09/28/2026
When someone you love tells you they were assaulted, it changes you too.
Maybe you can't stop replaying what they told you. Maybe you feel angry, helpless, or guilty that you couldn't protect them. Maybe you're exhausted from being strong for them.
There's a name for this. You're a secondary survivor: a partner, parent, friend, or family member affected by someone else's experience of sexual violence.
Your feelings are real, and caring for yourself doesn't take anything away from the person you love. A few places to start:
1. Let yourself feel it. Anger, grief, and fear are normal responses.
2. Find your own outlet. Talk with someone you trust, so they don't have to carry your feelings too.
3. Rest without guilt. You can't pour from an empty cup.
4. Reach out to friends or professionals for support. RCC's 24/7 crisis line is here for survivors AND the people who love them: (210) 349-7273.
**eCrisisCenter