for-yourself-and-your-friends) and “Express Yourself: A Teen Girl’s Guide to Speaking Up and Being Who You Are” for age 13 and up (https://www.amightygirl.com/express-yourself-guide).
And to start teaching children -- girls and boys alike -- from a young age about the need to respect others and their personal boundaries, we highly recommend "My Body! What I Say Goes!" for ages 3 to 6 (https://www.amightygirl.com/my-body) and "Your Body Belongs To You” for ages 3 to 5 (https://www.amightygirl.com/your-body-belongs-to-you)
